Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

I have no help at all I’m afraid. Hopefully it’s just a phase, maybe she’s aware of growing up and wants to be a baby again for a bit just because?!

I do work in schools though and I can confidently tell you that children do all sorts of mad things and you and your daughter won’t be alone (and I’m sure it will pass)

Do it back to her so that she can see how ridiculous it looks.

Also, does she do it at school and with her friends?

I would try a short sharp course of

“I dont speak baby language to big girls” and ignore ignore ignore

this doesnt mean dont interact, you can give instructions and ask her to do stuff, just dont ever respond to the baby talk beyond the I dont talk baby sentence.
and dont get too caught up in praise for talking properly, just respond to her like you would normally. If you dont give it oxygen either way, it will probably die out

Honestly I would just be ignoring as much as possible - she likely knows that it riles you up - or just saying you can't understand what she is saying quite calmly - and repeat - and then respond usually when she speaks usually but minimal fuss / drama. Also ensure some quality time and connection it might be that she is going through something or equally senses the frustration and that you are struggling to be around her so this may also help her see she doesn't need to behave like a baby to get attention. Using therapeutic parenting approaches also can be helpful - look up Sarah Naish books for more info (can get on amazon etc).

Is this over the summer holiday? Is she bored/getting attention by grinding your gears?

You are totally sure she's not neurodivergent? The freaking out about getting stuff on her fingers is a bit of a sensory challenge.

Anyway, I heartily recommend How to Talk So That Kids Listen. It's really good on how to manage super annoying behaviour in a positive fun way.

My eldest spent five days with her father and his latest in a long line girlfriend and her children 250 miles away somewhere in the outskirts of Manchester when she was slightly younger than that. Never met them before, didn't even know he had a girlfriend.

She came back sounding like (for those who remember) Perry greeting Kevin after his trip to see Oasis. It lasted for the entire summer. The WHOLE SUMMER.

I couldn't even use the 'Oh, I'm sorry, I don't understand what you're saying, I don't speak Baby'.

Grit your teeth, don't respond to anything in baby talk, don't get mad (externally), just leave her to it and she'll go back to normal once she's around everybody else again. It's less than a fortnight now. You can do it.

I feel your pain. My son does this when he is stressed (although he is ND), and it is so grating. I know he isn’t doing it to upset me, but sometimes it’s tough to ignore it. It could be something similar with her - something she reverts to when stressed (obviously not saying she is ND!). I think they can get a bit overwhelmed with the idea of getting older sometimes. My son doesn’t do it as much these days (he’s ten), so hopefully your daughter will grow out of it too.

So normally I would say it’s a phase, ride it out. And absolutely ignore it.

BUT what stuck out me is that she is doing it with her friends to the point of annoying them and losing friendships. By 8 most kids have enough social skills to modify their behaviour with friends. That she can’t and won’t suggests that PERHAPS something else is going on. I am wondering if this behaviour is a sign of some underlying anxiety so she’s reverting to this to gain security of some sort.

if you speak another language, only speak to her in that one. Tell her, once, in English that as long as she is talking in a language you don't speak, you will do the same to her.

Or tell her you can't understand what she's saying so you all have to stay home doing the stuff that needs doing there, until she can communicate properly and you can leave the house. Make sure her father is on board and doing the same.

I would tell her calmly she needs to use her big girl voice and model this for her. Then praise her when she does.

Or turn it into some massive game that makes it clear she is being ridiculous but in a playful way. Like "Aaaaagh, my DD has been kidnapped and replaced by a 2 year old. DD, where are you? Come back!" Then start looking in stupid places like the fridge. But do it kindly.

It sounds like she has discovered a completely brilliant way to press your buttons and any attention is better than no attention.

I would pretend that I didn’t understand baby language and ignore this behaviour. Yes, people will look but people are nosey so be strong. My dd regressed a little when she was 9ish. Not baby talk but she decides to dig out her toys from when she was much younger and her best friend did the same. I let it pass (admittedly this was much easier for me ) but I did wonder if she was having feelings of not wanting to grow up or wishing that she could redo some of her younger years.

Is your daughter aware that her friends have backed off because of the baby speak? Does that not upset or affect her?

How would she respond @Maryahadaballtoday to 'act like a baby, gey treated like one'? So only 20 mins of baby tv, no electronics, bed at 7pm, no sweets or crisps or treats...

Don't engage. My 9 year old went through a period of this "me can't do it" and stuff like that. I just told her I didn't understand her when she spoke like that and wouldn't do what she asked until she spoke properly.
She snapped out of it sharpish.

Well, bedtime is 6pm for icky wicky babies, isn't it?

I'd tell her sharply that she either stopped with the baby language or I'd treat her like a baby. None of the privileges that 8 year olds get.

Baby TV only. Baby food. Early nights. Def no WiFi..

if you speak another language, only speak to her in that one. Tell her, once, in English that as long as she is talking in a language you don't speak, you will do the same to her.

This made me laugh - nothing the OP has said suggests she speaks another language.

Oh, I forgot under the trauma of remembering the Mancunian Phase.

The other one decided to speak Cat for a week. I already had three of the buggers yelling at me throughout the day, so one more without fur didn't really make that much of a difference. She changed her mind pretty sharpish when I carefully flea combed the real cats and then went to use the same comb on her.

I would actually take the kid to child psychologist. It is possible that there may be an underlying issue you are not aware of.

don't be daft - plenty of people speak another language. It's what i did when my DCs tried talking strangely to me (sort of nearly but not quite gangsta)

I spoke a language they don't understand and they soon stopped.

She's deep into role play. I used to work at a girls' group and one of the girls spoke like that almost 90% of the time. She too was NT as far as I could tell. I think it's just a phase and you have keep reminding her to speak in her big girl voice.

I understand your frustration. It used to annoy the fuck out of me.

Mines been barking for two weeks, i almost snapped yesterday. It sounds really really annoying. Perhaps a serious sit down chat would help. Be clear that it’s not cute and not endearing and is actually quite annoying, does she understand this and if so why does she continue to do it. I know that sounds a bit brutal but maybe she needs to be told outright before she goes back to school and really starts annoying her friends.

Other option is just ignore anything said to you in a baby voice.

It’s stressing me out big time. She goes into year 4 in September and I know for a fact her teacher won’t take her nonsense. He taught my oldest nephre (who’s just turned fifteen)

thank you for all your messages I’m reading them but because I am on my mobile I can’t reply to you all (I’m old and don’t understand techy things)

I think you need to seek professional advice. To me it seems like there might be a bigger issue and your daughter is a very unhappy person for some reason.