Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

@NotPregnantJustChubs

’I would say it sounds as if she's feeling insecure about growing up and this is her way of processing some of the changes she's going through’

Yea absolutely. You show empathy for a child who’s clearly struggling…. And then you advocate for a ‘sharp telling off’ and enforced isolation?!? She needs time in not time out. All children do. Cruel!

I don't get why you didn't just say your daughter had reverted to baby talk which you find irritating, without telling us you were sterilised because you didn't want another daughter (I presume you meant 'child'), that she has friends, cousins, etc. None of that is relevant, you don't have to justify having an only child to us.

The more you go on about her baby talk, the more she will do it. i can remember my mother constantly correcting my speech and it made me feel quite sick (especially as she strung her vowels out on a clothes line).

Children often do this, or start talking in different accents, it's just a phase.

Maybe the way you speak irritates your daughter. It does sound as though you irritate and frustrate her.

Does she watch YouTube? We don't have a baby talk problem, currently it's swearing that is the problem with ours, but we have had lots of others where they have repeated phrases like broken parrots because they thought the person saying it was cool, or because it annoyed a sibling. Some of the content creators use stupid baby voices, or shrieking and it makes me want to rip my ears off and despair that these idiots are so numerous. The kids repeating stuff is a problem at Beavers and Cubs as well.

We are currently working with a strategy of verbal reminders and threats to remove phones, I am rewarding them for every day they dont swear, I haven't actually had to pay out yet. sigh It's worse this week because all three of them have been home all week.

Last year I literally fined them 50p for every time they said something they shouldn't I kept a list and they had the choice to pay it off at the end of the holidays with household tasks, screen time or actual money their choice.

Maybe rewarding her with something small if she goes a certain time period without using baby talk might work? Possibly along with "I am so glad you are such a big girl now so we can do....." so acting her age seems more appealing.

Growing up can be scary, sometimes new school years and new teachers can feel like a big change, if she liked things the way they were maybe this feels like a way to hang on to that and even though it's causing annoyance, she knows this is getting her your attention so try offer her an alternative.

Your post made me smile, Proudscoutmum, it is all so familiar.

I remember hearing little boys talking 'street', some of them not very successfully while others had the accent and phraseology off to a tee! Then there are the current idiomatic words dropped into conversation at every opportunity (sometimes completely out of context). It's all part of growing up and if it winds up the parents, it has the desired effect.

Honestly? My daughter went through a phase of doing that and it drove me crackers. Partly because distorting your voice makes it more difficult for others to understand - which is rude. And partly because a woman or girl needs to stand up straight and use a sensible voice to be taken seriously in this world. It’s a terrible habit and it is unkind to let it go on (a bit like whispering, which also drives me crackers).

I’ve seen teachers come down hard on baby talk and my son said that they would sometimes lose housepoints. Let the teacher put a stop to it and back them up. It isn’t okay to talk like this.

I’d ignore unless she speaks properly.

Worked for mine when if they ever tried talking in that horrible whine - I was completely deaf to whining.

I remember when I was an adolescent I really struggled to deploy a positive adjective that wasn’t “cool.” Other positives felt too gushing and old-ladyish! “Lovely! Wonderful! Marvellous! Fantastic! Super!” I just couldn’t manage it, but even I sometimes heard myself in a conversation
revognised how parrot -like I was.
“How was your holiday?” “ yeah it was cool thanks .” “ What’s your teacher like this year ?” “ She’s cool,”
In hindsight my parents were very understanding; I was dimly aware they thought it was a bit cringe, but they gave me the space to work through it.

Listen I told you already: parent the child as the age appropriate is and stop going mental over non important issues. And keep explaining to her that we need to learn and grow and understand what is expected of us, otherwise if we don't , we will have gaps in our general development and will face more challenges when grown. Your child's job is to force herself and be good for you.

We were at an event with some friends recently. We both have 8 year old daughters. My friends daughter was being particularly annoying one day and kept asking me for something in a baby voice so I said “I’m sorry I don’t understand” she asked again in the same annoying voice so I repeated I didn’t understand and she finally asked me in a normal voice so I gave it to her.

I would just tell her you don’t understand, and then walk away if she doesn’t speak properly. She’ll soon learn x

It is really awkward when someone else’s child does this. I am comfortable with getting shirty with my own children

One friend encouraged her eldest to speak in an extremely high, whispery voice (I think she found it cute). It just made her impossible to understand.

My DD is also 8 and has been doing the baby voice for her stuffed toys. It's been driving DH and me mad. The only thing that has helped was when I told her that her "baby" voice didn't sound the way real babies talk. I let her watch some baby videos of herself babbling, and since then she's mostly stopped doing the obnoxious voice. Perhaps she realised that real baby babble is much harder to imitate, or she was able to feel better about growing up or whatever. I don't know if this would help you OP, but I thought I'd share what worked for us. Best of luck, that voice is the worst.

I see that the OP hasn’t been back to explain how her DD simultaneously:

1. has absolutely no issues other than periodic baby talk

and

2. has been seen by three psychiatrists and had neurodivergence ruled out, plus multiple teachers in the school have agreed that DD is not neurodivergent

Setting aside the expertise of teachers to advise on a medical diagnosis and the complicated presentation of neurodivergence in girls, why has OP’s DD been through such very rigorous checks? It would be highly unusual to get MULTIPLE psychiatric assessments just because an 8yr old baby talks now and again. Also why has neurodivergence been discussed with multiple teachers?

Regardless of whether DD is neurodivergent or not, there’s clearly very much more going on here than the OP is willing to acknowledge. That’s fine but it’s not really fair to all the posters who are trying to help in good faith.

My 15 year old has recently started doing this to me (grunt-type noises rather than baby talk). I keep saying he needs to speak ENglish to me, if he uses a language I don't understand I can't do whatever it is he wants. So he'll get the helping I think he should have of courgettes (NOT favourite) etc. It usually doesn't last very long! And got better once I got me husband doing the same.

@Maryahadaballtoday

That sounds exhausting & so frustrating.

I agree with the previous poster who recommended treating her like a baby, ie, babies don't eat sweets/choc, have no screens, go to bed at 6/7pm, etc. In addition, tell her that you're going to ignore her completely unless she communicates like the 8/9yr old she is.

Hopefully she'll pack it in when she gets back to school - her Teacher won't have it & surely her classmates' reactions will embarrass it out of her.