Daughter refusing to speak normally

[Maryahadaballtoday]

I’m at my bloody wits end with my child and I’m very close to telling her so.

I have one child (daughter she’s eight) she is my only child as a few years ago I had my tubes tied neither me or partner wanted another daughter - perfectly fine with just one and she has plenty of cousins and friends to spend time with. I

Its worth noting before I go on that my child is not neurodivergent nor is she from a broken home. Me and her dad have been together twelve years. We have never broken up nor divorced either, partly because we’ve never been married. So there’s really no need for her to be doing what she does.

Lately she has been reverting back to baby speech - saying things like chippies or icky, the worst is bobo when she wants her water bottle and it’s grinding my gears to the maximum. It’s gotten so bad that my partner will flat out ignore her.

Earlier on today she had a full on temper tantrum and kept screaming “icky icky icky” over ice cream spilling on her fingers while we were out. When I pulled her up on to her feet and sternly told her she was on thin ice she reverted back to baby speech “I no wike you” was among my top five favourites.

AIBU to ignore her like my partner is doing? Is this a phase she’ll grow out of? I’m dreading sending her back to school the week after next because her baby talk has got so bad none of her friends have wanted to spend time all summer

I really don’t need the shaming mum parade, I’d like a hand hold and for someone to tell me their kid has also been driving them beserk too

although I know I’m likely to be flamed - Mumsnet seems to be that way

Already done that. There’s nothing going on, she had a full blown conversation and understood what she was being asked. Didn’t need me to take control of the conversation or repeat at all

Ignore it, not in a dramatic way - just ‘darling I don’t understand you, speak normally’ and then carry on till she does.

She won’t do it to her teacher

They go through weird patches and she’ll probably knock it on the head when she’s back at school. If she doesn’t then seek some advice from the school counselling service on how to manage it while it lasts. It’s not easy.

By any chance is she looking for kindness and understanding from you ? You seem to talk about her quite harshly ?

Did she discuss the baby voice?

I'm sure I read before when children do this it is because they are realising they are letting babyhood go and aren't ready to not be a baby/toddler anymore or I suppose a little child and they are coming to terms with it. Apparently it's also linked to needing more attention.

Agree with this.
Behaviour has a reason behind it. You need to identify the reason. Are you sure she's not ND? (How can you tell? Girls are often late to be diagnosed.) Are there any other behavioural issues?

I feel sorry for your child.

@Soccergearmissingagain

No other behavioural issues, she’s as good as gold but she just won’t stop with the baby talk and it’s driving me bananas.

It’s gotten so bad today I’ve locked myself in the spare room to cry, drink tea and watch a show. I’m the mum who always blames themself for things like this

I think this is a recognised phase that some children go through, sometimes because they are anxious about something in their life. I once taught a 10yo girl who did it. It's very annoying, but they do grow out of it! It might be better to ignore it.

Sorry, just saw you've already attended a child psychologist. What did s/he advise?

No possibility anything unpleasant has happened to her that you're not aware of? If you were there during child psych assessment she might not have wanted to talk about it. Assuming this, and that you're confident she's not ND, sounds like one to just ignore. Bit odd that she's driven her friends away by doing it is the only reason I ask about other things. Has she discovered that doing this gives her some power over other people's behaviour, even if negatively, so she's testing that out?

Oh god-one of mine did this! Drove me mad. My mother advised me to just ignore it-and I did. And she stopped.

Have you actually sat her down and asked her if she could explain why she’s doing this? And what did she say?

I’m also interested in how you know the baby talk is the reason her friends seem to be dropping her. Have they told her that? Have their parents told you? Or is it a guess?

I think it is relatively common for kids to go through a phase like this, but maybe not as extreme as it seems to be with your daughter. I do think ignoring her unless she speaks normally is probably a good idea.

YABVVVVU to use the expression 'broken home' in 2024 for a start!
Also, as a parent to a 9yr old autistic DD who does exactly the behaviour you describe, I'm saying that your DD very much is neurodivergent and that it's nothing to be ashamed of! Unless she's been assessed by the NHS and you have it in writing from them that they've found her not to be neurodiverse, then you cannot simply declare her as "not neurodivergent" as you don't have the power to say that. Even child psychologists need a panel of fellow child psychologists and autism specialists to declare a child to be one way or the other.

Me too.

Unless she's been assessed by the NHS and you have it in writing from them that they've found her not to be neurodiverse, then you cannot simply declare her as "not neurodivergent"

i have it in writing from three psychiatrists and most of her teachers at school have told me she isn’t autistic.

but thank you very much for claiming you know my child

Why stressing out? Be glad the teacher won't tolerate her nonsense.

I'd actually completely ignore her unless she speaks normally.

DGD watched a lot of US tv during lockdown and developed a very very whiny American accent.
A lot of ‘awww no fairrrrr’ in a very high-pitched tone.
She persisted in spite of the telling off and the ignoring.
I told her I thought it was cute and she stopped doing it 😃

(I would be extremely surprised if your dd did it with her teacher. Not twice anyway. I don’t think you need to worry about that.)

I also fail to see how 'baby talk' riles people up so much. ND or not, if the child can speak normally but just does this for whatever reason (since you have no idea), they aren't hurting anyone. Why is it so bad? Second-hand embarrassment? Social rejection? These and more are all things that shouldn't be the poor kids' problem. Your issue to sort out.

Let them suit and soothe themselves the way they can, just like you do with whatever you approve of and choose for yourself.

Ok but there is neurodivergence beyond autism. Can I ask why she has seen three psychiatrists? Is it just for the baby talk or have there been other things that have worried you?

Have you asked her why she does it? In a calm moment, in a just out of curiosity sort of way? And if so, what did she say?

Psychiatrists don’t get involved in autism assessments/diagnosis love! None of them do. Also, Teachers are NOT autism assessors! They don’t have the qualifications nor rights to declare a child not autistic so that’s completely wrong!

Why are you hateful of neurodiversity? It’s nothing to be ashamed of

I work with a lot of children who have had input from Mental Health services. It's very, very rare for an 8 year old to have been assessed by three different Psychiatrists. Can you explain how this came about?

Is she generally quite immature for her age? I did this, infact was still doing it at high school, and often seemed/felt more immature than my peers. I was diagnosed ND at age 39 (not autism but ADHD)

Three psychiatrists have seen her? Why? And when?