To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

Bingo! I joked about this upthread

I don't think 1 more kid is going to make a huge difference to the chaos, I would say yes.

Yabu, it is one 5 year old child. It is hardly going to "change the dynamics" of a bouncy castle party in the back garden!

I think it's a bit harsh to say no. I couldn't imagine anyone in real life saying no to this. I get the reasons you would but I think there was nothing wrong with her asking.

If the parents are expected to leave DC, I'd say yes, you refuse, but if you're expecting parents to stay, I think you have to say OK for the sibling, and realistically, it makes no difference to you, as his mother will be responsible for him.

I agree with this. For all my kids' birthdays we've always had a few extra siblings turn up and I don't mind. I'd appreciate it as well if I was stuck for childcare. In a few years it won't be an issue as parties become drop and runs.

Surely if the parents are staying (which at 3 they certainly should be) it’s not really a big deal?
We often had 25+ kids for parties at that age, but parent’s stayed.

I agree with this. In our circles people tend to say yes to siblings unless it's a paid activity type thing. I would feel bad for saying no to my DC's friend's sibling, and I've always let people join in even if space has been a bit tight. People always end up dropping out at the last minute anyway, and one 5-year old will probably merely pick at some cocktail sausages and have a bounce in the bouncy castle. 😂 Maybe your DC will make friends them and would be all proud of having an older friend. 🥹

Having been through 3 years of infant school and I'd estimate approximately 60 parties I'd honestly say you need to get used to this - it is absolutely the tip of the iceberg.

People will rsvp the morning of the party, not rsvp and turn up anyway, turn up with unexpected siblings, rsvp but then not turn up, not tell you in advance about allergies/dietary requirements, drop and run and turn up late to collect.

Also think YAB a bit U. Unexpected siblings come with the territory of nursery parties. DD’s pre-school class is age 3 and up, so her 4th birthday party had a range of 3 year olds to almost-5 year olds, and a smattering of 2 year old siblings. There was a bouncy castle, none of the giant almost-5’s piled on and ruined it for the just-turned 3’s.

It's not a case of being respectable. Maybe they literally don't have anyone else to have the 5 year old.
Many people are fine with siblings coming along so I don't think it's rude to ask as they could miss out unnecessarily.

If this sudenly happens (it won't) then you can just say 'sorry, we've already got a few extra siblings and I don't think i can squeeze any more in.'

Other parents have presumably managed to sort out child care for a couple of hours.

"I'm afraid not - others have asked and due to space I've had to give a blanket NO to be fair to everyone."

Sorry, what?

Parents who have childcare options have childcare options. But not everyone does have childcare options, obviously.

I always account for an extra sibling.

'Respectable'

Fucking hell.

I'd say yes, the more the merrier. I don't really understand the issue personally, but you do you

Are you being deliberately goady? Because that's how you are coming across.

An older child can completely change a party - so I'd say no.

As it's a party at your home with lots of kids anyway, I don't see the issue.

It will be quite embarrassing for you if you say no, then the mum comes and it's obvious the older child could have been accommodated just fine.

If you have another child, and the reverse scenario occurs, how would it make you feel?

To be really honest, I'd judge a mum who said no as being uptight and controlling. (Obviously different if there's actual space issues or you're paying per child)

Stick to your guns OP and say sorry, no extras.

Personally, I’d be cautious with a bouncy castle at home anyway so you certainly don’t want potentially bigger kids causing problems.

Parents who are cheeky will soon work out who the pushover mums are and they’ll be using those parents for free childcare before you can sneeze.

Not everyone has available baby sitters and even if they do, I wouldn't waste the precious gift of someone babysitting for me to go to a three year olds party.

She's only 5! It's not like she's going to turn up and start handing out vapes.