To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

@mewkins. Made me chuckle!

I completely agree. My children are grown now, but my attitude was always 'the more the merrier' and I'd manage to cobble together another party bag or three.

Sounds a tad uptight quite honestly. 13 years of hosting kids parties and it’s quite normal to have requests of this type, it’s also usual to have the odd person RSVP the day before! I wouldn’t do it but hey ho.

I always accommodate such things quite happily as my only concern is that my children have a great party - I want people to feel welcome not like an imposition.

By all means say no but I hope you don’t find yourself in need of a favour like this and your own child has to miss a party.

I don’t think it’s rude of her to ask if it means her 3 year old can’t attend. Not everyone has grandparents / neighbours that help with childcare (as you know MN said we should never expect this anyway).

You also aren’t rude or bad to say no, it’s just one of those situations and it’s not a big deal.

Always nice to be inclusive - i've had that request a couple of times and it's never been an issue for me.

The sibling is "nearly 5", so that makes her 4. Not a massively different age bracket from the 3yr olds when you think about it...

Personally, I’d be cautious with a bouncy castle at home anyway so you certainly don’t want potentially bigger kids causing problems.

This would be my worry tbh. I'd actually have less of a problem with it if it was soft play and the mother was willing to pay for sibling/not expect food or party bag.

on mumsnet people think this is incredibly rude to ask about a sibling - in normal life (and my kids are through this age but I hosted a lot of kids parties) = it's just a totally polite and normal question

two weeks before a party is also a totally normal response time.

Mum has no childcare - child is 3 so very young to be left - she asks can she bring sibling - totally polite and normal. you could say no - tbh i'd find an older sibling more annoying than younegr as they may get in the way of littlies

BUT - can't we all just stop the drama over people asking polite questions?

I've never known anyone say no IRL, not everyone works Monday-Friday so there's usually someone who needs to bring a sibling along. I've had to ask myself in the past, and the sibling has always been welcomed with open arms (and a party bag).

It's worth playing the long game here - if you'll know these people through primary school you'd presumably rather have a reputation for generosity.

Besides. Ten three years olds? Your house is fucked anyway, one more five year old won't make any difference. Speaking from recent bitter experience!

This.

do you have just one child OP?

I'd say yes.

When you've got 10 children already one more is nothing.

You've got plenty adults there and presumably mum is staying.

Or do this

Answer "I'm afraid not, I understand if you cannot make it"

Back in the real world, no one is this blunt, and if you are, I can pretty much guarantee the person you say this to will never speak to you again

I think it's a bit mean, at least they asked and it won't make much difference. Not allowing the sister to come will probably mean the boy doesn't come either.
Also letting you know 2 weeks ago is loads of notice! Most people don't even send invites out until 2 weeks before a party

And that is a problem…?

I second this.

I have occasionally asked to bring my 2 year old along to parties with my 4 year old. I’m a single parent with very few childcare options. Occasionally their dad agrees to have one of them but is very flaky so I am sometimes asking at last minute. I’d be completely fine if the parent said no and always feel bad about asking but the alternative is trying to find a paid babysitter for two hours on a weekend morning, which can be really difficult, or my 4 year old never going to parties. In reality parents have always been really nice about it and there’s usually a few siblings there. I don’t expect the youngest to join in party tea or get a party bag or anything.

I can honestly say that if someone did say this, their card would be marked fir the rest of primary 😂

We always used to say yes to siblings, but this got more difficult as we met many families with twins, who were additional siblings. I’d have thought at home you had the flexibility to invite more, as you don’t have hall hire / cleaning costs.

I've only come across siblings not being included where it's something like soft play or trampolining where it's booked out and there's a number limit. All the hall or at home parties my daughter has been to over the last 3yr included siblings. I'd also say 2 weeks is loads of time to RSVP. 2 days is a bit short notice but a fortnight is absolutely ages for a kids party.

I think it’s unnecessary to say no. The reality is that many parents can’t get childcare so one sibling can attend a party – she’s not cheeky, that’s the reality. Since you are having a lot of kids round anyway, I don’t see the issue. An older girl is ideal too as the kids will likely look up to her and she will like helping out.

You’re in for a long future of people asking to bring siblings to parties for this reason – in my experience it’s almost always happily accommodated.

I think you’ll find over the next few years it’s quite common to bring siblings to parties. I think if it’s not an individually paid for thing I personally think it’s a bit harsh to say no. Do you have other children? If not, once you do you’ll be in the same boat…

Seriously? Obviously the woman has been looking at other options, 2 weeks notice is hardly grounds for being called a CF.

You will get this request every time you host a party. It's hardly a big deal. If you can't accommodate then say no. I think you are being a bit mean personally.