To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

At least she asked, I’ll bet that at least 4 more will just arrive with siblings in tow and expect them to included & catered for.

Honestly as a parent who often had to ask this I would be fine with you saying no. It would probably mean invited child wasn’t able to attend but I would completely respect your answer.

When I’ve hosted parties I’ve allowed siblings providing there is the additional space for them. Soft play parties are usually limited numbers so couldn’t always accommodate but hosting in a hall yes I would. If it’s not going to be tight on space I’d be inclined to say yes, but I’m also a soft touch who doesn’t like the thought of a child missing out.

I think you might find that some other people just bring them - so the Mum who asked might be fed up if other uninvited kids are there.

You could say you’d rather she didn’t because of the space concerns - 5yos and 3 yos are also quite different in terms of the way they play and behave so it might be tricky having one older (than the others) one there.

You could send a general message to ask people to try to avoid bringing additional children due to space as well.

What happened @PurplePetalPip ?

If its not a paid per head event, I say yes. Usually I have parties at our home so it isn't a problem, although I don't provide a party bag etc for the additional sibling as they weren't invited.

We've been in the position of not having childcare for youngest with eldest parties. I've had to ask but usually its parents we know well so isn't an issue. Most people don't really mind and 99% of the time even if its a paid for event, they offer my youngest a spare space if someone doesn't turn up. If not, I pay (softplay, trampolining etc) and take their own food etc.

What an arsehole you are OP.

Surely you must understand that some people have more than one child and don't always have someone to watch them so the other can attend a party.

You must be a very sad individual to take such offence at this and say no 🙄

Its ENTIRELY different talking about inviting a 3 year old to a kids party and a hen do ffs.

Just as carers go free many places there are some times in society when people NEED a chaperone and reasonable accomodations are expected to be made to allow it. You can't always 'just invite one person'.

OBVIOUSLY a 3 year old needs a chaperone and that chaperone is ALSO required for the 5 year old. By saying no OP will have invited a 3 year old then turned around and rescinded the invite excluding the child for something thats not in their control.

Its completely different to an able bodied adult going on a hen do asking if they can bring a random along.

This is the type of thing where only those ignorant to the need would consider it rude, their tune sharp shifts when they have their 2nd kid and no childcare and suddenly its them needing accommodations making.

Wouldn’t bother me at all. Having done years of kids parties, I’ve always said yes to siblings if it doesn’t cost me much more and they don’t have alternative childcare. The ones that turn up with no forewarning are more annoying 😂
You might find the five year old a real asset - lots of kids that age love “helping” or whose younger ones etc.

Wow I thought most people would say ‘oh don’t be silly, let the sibling come’. It makes me sad that so many people would be so mean about it! Some people genuinely don’t have childcare options and it is really hard to be a parent, and especially to meet the needs of two or more children, without support. You’d think other mums would be more kind. If you really don’t have space you could of course say you’re afraid not this time, but all this ‘CF’ talk is very harsh in my opinion.

It's not cheeky of her to ask at all. You can respond how you like, but it's fair enough she asked if she has no one to watch her child.

Say no but expect her not to go at all if she has no childcare

OP I think since this is the first child’s party you have hosted you are being OTT.

Its not at all unusual for parents to ask to bring a sibling in my experience. She probably doesn’t have anyone to mind the sibling and wants her 3 year old to attend.

I would say yes personally because as you said one child isn’t going to make a difference.

I don’t think saying no is a big deal either.

Slippery slope as yes to one sibling can then get around and others want to bring siblings. I would say really sorry if we were in a hall and had more space it would absolutely be a yes but at home I don’t have space. I often had issues with childcare when mine were little as dad worked weekends and no family close by so if it was at a hall or soft play etc. I would ask early and pay for sibling if space but if a home party I would ask a mum friend to take invited child and stay home with sibling

It’s a very common request - I’d say yes but wouldn’t provide a party bag had I already made them and not got the stuff however most parents that ask don’t expect that, they’re just genuinely struggling for childcare.

I’ve got 2 kids; I’m always asking and being asked - I say that they’ll sit with me colouring or I ask if they can join in the soft play at my expense (of course we expect no food to be provided and we state that!)

This has likely already been said, but other guests will inevitably turn up with siblings without having asked.