To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

You should plan for siblings to arrive unexpectedly, people do this! (Not me!)

The childcare may have fallen through/ partner suddenly had to work etc

She doesn't have to pick one, no.

But it is twatty not to give either option, as what that means is single parents and those without wider family support have to see their kids excluded.

That's why I always accepted a sibling if asked - because some families have fewer options and it's hard on the kids if people are not generous.

Why would her now finding childcare and coming be awkward?

Hahaha yes, never forget 'No is a complete sentence'!

I hate to break it to you, but two weeks is not late to reply to a kids’ party. Once they are in school, you can expect replies the day before.

Personally, I would allow them to stay. You are likely to have upwards of 15 adults in your house, a five year old won’t make any difference.

You can say no…and then you’ll only have 9 3yr olds to contend with I suppose.
When mine were that age, I lived somewhere. I had no family support and my husband worked away for weeks at a time. If I couldn’t bring my eldest then I wouldn’t have gone. I understand that would be my decision she’s not asking to be cheeky. She’s asking so that she can figure out her logistics and where she stands and whether she can go or not. Not everyone is out to be a CF. Maybe her options are bring the five-year-old or don’t go at all. But yes, @PurplePetalPip ultimately it is up to you….

@DragonFly98 the whole point of this post is to gauge opinions on this so clearly I'm undecided on what I'm going to do. Of course I don't expect her to leave the child alone. There are other options - I.e. find childcare or don't come. I don't know what my response will be yet though anyway hence this post so there's no need to be so rude.

Just tell her to drop your DCs friend off, she doesn't need to stay. To be fair, at least she's asked! When my DD was young and we had parties there were a few occasions parents brought along siblings and just dumped them in the party without even asking!

It’s a no from me. Imagine if every parent of a child at the party did this

Please be mindful 'find childcare' is not actually possible for many people.

You are within your rights to say no but at least acknowledge this person might have limited options.

It's their 3yo you're excluding.

I think you're being very petty. I would say yes, but the other option is to let her drop off. Not everyone has childcare, I never did because we don't live near family. I also did huge parties in our garden and I know that looking after her child along with your own, with loads of other parents present to help, is not a big deal. I take it you don't really like this mum very much?

But the problem is not about parents staying or not, is it? It's about having an extra child in an entirely different age bracket who has no accommodations made for them as the OP didn't know they were coming.

i think YW be a bit U to say no, honestly - but perhaps it depends if it’s a person / family you’d like to keep in your / your DC’s friends orbit in the future.

If I were to say no I might offer an alternative, like a playdate with both siblings.

Everyone brought extra dc and left them too? That's terrible

So? It's a kids birthday party not a formal gathering. How hard will it be?

I totally agree with that. Also some people only get their shifts two weeks in advance. So can't accept invites until then. I can't believe that she's being called a CF. It's a horrible world many on here in live in.

I would have said yes

@DragonFly98
Don't be ridiculous. This completely normal to host events and expect only those invited to attend. I can't imagine your life. Weddings, 21sts, hen do. Random people joining in and you thinking it would be selfish or rude to tell them to fuck off.

Not to mention a 5 year old is miles bigger than 3 year olds. In a bouncy castle in particular, it's not safe.

I think that's a bit mean to be honest. I have a 4 year old and a 2 year old and when ever the 4 year old is invited somewhere the hosting parents are always fine with the 2 year old coming because I stay for the party and look after them both. Lots of people in my area bring the sibling along, it's no big deal.

I agree it's horrible how spiteful and closed people can be on here.

This person is absolutely NOT a CF for asking a polite question in decent time.

Oh come on! It's a bouncy castle in a back garden, not a high society wedding.

Uptight doesn't even cover it.

I agree, if you say yes to this one and then others ask you can’t say no to them and before you know it everyone could be bringing siblings along.

Say sorry but no, she’s just asked a question which is fine but you don’t have to say yes.

I think it would be unreasonable to say no. An extra sibling or 2 doesn't change the dynamic of what's basically a few kids playing in the back garden. She may have had childcare plans fall through. It happens. I always anticipated a few extra siblings at my kids birthdays shit happens, and plans change. Fingers crossed, you have good weather, and the kids have a ball.

If parents are staying for the party then it’s not a big issue, providing the parent keeps an eye on their children themselves for any behaviour. The addition of the bouncy castle when a 5 year old is bigger than a 3 year old could cause a safety aspect depending on the behaviour of the 5 year old. Different if parents were leaving child there (in which case I would see why you’d have an issue).

Ultimately it’s your decision, if you do say no you need a good reason, your best bet is to reference safety. I think if it was me I’d say yes but would caveat the safety aspect with a larger child and seek assurance that parent was happy to manage the behaviour of her children (perhaps worded more tactfully than I have here)