To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

This. I dropped my kid off at his pal’s party today, spent some quality time with my 6 year old then picked him up.

She is perfectly reasonable to ask, but you are perfectly reasonable to say no, you really can’t cope with additional children. The 3yo will not be traumatised by missing one of the endless run of parties at that age.

It's up to you OP, it's not wrong of her to ask but you'd not be wrong to say no if you so wish.

If the kids are going to be in the same school and friendship groups, I'd worry that my child may be excluded by this same mum at some point to be petty. Also it could be awkward if your child and her child end up really close. If you're worried about others then asking the same you just say "Sorry but we've already said yes to a couple of other additional siblings so we can't accommodate any more"

I wouldn't have thought that one more child is going to make much difference, especially as she's only 4! I'd say it's fine to bring her 🤷‍♀️

Yeah like it’s the bloody Grammys or something…who actually cares!

Also as a reminder, there’s not a single parent bringing their child to the party that actually wants to be there. Children’s parties are tedious AF and there are a million things that parent would rather do.
Therefore she is making an effort for your child and her child to get there. This is not some selfish desperate attempt to get her other child into an amazing party - this is a mum trying to do best by both your kids that is in a childcare bind 🤦‍♀️

I think that parents that ask that are CFs for putting that on a parent. Parties are frantic enough without additional children you didn’t invite assuming they are part of the party too.

You could maybe get away with it in a hall but at a home or paid activity absolutely not and certainly not up for random kids grabbing party bags and/or food, that is just rude

Was never a thing years ago but then again parents staying wasn’t as such a thing back then either, that seems to be a fairly recent change in my experience. Even for a party at that age, was drop off and parents would rope in their friends/family members to help with supervising

As presumably you expect parents to stay with their child I think it would be unkind to say no.
I don't think it's cheeky that she was left it late ti ask as she could have been waiting to see if she could get childcare for her 5 year old.

I think it's ok to say no siblings.

Be prepared for parents to bring extra children without warning. People will not RSVP and turn up or RSVP and not show.

As my DC are older teenagers, I'm glad parties are behind me. We often had parents bringing a siblings without letting us know in advance. Even if we said in advance that numbers were tight and it was a paid for session.

Tbf I would say it was ok if they are staying to look after them. I would prepare a cake, party bag if Iwas doing them.

I would say yes. She asked so she ain’t the type of cheeky bugger who just turns up and it’s hard when plans fall through or you don’t have local childcare. I always said yes - more the merrier!

I know where you’re coming from OP and I hated it when we had older kids to dc1’s party. But now I can see things from the other end of the telescope: once you have multiple children and if you’re a single mum sometimes your younger child can’t go to a party unless you do this. So I think it would be kind to the mum and dc if you said yes to them: you may find yourself in this situation one day.

This is well expressed and true.

No, but it is an afternoon of cheap entertainment and food for your kids.

Saying there's no room for one more does seem a bit of a weak reason when there's not really a number limit (like in a soft play for example) & she might be offended. It's up to you. I'm a people pleaser so I would say yes. 😂 But then I wouldn't care, it's already going to be mad and noisy, what's one more if you can help a fellow mummy out and her 3 year old doesn't get to miss out either.

Really? How long ago? 3rd birthday parties when I was a kid would mostly be parents and siblings staying with the 2/3yo invitees. My parents have my 4th birthday on VCR and it’s parents and siblings all over the shop - that was the 90s.

My children were born in the 80s and parents always stayed at parties for pre school children. And if they had siblings the assumption was the siblings would also attend if there was no one else to care for them. It was never an issue.

Out of interest, how many children do you have? Speaking as a parent of two fairly close in age, it is difficult when invited to things that you need to stay at, to make alternative arrangements for the sibling when you are the primary carer. That said, this is a weekend party so unless she is a single parent, there is presumably a partner who can watch the 5 year old? If it’s the case and she wants to bring both to give him the morning off, that’s a bit cheeky. If she has no partner and therefore no childcare, I think it would be fair to include the 5 year old.

No is a complete sentence.

I was at birthday parties in the 80s and my sister in the 90s - was all drop offs as far as I can remember. Only parties my mum was at with me (single parent too) was my own obviously or my cousins’. Friends parties was dropped off and picked up from young

Similarly I was never dragged along to a party my sister was invited too

In what world is it petty and selfish to host a party for ten 3-year olds?

I’m usually one for setting clear boundaries and being comfortable about saying no, but I’m two children and many parties deep now and it’s definitely expected and accepted amongst most parents that a sibling here or there will come (though most respect obvious boundaries where paid events are being hosted). I don’t think it’s a huge deal for one sibling to join.

It becomes unreasonable when you have to pay per head for a specific activity and it costs you. When you need parents to attend then it is likely people will need to bring siblings. Inconvenient perhaps but that's the reality. It is not going to be every child bringing a sibling and she wasn't late to rsvp or cheeky to ask. In their shoes would you want your dc to miss out on so many parties? What about in school when it's their friend's party?

No if you know the child and she's one of those bossy little madams who will start organising the younger children.

Yes, if she does as you tell her without getting in a strop.

It may well only be one extra DC but if more requested bringing siblings could/would you want to cater for them also?