To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

It's a bit shitty not to allow one 5yo to a party where you're already having 10 other children plus adults. I do understand not wanting extras and when you say yes to one then maybe others would hear of it and bring theirs too so when this happened to me (the mother was in hospital and the Dad msgd to ask if he could bring the kids sibling) I did say yes but I don't have room for various siblings so not to mention it to the other parents (one mum in particular is known for bringing all 5 kids to any party so I wrote on invites no siblings). He brought the sibling and paid for their entry and meal and ice cream after even though I had asked the venue to include it. He said it was just a life saver that day as the kids needed a distraction from their mums illness and he didn't want to cancel on the invited child so thought he'd just ask.

But the mum is asking upfront, it’s not like she’s turned up on the doorstep on the day of the party and asked

What does she mean she has no one to watch her 5yr old. Does that mean this mum is staying at the party too? If so then I would let her other child come. Otherwise I don't understand how it makes sense that she has no one to watch her if she's free herself to watch her since she's not coming to the party?

there are a lot of parents out there that simply don’t have the support system, particularly single mums. No I wouldn’t say no - I think it’s unnecessarily exclusionary. Party of 3 year olds - a 5 year old is going to make zero difference and if anything be helpful.

I usually assume some will show up, but ask parents to let me know if they are coming so I don’t run out of food. Don’t normally give the extras party bags etc but will if I have extra.

This is my issue.
All my kids parties have been in our house. Space is limited. I also plan for a certain number of kids. Not a certain number of kids plus 5 of their older/younger siblings. I buy the right amount of food, prizes and party bags for the 10 kids I’ve invited. I don’t have extra and I’m not paying for it.
I just think it’s so rude to bring along people who are not invited.

I personally think its petty to say no, it's 1 child and its no biggie. You're annoyance is simply being asked. Yeah she should have come at the angle of saying really sorry I can't make it we have no childcare for 5yo. I bet you'd have been accommodating then, so it's not the act of another child being there that's the issue, it's the way it was asked. I couldn't be bothered being uptight about this.

I used to stress about this. Dh would work weekends and I’d have no one to watch my other children if a parent expected me to bring one dd and stay at a party. So many families can’t do that. Thankfully all the parents were understanding and always included dtds in parties where parents had to stay or they’d look after dd1 and I could take dtds away. Not many people are willing to babysit baby twins. You can of course say no but your planning seems oblivious to people’s normal situations.

Safety issues lol - again, here on Planet Earth 3 and 5 year olds come in a variety of sizes and bouncy castles accommodate both

I find the polarising responses in these threads fascinating.

im in the more the merrier camp.

my daughter’s party is next week. I specifically said in the invite to let me know if any siblings are coming so I can cater and enough party bags. Never ever woukd I say no. I like to think I’m teaching my children to be welcoming and inclusive.

im so far from being a pushover but I’m very social able and flexible and don’t overworry about the small things (like having an extra person at a 3 year old party).

I think it depends on the RSVP date.

If it's before this, then yes it's fine.

If after, I get that it's a bit rude but honestly it's just a question, OP can just say no end of.

I was ready to agree with you but one extra child at a garden party will make no difference.

But if you’re inviting dc knowing they have siblings, there’s a high chance they won’t all have childcare on hand for the other dcs. Common sense surely.

This thread is making me miss the 1970s/80s and I NEVER say that.

There's no wonder society is so fucking lonely, when people are so rigid.

I have pretty good boundaries for real issues, but I just couldn't bring myself to be this (up)tight.

I am perfectly happy for children to be dropped off though. I don’t need parents to stay.

Based on the information you have provided, you sound petty and spiteful to me. She has asked nicely in advance of the party. Given the invited child is 3, they are younger than the age of dropping and running. It seems likely her original plan for childcare didn't materialise.

I am usually the first one getting annoyed with posters for not standing up for themselves when someone dumps multiple siblings on them at a party but this case is far from that.

@Mary28 - It's a party for a 3yr old of course parents will be staying.

YABU. Do you think she wants to spend her weekend at a 3 year olds birthday party? (She doesn’t) she’s doing it for your child (& hers a bit too.) What difference is one 5 year old going to make? It’s nice to be nice.

You might find some just turn up with their other children without even asking.

I love the view of - what if everyone brings a sibling like it’s the party of the year that everyone’s desperate to go to 😂

Would you mind the child coming along or do you not want them to, do you have real concerns over space? If the answers yes then of course it’s your house/garden you can have who ever you want or don’t want round. Me personally would not turn away a 5 year old. I’ve held parties before and had extra children (due to childcare) and I’ve also asked and taken my child along with sibling to a party. In this case it’s one extra child I don’t see how that would change the dynamic

it still rocks my boat people drop off 3 year olds without even thinking to stay. i wouldnt. i think you could say- if mum is happy to stay too to supervise thats ok?
..

I’ve always felt that if you host a kids party, it’s either a drop off or you allow siblings. If it’s a paid for per child activity it’s of course reasonable to say you won’t pay for siblings, but this is usually older than 3. I’ve had 3 kids and never known anything different IRL.

The mum isn’t a CF, she asked in advance. If you don’t allow drop off or siblings as a rule you exclude the children of single parents and shift workers de facto. Paying for 3h childcare for every children’s party is not a realistic option for most people.

This isn’t directed at you OP, I’m just 😱 at some of the responses on here!

I think you are being a bit mean. She's explained that she has no other cover - the other kids' siblings obviously have cover.
Also, surprised that you criticised her for providing you with 2 weeks notice. How much notice do you need? It's not a wedding!!

If you don't have space, you can and can tell them it is the reason.

Yes I thought this.

The nice polite mum who asked gets kicked off the invite list but anyone who just rocks up will probably be let in - it takes nerves of steel to turn people away at the door.