To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

OP, is your three year old your only child? I only ask because I might once have had the same reaction, but now, with 2 kids to juggle, I get how hard it is to get them both to the parties they've been invited to. I always accommodate siblings wherever I can (and make a point of stating this on invitations). It's different if it's a paid activity per person (although actually we did once accommodate a few siblings for this too), but in your garden, if you CAN help out, then I would. If you have more children, you may be asking the same question in year or two, and a 'no' might mean your child is unable to attend.

As a lone parent of three I don't ask if they can all go I say 'thankyou I'll let you know if I can arrange something for siblings and let you know'
Often they will say to bring them all but it's fine if not.
I also always cater for siblings because I know how hard it is for some.

But anyway, it's a party I would say yes and let them have fun

I would just let the sibling come, we have that at our school, some parents don’t have any childcare, one extra five year old wouldn’t make that much difference. Siblings are always welcome, a lot of parents here travel for work etc so it’s not unusual for one parent have to bring a few kids. People obviously double check if it’s ok. You should never turn up with extra kids without asking first.

Actually I agree with this:

“Moveoverdarlin · Today 15:47
I think it’s mean to say no. What difference will one 5 yr old make? A few kids might not turn up. I would just say ‘sure no probs’. The fact it’s in your garden gives you even more flexibility. She probably won’t be able to come now, which I know you don’t mind, but bloody hell, it’s a bit pedantic.”

The mother will be staying anyway and one extra young child won’t really make a difference and might even help a bit. I think this kindness would count for a lot and will cost you less than you think it will.

People on MN are weird. What difference will one child make as the parents will be staying. I expect you'll also get both:

• people that don't show (creating extra spaces)

• people that turn up with a sibling anyway as they are staying and don't have childcare.

Same. I had 2 slightly older siblings at my DD's 3rd birthday party and they got food and party bags etc and were included in the numbers.

That's so rude. What did you do when you saw her next?

I think it’s fine to say no if you genuinely don’t have room, just expect the DC to not be able to come.

please make sure the bouncy castle is secure if there is any wind, do not take chances

Even the most sensible and mature dont realise the risk of bouncy castles in even the tiniest bit of wind

It is actually not my experience that most children have parties.
We have had years when my kids were the only one. They do other things like family trips out etc.
I’m not going to be made to feel Bad for not wanted to cough up a load more money for kids I didn’t invite and who my child doesn’t even know.
Mumsnet always claims that kids shouldn’t have to invite children they don’t like. Why is this different?

I’d say yes unless it really is inconvenient for you. How much does your child want the original invitee there? Because if you say no to the sibling it’s likely the intended child won’t be there either. Chances are a couple won’t turn up anyway, it’s always the case with parties.

Also re the stress and being “frantic” parties are as stressful as you make them. Kids are happy just to have company. If your DD suddenly made a new best friend I’m sure you’d find space. I actually like that my DC have some sibling group friends now - makes things easier!

I wonder if the responses thinking she’s a cf are parents with only one child? Most of us with two + children know and understand that this happens and single parents would struggle to get their kids to party’s if they had these restrictions. Most people don’t take the piss and bring kids if they don’t need to. I’ve had parties where siblings have come , their parents just paid the entry fee for the child at a soft play but at a house it’s less of an issue in my opinion. You do realise there are always kids that drop out of parties. You’re lucky she’s asked and replied once they get to school half the people don’t have the courtesy to reply! I would let the child come , you may have to do the same one day.

So in this basis as a solo parent my kids would never have been able to go to a party. We always planned to accommodate siblings at parties.

It’s mean. And you know it otherwise you wouldn’t have posted.

I would say no. Other people at the party might have found it easier to bring a sibling too but they weren't cheeky enough to ask. One more child might not make a difference but 6 or 7 older children at a party for 10 three year olds would change it completely. And you can't make an exception for one person and not everybody else.

I would never ask to take a sibling to a party unless it was a babe in arms who wouldn't be joining in.

It's none of the other guests' business who the OP chooses to include. Period.

Once the children are old enough to not need the parents staying, it’s cheeky to request to bring another child but when the parents need to stay I think it has got to be seen as necessary sometimes.
finding childcare is not that easy a lot of the time.
surely it’s better to ask that just decline outright if she has no childcare. If you were fine with it (and lots would be) then she would have declined unnecessarily.

I get very tired of the assumption on MN that everyone works Mon-Fri. DH is a supermarket manager. He works shifts, which 99.9% of the time include both weekend days.

We don't have any other family nearby, (and bearing in mind DSis is a midwife, who also works weekends, and BIL a highway patrol officer doing likewise, it wouldn't make much difference if they lived on the same street) so I always had to ask when the kids were invited to parties. I always asked in advance, always said there was no pressure, and that it was fine if sibling couldn't be accommodated. It was 50/50 on whether they went, and that was fine - I just needed to know ahead of time. It's not cheeky to ask - it's a fucking necessity for an awful lot of people!

This, with bells on.

Some of the posts on this thread are absolute peak Mumsnet.

I really disagree with this! I think that for parents of multiple young children, if they don't have another parent or child care to watch the sibling what are they supposed to do?
I only have one small child so this isn't an issue I have ever had, but I've always expected siblings at DD parties and catered for them - I'd rather she had a few extra guests than missed one of her friends

WTF is cheeky about asking, and explaining the particular difficulty, with two weeks notice? It's not about "being easier" - she can't. You are only making an exception for a very small number of people who "can't": everyone else is irrelevant.
I'm a single parent. If I'm expected to stay (I'm very happy to leave my child), then I'm bringing the siblings. (NB I would ask, and obviously a "paid activity" eg soft play is different, but by then they are old enough to be left anyway.)
Asking is polite, not cheeky.

But it doesn't involve any money - it's in her house!
And this is not about the kid not liking someone: it's about the Mum having a childcare problem. Isn't mumsnet sympathetic to that?
I think OP is being mean, and why anyone things the Mum is a CF for asking with lengthy notice is beyond me.

"coughing up a load of money" ? @Smartiepants79
OP is at home - it's one extra child a 5 year old.

You’re deliberately missing my point.
It might just be one child. It might be 5 or 6 if I make it known that all siblings are welcome.
And you have no idea how much a I budget to spend per child! We have small parties so I can spend what I want on each kid. If I wanted a 20 person party then I’d invite 20 people.