To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

Who knows - maybe the older child was going to something else that was cancelled. Maybe someone who was going to look after her is ill. Yes if the mother always planned to bring her, and only told you now it's rude, but that's your guess. It's in your house. One more child won't change the dynamic that much or take up that much more room. If the kids are 3, it's perfectly possible that the kid won't be happy staying without the parent, or maybe they can't even manage the loo themselves. I don't think you NEED to say yes (it's your home and your event, you can say no to anyone for any reason or none), but the reasons you've given are not really reasons, they're petty excuses to exclude a child, and possibly your child's friend too.

I see your point. I’ve been out of the young children loop for years. But my son, who has 2 DC aged 5 and 3 says the invitations to play centre/Whacky Warehouse type parties are relentless. Recently it was every weekend for 6 weeks.

Advice is that 3 is too young for bouncy castles anyway. Age/size difference is one of the biggest causes of injury on them.

Particularly when some are really young as their balance is terrible on them. That's why the recommended youngest age is usually 5

Scoff all you want. I'm talking from facts not making shit up

That was my only concern. If the 5 year old DC was a taller child, it could make the bouncy castle very unsafe. You have to be really careful with 3 year olds on a bouncy castle.

I said no to a sibling attending a party when I booked at a venue with limited availability. The other Mum was rude and sent a nasty message in response to my polite no (which explained it was ticketed and limited by the venue not me), yet still turned up with her daughter and let me know how inconvenient it was. It took her 3 years to be pleasant to me again.

As a single parent with more than one child it's pretty annoying when you get an invite which you're expected to stay at the party for rather than drop and go and then not be able to bring a sibling. At age 3 I wouldn't bring comfortable leaving my child at a party with someone I barely know so it doesn't give many options does it

If youre feeling stressed about this you're probably not a natural host. It feels a bit mean not to allow to allow a 5 year old sibling at your house. It's not as if you have to contact a venue and negotiate extra numbers. Attending a 3 year olds party isn't most parents idea of fun either by the way. So maybe offer them a tea or coffee or glass of water.

I totally get the issue if you're a single parent with no-one to look after your 5 yo which would make your 3 yo unable to go but I'm still in camp say no.
For the party host, maybe they need to keep numbers low. Perhaps 'just another sausage roll' will tip over the budget. Maybe the 3 yo birthday girl doesn't get on with older children or gets anxious with children they don't know. Perhaps saying yes to one sibling could set a precedent for more to request to attend. Maybe a 5 yo jumping around the bouncy castle will means it's not as safe for the 3 yos.
I still think (and I don't care what anyone else says or calls me mean or unkind or whatever - because I know I'm not) that it's totally up to you to invite who you want to a party and if you don't want extra siblings, then that's fine.
Are we not allowed to make our own choices about things anymore just in case someone gets upset or a child doesn't get to go to a party.

I would say yes to this, especially as its a party at home. If it were a booked venue (eg soft play) with a limit on numbers it might be different. But, as someone who has 3 children I sometimes struggle with childcare. DTs get invited to everything together but I was SO grateful when a nursery mum said ‘feel free to all come to the party’ (a garden party at their house). She might be a single parent or for whatever reason have no one to look after the other child. She might be brash and forward, but she could also be a struggling mum who would appreciate support (me this week).

I'd say yes, in fact I have done when my children were little. I often asked the siblings anyway .

You've two choices in life - Be kind, or be mean. It's up to you how you want to come across. The 5yr old will be there for a few hours and then the day will be done with, all forgotten, never mentioned again. This is what happens at kids parties. It's not a novelty. Just give the Mum a break - We should all be supporting one another, instead of being a nest of anal vipers.

Let them come, it's no big deal.

Say No. It's not just an extra child it's a much older child, probably physically bigger, who could intimidate, even pick on one of the younger ones. Or she may feel awkward playing with the three year olds, who are just over half her age.

I think it’s cheeky, I’ve had similar recently as my DD is also three soon and we are having a party but it’s at a play centre where I have a maximum number of children I can invite for the price and one of the parents replied and said ‘yes we’d love to, I’ll have his sister with me too- hope that’s ok’ errrr actually it’s not! I just said no 🫣 his sister isn’t my DD’s friend and I want her actual friends there!

OP is holding a party for 3 year olds with a bouncy castle, why don't you give her your sage advice.

It’s one extra child who is only two years older! IMO you’re worrying about nothing about if would seen mean to say no.

I think you're being precious about the party and saying no was a mistake.

The parent will be there to look after the two children after all.

Bonkers comments on here! It's one extra child and it's in your garden, of course she should come. The size difference is a non-issue. At three, my son was the size of a five year old anyway.

At worse it's a choice between an awkward couple of hours with an extra five year old, or making an enemy of another mum at nursery with potentially years of hassle.

Always consider which long term outcome is better, and it almost always aligns with being kind rather than being petty

This isn't the reason the OP has in mind, but I suspect it will be awkward because this mother will arrive with her 3yo, having called in all sorts of favours to get someone to look after her 5yo, and will find that everyone else with older and younger siblings has rocked up to the party with siblings in tow. My guess is this woman will realise she was the only one with the manners to ask upfront about bringing a sibling.

I would say yes. It's one other child (that you know about, that the parent has actually had the decency and manners to ask beforehand), it's on your garden so no extra charge to anyone, and the child's parent will be staying.

Goodness life is just too short for this nonsense, let the child come, thank mum for checking beforehand, and all have a nice day.

I think YABU to say no. I have 2 DS and this has happened at every single party we have ever thrown and its not only been accepted but expected. I recently threw ds2 his 5th birthday party and we had his friends and some siblings all ranging in age from 4-11. They all played on the bouncy castle with no issues. This will become more and more common as your little one goes to primary school so if this is something you find cheeky, I'd avoid throwing your DC another party. Ever.

Yes it's unreasonable. I wouldn't refuse a request for siblings because I understand that people don't always have a fallback childcare solution.

It seems petty and uptight to be honest. Surely, it's the more the merrier at a kids party. Is it not likely some younger siblings will turn up anyway?

It would be a no from me. Parents know that siblings aren’t invited and she is being a CF. Say so sorry I can’t accommodate one more especially out of age range, not safe for the bouncy castle etc.

The OP said the other child was almost 5, so that makes her still 4. And the other guests are 3. Those maths aren't mathing...

You should have put this on the invite so people could decline without explanation to save all of this. I’ve never been to a kids party in their home but there were times I had to take my younger one along too as their Dad’s rota wasn’t done when agreeing to attend the party. It’s your house, I’m not saying you’re in the wrong, it’s your home and you know what space you have, it just would have saved having this conversation.