To say no when asked if sibling can come to party?

[PurplePetalPip]

Hosting DS's 3rd birthday party at the weekend. It's the first birthday we've invited a few nursery friends to. I'm completely bonkers and decided to do it in our garden as thought the weather would be nice enough for a bouncy castle etc.

All in all there are 10 children coming. All around 3. One of the mums has just messaged asking if their son's sister can come too as she has no one to watch her. Sister is nearly 5 I believe.

If we were in a hall I'd probably agree but AIBU to say no in this case? I'm already stressing over having ten 3 year olds running around the garden. There will be additional adults there in grandparents and aunty and realistically one extra child won't take up much room but I just feel like it's cheeky and changes the dynamics. They were very late in responding to the invite - only knew they were coming 2 weeks ago and no mention of additional child then.

If I say sorry, due to space we can't accommodate, I won't really mind if she says the boy can't come then. The issue would be if it's awkward she miraculously finds childcare and comes along!

@LewishamMumNow so party food and party bags are free now are they? Of course they cost money!

It won't be though. Most people are decent.

I've practically spent more time at children's parties than I have in my own home the past couple of years, I've never known an avalanche of siblings.

@PurplePetalPip I'm not clear whether you are expecting parents to stay with their children or dropping them and running?

I would expect parents of 3 year olds to stay with them, so that's a different situation than parents dropping them off. If they have asked because they can't get childcare for the older child, that suggests to me that they were intending on staying?

It's a no from me. They aren't invited. They are not the same age. The host will be catering for the number she invited including party bags if doing them. I simply don't understand why people have an expectation that siblings can in effect gate crash.

It's a kids party with a few sandwiches,sausage rolls , crisps and cake. Hardly catering a sit down meal.

I always over cater anyway. So I'd be glad it all got eaten.

I'm just shocked a RSVP for a child's party two weeks out is considered late?! Really?

It's not late. People can't always plan things weeks in advance.

I know. Two weeks out from our birthday parties I've sent invitations, booked a venue/bouncy castle and maybe ordered a cake. Zero thought will have gone into catering or party bags at that stage.

She looked very sheepish and embarrassed...quite rightly. I didn't bother with her much after that. Looking back I wish I'd invoiced her for the £32! No good deed goes unpunished!

Also, (beyond a partner) you can only use your childcare options so many times before it becomes cheeky asking. I’m quite certain someone with a limited support network would prefer not to waste childcare time on the privilege of going to a 3 year olds party whose mum wasn’t even decent enough to let them bring their supervised 5 year old 🤦‍♀️. Honestly I wonder why so many parents struggle to raise kids these days and then I see shit posts like this. It takes a village - glad I don’t live in a lot of yours!

(And for the record I have a full support network - dh plus in laws, parents and sisters within a 5 mile radius and I still think this is shitty and petty)

Eh?

This seems mad. I would always invite siblings unless it was paid for per person like laser tag or something. As a single mum my two go to all hall or house type parties together and no one has ever said no.

If you are expecting parents to stay at the parent then it's probably the parent just trying to work out to the logistics so that her 3 year old doesn't miss the party. You don't have to necessarily give the 5 yr old a party bag etc, but she could enjoy being involved as a helper.

And I wouldn't say 2 weeks out is late rsvp.

I guess it's just how you expect people to behave and what their intentions are but this sounds a fair enough question for the parent to ask.

As it is a party at home I'd be inclined to say it was fine. If it was at softplay or somewhere where you have to pay per head I'd likely say no.

Hence why I said it is a no from me
You can do you. And if everyone bought a sibling it's double the number.

When I did parties at that age I did up little lunch boxes for the correct number of kids with their food in them so there wasn't waste. I also did nice party bags so I wouldn't be forking out another fiver per sibling.

As I said you do you. If you are happy to include extras then do it but don't be a CF and ask others to.

Asking someone if it's okay to bring a sibling does not make someone a CF. Now I know MN is obsessed with CF. But it's about as dull as the 'No is a complete sentence' bollocks that people spout on here. I'm very happy to 'do me' and help out a mum who is struggling to find child care.

In this scenario I’m an automatic yes to the extra 5 year old.

TBH, I’d rather host a birthday party at home of 9 invited 3-year-olds who all brought 1 parent + 1 sibling than the same party with no extra siblings but with 2 parents per invited preschooler. Generalising wildly but the dads usually just ate the food, drank and shouted when stuff went wrong while the mums parented and tried to help. Fewer grown-ups more children was much better!

To you it doesn't to me it does! If you are not you invited you don't to get ask if you can come or add people. I suppose you are one of those who add their kids to a wedding RSVP too even when they weren't invited.

If it was soft play she could just pay the sibling in without even mentioning it to OP. If you're going to have a party for 3yos in your house or a hall (or anywhere that isn't open to the public), someone will need to bring a sibling because not every family has two parents available on a Saturday afternoon or grandparent help.

RSVPing two weeks before an event is late?? When did you send out the invites, 2020?

@Spirallingdownwards you certainly are spiralling. 😂😂1 or 2 slices of pizza for a 5 year old doesn't cost the same as hosting a wedding guest. Unless your weddings are the same as a 3 year olds birthday party and in that case as you were......

Read my other comments. You do you.I always did individualised party food boxes so no I am not catering for random uninvited siblings nor am I handing them party bags as I bought for invited guests only.

Not invited don't gatecrash. Up to you what you do.

I'm not even that social but I think it's a nice example to set to your kids...more the merrier...be inclusive and kind..include everyone if the incremental cost is minimal. You never know, the family could be future friends of yours and return a favour at some point. It's tough parenting so let's help each other out a bit.

Plus little ones quite often like having an older kid to follow and copy ... especially when it might be a bit tricky for them to get the instructions to games etc.

Yeah, I choose to be kind and help other parents out.

I would be mortified if another parent was scared to ask me for help because they thought I would judge them to be a cf!