Excluded from family holiday

[notanothernamechange24]

Name changed in case this is identifying

3 adult siblings.
1 single with low paid job, no degree due to ADHD and some mental health issues in late teens.
2 Married, both on high incomes.
3 making career out of being in education, has low income but in a relationship and therefore splits costs with partner.

No children yet.

Siblings 2 and 3 and 1 parent along with siblings partners have booked a holiday together next year. Parent is paying for sibling 3 and their partner to go.

Sibling 1 not invited. Not told about it until it was booked and was told by parent that they should be ok with it. No option for them to join.

Sibling 1 not had a holiday for over 13 years. Offered some money instead of which 50% they can use for a holiday the other 50% parent wants to keep as 'savings' in case they need it in years to come.

Narrative about sibling 1 is that they are bad with money. In reality they live hand to mouth and do their best but money only goes so far.

Relationship between siblings 1 & 2 is strained but not due to lack of effort on siblings 1 part.

It's probably obvious which sibling I am.

Aibu to be really hurt? What would you do if you were sibling 1? Walk away? Say nothing and just accept it? Make it known im not happy with it and potentially cause a huge row?

Rude. 😛

It's a fair question tho! I'd rather wipe with a cactus 🌵 than invite my brother on a holiday with me ( love him btw enjoy lunch together ) but no way with a pay good money to holiday with him because he's a nuisance

But we don’t know op is a nuisance. There’s lots of reasons people don’t want people present. There is another thread where the op is trying to exclude her nephew from a trip and many posters suspect it’s about jealousy that her DB is getting it paid for as well as that the parents wont just come with her Dc as the sole attraction. Families have complicated dynamics.

@Calliopespa excluding a nephew is very different from excluding your own child.

My first language isn't English btw but I'd say I'd they was delighted by op's company they wouid invite her if not there was a nuisance incident/incompatibility issue/ that they found to be problematic/a nuisance

There can be issues like resentment, guilt, jealousy that are all complicated in families.

Resentment can grow from nuisance situations lol regardless of all this if somebody didn't want me on their holiday I'd switch to radio silence and I'd decline the guilt money!

I’d definitely take it😀

I'd text her to keep her money and enjoy her big family holiday. Then I'd block her and siblings and ghost them. I wouldn't speak to them again.

I appreciate that's an extreme response though. I totally understand why you would be hurt OP. Its not about the money or the holiday. It's about being excluded and unwanted.

But they can throw the whole BUT I paid for a holiday for you at her fuck your money says you've really hurt me.

Yeah I wouid say bury that money where the sun 🌞 don't shine!

Yes I can see that. On balance I think they are at ease with themselves just for offering it though.

Family dynamics are complicated. I can see why you’re hurt. That said, would you even want to go on holiday with them? It sounds like a bloody punishment!
I think parent was trying to be fair by offering you money. It is really unfortunate that it doesn’t cover a holiday as you don’t get paid leave. I would absolutely take the money and use it for whatever benefits you the most.

Clashing siblings create a nuisance. While I don’t see that the OP is a nuisance or a problem, if the dynamics between her and 1 sibling are off, it is going to create a difficult environment. I cannot imagine the OP would enjoy a holiday.
That said, if I was the parent, I just wouldn’t holiday with 2 of my 3 children. I’d maybe take 1 at a time and just try not to highlight the fact that the dynamics don’t work as a whole family. Even if a child is a “problem”, I wouldn’t want them to feel like it.

Yes even a situation can be a nuisance it's a versatile word 😂

I'd say hoooooow dare you offer me £500 for a few donkey 🫏 rides in Blackpool stick it darling and then I'd give them a cheeky little block 🚫 lol

It’s a great word, one I don’t often use but I really should! It’s not too negative. It sums up the OP’s description and I do really feel for her because you can find yourself in a nuisance of a situation without being a nuisance yourself.

Most definitely! Even finding ya keys can be a nuisance 😂

Are you the oldest child?

I’ve got an older sibling with ASD and ADHD, and as much as I love them, I couldn’t ever ever go on holiday with them, because they’re always so volatile. Every time they go anywhere, they come back and have a moan about something going wrong and that it’s everyone’s else fault. If I said maybe it might be them, I think they’d write me an essay on how I’m in the wrong, pick out all my flaws and become resentful.

My parents go on holiday with them, but they have never invited me. I’d suspect they have ASD/ADHD too.

If I’m totally honest, I’m fine with that. No problems at all. I had too many things ruined/spoiled growing up because of meltdowns.

I would say I have ADHD so I do get some things - but I am also very laidback and like to just have a peaceful time if I’m going away. I’ve always been independent.

I’d take the money and run, but this isn’t about the money, it’s about the rejection. However, I would work on maybe ways of managing your finances better - put this energy into finding a career or a job that you’ll be fulfilled and find money, then you’ll be able to go on holidays. It is doable to have ADHD and learn to be good with money.

Yes I agree.

I'm so confused. Theyve offered you £500 for a holiday on your own?

Well they don't necessarily have to go on their own?

The Op is also getting £500 in savings so a grand in total. And they don't have to put up with an annoying sibling who the rest of the family indulge.

OP. I think you are getting a very hard time and being picked apart on this thread.

You have the right to feel how you feel about this exclusion and clumsy offering. We can all argue whether the fam were in the right or the OP, but at the end of the day it doesn't change how you feel as a result of this very badly managed situation.

As a pp said. It is about rejection, for whatever reason and however it is dressed up and compensated for.

Take the money, use it for your business or go on a lovely weekend somewhere else instead and let the whole lot of them get on with it, whilst you focus on being very kind to yourself.

If your parents and siblings knew that you didn't have to money to join them then it could be perceived to be pretty insensitive to invite you to something that they know you can't attend.

So just booking the holiday and excluding the OP is more sensitive than a discussion about the holiday beforehand with her?

Sometimes I feel posters on this site have very different social behaviour and expectations to me!

This whole thread is such typical MN BS! People pretending that they would not be remotely upset about their parents inviting every other sibling on holiday and not them. And then falling over themselves to blame the OP for being a nuisance and difficult to be around, based on minimal evidence.

If a parent had written that they wanted to invite two of their adult children on holiday but not the third, I can only imagine the responses!