To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

[SelkieSeal]

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

Massive well done!

my autistic daughter sat her GCSE latin this year-in year 9-and did it with an online tutor. She got a grade 6. So proud of her.

The Latin result is good but not unknown. A distinction in Greek is amazing!

(2nd rate classicist here.)

So uplifting to hear positive stories amongst the doom and gloom. That is absolutely fantastic. I hope that all goes well for him and you in the future.

My granddaughter is autistic and struggled with mainstream school, missing days because she would completely shut down. Daughter moved her to an online school but because of the lack of suitable SEN she is moving her again this year to an online school that specialises in SEN and neurodiverse children. She is very clever but struggles to concentrate. We’re hoping this new school will be the making of her.
Well done to your DS, you must be very proud. It’s a struggle for them and for the parents. You worry about what is in store for them in the future.

You’ve made me cry for you and your son. What an awesome mum you are and huge congratulations to your son. Your joy is well deserved.

You brag away OP. Such an achievement for any DC but more so for yours and others who struggle. I've always said with love and devotion a DC can fly as high as they wish. Congrats to your DS 👌

Brag away OP ❤️

What an amazing achievement! Credit to both of you and congratulations- you have every right to be proud. Happy to hear such an inspirational story ❤️

Congrats to your son and you are wonderful mum

What a superstar. Be proud, shout it to the roof tops and beyond, absolutely amazing.

WELL DONE TO YOU FOR GETTING HIM THERE 😍

If I were your friend I would be happy for you both

As a parent of a non-verbal autistic son with learning disabilities, I am still happy for you both.

Not all autistic people are the same, as you well know. However, as long as they are supported, loved and happy that is what is important.

If there's ever a time to post on Facebook this is it! Congratulations to your DS and to you. Your fight to give him the support and care he needs has given him the platform to shine. Never underestimate that!

That's wonderful ! 🎉

Well done in getting him the help he needed, how he needed and when he needed it ! 💐

It's so worth the effort when you fight for your childs right to an education when they aren't neurotypical and just can't fit in the narrow sphere of what 'normal' primary/secondary schools can offer.

My beautiful DD is just graduating this year in her BA Hons in a very 'niche' subject, and I couldn't be prouder 💝and I know you'll be doing the same in a few years time xx

Well done and congratulations to both of you XXOOXX

What an amazing story. So much love to both of you. You are quite rightly so very proud of your Son. Fantastic!

This is so amazing and just shows how crappy children with ASD find the education system.

I say that as a teacher who is sick of kids having to chose my subject just because it's on an arbitrary list.

I also have an autistic child.

This.

You are an amazing mummy and an amazing support and fine example of a loving caring person. What a lucky boy he is to have such a lovely mother and he sounds amazing! I’m so sorry for what he’s been through and what you’ve been through, but it sounds with the right support, he will thrive in life and you are clearly the one to give that support. I really commend you because I have a daughter with autism and ADHD which was only recently diagnosed (she’s almost 30 and actually I was diagnosed with ADHD myself just 18 months ago) because I didn’t know and her behaviour was shocking growing up I didn’t know how to handle her and in fact I still don’t. It has caused a huge rift between us and we are at the moment NC which saddens me hugely and I’m ashamed to say that I’m frightened of her so when I read a post like yours, not only am I more ashamed of my own behaviour and the way I’ve dealt with my own daughter but it makes me hugely impressed by people’s resilience. Well done for being such a guiding light for him , I hope he does well in the next phase of his academic career.

Blimey when a special school is needed for children who have been traumatised by the current education system you realise just how bad the system has become !!

Well done @SelkieSeal for fighting for your son, congrats for his huge achievement but please give yourself credit too, you’ve done amazingly with a very traumatic and difficult set of circumstances !

What an achievement! You both should be very proud of yourselves. No one knows what's it like to have an autistic child unless you have one. Enjoy your tears!

Well done to him and it’s your determination to help him has paid off ! X

Amazing! So pleased for you & your Son. Go on FB & Brag away you both deserve your efforts to be recognised.

Oh that is truly amazing.
I can feel your total joy and I am over the moon for you.
our DD is ND and trying to secure the right support and schooling over the years has been incredibly stressful to say the least.
WELL DONE you for never giving up and well done to your DS ❤️

I feel so sad for you. Please don’t beat yourself up for struggling to know how best to deal with your daughter growing up.
Having ADHD and Autism would have been incredibly challenging behaviour for you to have to deal with.
Ive had to educate myself in trying to understand these behaviours and I have fought tooth and nail thru the years for my DD. Her frustrations and meltdowns at times have been horrendous and yes, she has physically hurt me too (and I have the patience of a Saint.)
There are many, many parents in your situation.
The support systems are very difficult to navigate, even when you actually have a diagnosis (securing a place on a waiting list for a formal diagnosis in itself is like climbing 10 mountains).
Given that you too have ADHD, chances are that you were ill equipped to plan, research, focus, stay determined and fight the systems for the much needed diagnosis’ and appropriate support.
I really hope that with time and patience, you are able to reconnect with your daughter.
Best wishes to you and your family for the future.

One of the many with a tear in my eye. Such a lovely post, well done to your DS for his results, and to you for being the very best parent for your wonderful DS.