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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
Babiesandtea · 22/08/2024 09:53

Oh OP this is amazing !!!! Well done to your Ds!

a few years ago my dd (ASD and ADHD) only managed to do 2 GCSE’s (both English) and got level 9 in both I remember the feeling well I was over the moon !

Onesundaymorning · 22/08/2024 09:54

Congratulations. That's wonderful and a real cause for celebration.

KerryBlues · 22/08/2024 09:54

Marvellous 😊

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:54

Americano75 · 22/08/2024 09:50

Get on Facebook and brag like fuck! I'm so happy for you and him, I'm tearing up.

I don't want to because I've got so many friends who have DC really struggling, I know they'd be happy for DS but I also know it would sting a bit for some of them.

OP posts:
DelphiniumBlue · 22/08/2024 09:54

Well done him! And you!

undecidedfatty · 22/08/2024 09:55

Excellent OP, a true bloody triumph!! A win for your child is a win for all of our quirky kids.

Mandarinaduck · 22/08/2024 09:55

what a wonderful post, brought a tear to my eye! Congratulations to your DS and to you! What an achievement and what validation for the support and approach he’s been given by both you and the school.

Dweetfidilove · 22/08/2024 09:55

Amazing results! Well done to him 👏🏾

Rebootnecessary · 22/08/2024 09:55

That's so brilliant. I love a proud parent post - I really do, particularly when it shows perseverance over adversity. Well done both of you.

ToBeDetermined · 22/08/2024 09:56

He just got his results and he's got A in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models..*

So lovely! He has a future as a classicist or ancient historian or archaeologist then :) fantastic. You have been such a support for him. They need people fluent in these ancient languages really badly!

StellaSmile · 22/08/2024 09:56

This is fabulous!

merryandbrightdelight · 22/08/2024 09:56

Oh my goodness that is incredible! A huge well done to him! You have every single reason to be proud and to shout it from the rooftops

ItsZa · 22/08/2024 09:56

What a lovely thread.

Threewheeler1 · 22/08/2024 09:56

💪✌👑
Amazing results OP!
What a wonderful thing to read 🤗

Teenagequeenwithaloadedgun · 22/08/2024 09:57

Sounds like he has a real talent for languages, well done to your DS!

And well done to you for persevering through difficult circumstances and getting him the support he needs to thrive.

SnakesandKnives · 22/08/2024 09:59

Fantastic and well done him! And special congratulations to you for not only navigating the entire SEN education minefield but actually managing to sort it out to this degree. Absolutely Brilliant!

Oncewornballgown · 22/08/2024 09:59

Congratulations to your son on his first exam successes! Huge well done to you too for being the best possible advocate for him. The school sounds amazing!

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:59

EliflurtleAndTheInfiniteMadness · 22/08/2024 09:52

Well done to you both for persisting, that's a hard fought victory. Thank you for sharing, it's always lovely to see stories like these. What a wonderful outcome. I don't know what your resources are monetarily or energy wise but you deserve to celebrate this in some way, it's your victory too.

I have basically no resources. I couldn't afford legal representation, I spent every penny of the tiny savings we had on taking DS for private assessments, I had to cut down work to the bare minimum when he was out of school (fortunately I'm self employed so I managed to keep my business just about ticking over by working very strange hours!). I do however have a laser like hyperfocus when it involves the wellbeing of my DC.

I've since done the IPSEA SEND legal training and spend a lot of my spare time advising other parents (informally and for free, I don't have the time to commit to volunteering for IPSEA yet but I hope to in future).

OP posts:
EHCPerhaps · 22/08/2024 10:00

Delighted for your son! And you! And this place he goes to sounds so wonderful OP. Can I ask how you found out about this trauma informed place of education nearby and which offers more than the core GCSEs? I can’t find any national list of such things. Thank you so much I would really appreciate any advice on this (please PM if not comfortable)

Putthekettleon73 · 22/08/2024 10:00

Wow!!!!! Mother of autistic son here. So much shared history (emotional regulation so hard for my boy, he's so bright, lack of support in mainstream school etc).

So reading your post is just wonderful. Well done you for knowing your son allowing him the chance to fulfil his potential ❤️❤️

Stanleycupsarecool · 22/08/2024 10:02

Well done to both of you!

42isthemeaning · 22/08/2024 10:03

@SelkieSeal massive congratulations to your ds! As a teacher and mum of 2 autistic teen dc, (one who has just got into uni and has actually decided to give it a go!) I totally get it. 😊

Itssamemario · 22/08/2024 10:04

Absolutely massive congratulations to your son. You must be unbelievably proud 👏

Calamitousness · 22/08/2024 10:05

congratulations to your son. Well done on supporting him so brilliantly.

Turophilic · 22/08/2024 10:05

Celebrate your son's achievement to the full, and be as sappy and overemotional as you like!

Some of these victories seem completely out of reach as we battle to get our children what they need and what will nourish them - rather than crush them.

Grab that victory and sing your heart out from that crazy mixture of elation and relief.