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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
Arthur2shedsJackson · 23/08/2024 19:33

You are so NOT a wanker!
you are a wonderful, powerful and brilliant woman and I can find no words to describe you as a mother.
I have rarely been so affected as when I read your post. Your son sounds amazing and I truly hope that one day he will really understand the support he has had from you. Sending you both the most encompassing of virtual hugs.

comfyslippets · 23/08/2024 19:35

Oh my word, my DD has an ECHP and learning doesn't come easy to her.
I'm crying with you too ❤️
How proud you must be. Congratulations to him, and you for being such a lovely mum

SnickoryDickoryDock · 23/08/2024 19:42

Ah well done, I've got tears in my eyes. Congratulations to you and your son, you should rightfully be very proud 👏.

ColinMyWifeBridgerton · 23/08/2024 19:43

Wow how phenomenal!!! You must be so proud. OP, this is your achievement too. You made it possible by not giving up on your son and keep fighting for his education by building him up. Well done to you both, big round of applause.

Scentedjasmin · 23/08/2024 19:47

I actually think that you are being quite unreasonable not to brag away on FB. You should be telling everyone you've ever known imo. I don't even know your son, but i feel emotional and proud of him. What a star and well done also to you, for getting an A* in parenting!

hareagain · 23/08/2024 20:01

Absolutely bloody brilliant! Congrats to your son and a great big blooming hug for you in recognition of of all your hard work and unwavering support for him through the times when everyone else thought you were crazy for trying to fight everything that stood in your way.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 20:01

I don't know why everyone is crying over this, seems an extreme reaction, but congrats to him :)

Conflicted2023 · 23/08/2024 20:04

Congratulations to you and DS. You both sound wonderful and he’s very lucky to have you x

Getonwitit · 23/08/2024 20:10

Just done a happy dance for you both, Congratulations x

Starlightstarbright3 · 23/08/2024 20:11

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 20:01

I don't know why everyone is crying over this, seems an extreme reaction, but congrats to him :)

Probably people who truly understand the fight and battles for a child almost written off by the school system to succeed is moving .

My ND child I rarely talk to others about because there kids are generally succeeding - mine is drowning most the time

WhatsitWiggle · 23/08/2024 20:11

That's fantastic! Well done to you for fighting to get your son the support he needed. Just shows that children do well when they can. He's had the right environment, the right support and been allowed to pursue his interests.

I wish him all the best in his next endeavours OP. May you continue to be proud x

Alimid · 23/08/2024 20:16

Absolutely fantastic news! Well done to your son, what an amazing achievement. Well done to you too for believing in him. Gives me hope for my nephew who starts his new specialist school in September

PuddingAunt · 23/08/2024 20:19

Well done him!
Fantastic classics!

laraitopbanana · 23/08/2024 20:25

How amazing and all thanks to you!!

he must be very proud 🌺

BiddyPop · 23/08/2024 20:29

Today, I had a similar morning as DD (ASD (Asperger's) and ADHD) got her Leaving Cert results this morning after a tough path through secondary and miserable mocks results - we knew she was working incredibly hard but also know she doesn't always listen to people telling her how to do it right and what is expected.

Today she has confirmed her place at Uni in a European city and started packing her bags to fly off on Tuesday next as that's the 2nd of 2 international student arrival days. (We had the accommodation tentatively booked and a flight, but were also looking at options to repeat the year).

You can do all the courses, have all the meetings, try your hardest to help them go the right way, but not know if any of it is making a difference. So it is sooooo rewarding when you see the efforts (their efforts - not yours as a parent) being rewarded.

Autumnismyfavouritetimeofyear · 23/08/2024 20:32

How lovely to see what schools can do if given a chance. Well done your DS.

Justontherightsideofnormal · 23/08/2024 20:37

Oh that's just fantastic! Congratulations, so pleased that you shared on here instead of your Facebook :)

SelkieSeal · 23/08/2024 20:37

Starlightstarbright3 · 23/08/2024 20:11

Probably people who truly understand the fight and battles for a child almost written off by the school system to succeed is moving .

My ND child I rarely talk to others about because there kids are generally succeeding - mine is drowning most the time

That was me once, honestly. I could hardly bear to have a conversation with even my close friends about their DC and the trivia of "normal" childhood when our experience was so far removed and so traumatic at the time - one memorable conversation was about someone's DD having two party invitations for the same day and they couldn't decide which to take her to. Meanwhile DS (aged about 8) had just been excluded from school for throwing a chair at a window and hitting a teacher with a metal bar, and hadn't been to a birthday party for 2 years. In fact in the 6 years since then he's only had one birthday party invite 😬

Oh, don't get me wrong, I did it. I smiled and took deep breaths and said all the right things. But I was faking it big time, and then I'd go home and literally howl.

So my heart goes out to you, it really does. I hope things turn a corner for your DC and you soon.

OP posts:
Proudofmynane · 23/08/2024 20:38

I'm nearly crying reading your post!! You deserve to be bursting with pride!! Not just for your brilliant DS, but for yourself too!! Your DS has the best Mum ever for never giving up, and taking on a whole flawed system to fight for him 🎖🎖🎖

SelkieSeal · 23/08/2024 20:38

BiddyPop · 23/08/2024 20:29

Today, I had a similar morning as DD (ASD (Asperger's) and ADHD) got her Leaving Cert results this morning after a tough path through secondary and miserable mocks results - we knew she was working incredibly hard but also know she doesn't always listen to people telling her how to do it right and what is expected.

Today she has confirmed her place at Uni in a European city and started packing her bags to fly off on Tuesday next as that's the 2nd of 2 international student arrival days. (We had the accommodation tentatively booked and a flight, but were also looking at options to repeat the year).

You can do all the courses, have all the meetings, try your hardest to help them go the right way, but not know if any of it is making a difference. So it is sooooo rewarding when you see the efforts (their efforts - not yours as a parent) being rewarded.

Amazing!

OP posts:
AdeptScroller · 23/08/2024 20:42

Congratulations! Well done to him and to you. What a fantastic achievement 💕💕

Shazam2 · 23/08/2024 20:59

You should be very proud and very happy who relative of mine has got to autistic children and she is struggling. He seems to be very bright encourage him as much as you can tell him how wonderful is.❤️

Katr673 · 23/08/2024 21:12

So lovely to hear something so positive, congratulations to you both.

SummerSwim · 23/08/2024 21:14

What a lovely thread I wish you and your DS all the best. It’s so hard when you’re forced to follow a different path when MS doesn’t fit your child. My DD is on a different path so reading these positive messages is a lovely reminder to keep following my instincts supporting her.

HeidInTheBaw · 23/08/2024 21:24

Congratulations to you both! You’re an amazing Mum and your son is an inspiration