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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To be in tears over my autistic DS's exam results?

450 replies

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

OP posts:
AllMyExesWearRolexes · 22/08/2024 14:24

BZ DS! Good effort, congratulations!

IAmFlyingThisPlane · 22/08/2024 14:35

Well done both of you!

Drfosters · 22/08/2024 14:35

Wow! I would defo be bragging if I were you! I always think exams are a team effort and you deserve to pat yourself on the back and take a bit of glory quite frankly!

eluned16 · 22/08/2024 14:36

Amazing! Well done!!

Threewheeler1 · 22/08/2024 14:51

I feel like there should be a Classics style 'Uplifting Threads' section we can access on MN as part of the topics.

Right now Selkie, this thread would be hard to top! 🤗x

whatwouldtheydo · 22/08/2024 14:59

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 09:42

DS is 14, he's autistic and hasn't been in full time school since 2018 when he was excluded from mainstream primary. At the time, I honestly thought he would never be able to go back to school, his trauma from lack of support and inappropriate restraint was so deep and the violent meltdowns he was having multiple times a day were terrifying. I genuinely believed he would end up in residential care at one point. The only school in the county that said they could meet his needs was 45 miles away, and even then they admitted that they couldn't offer him more than a basic academic curriculum or an appropriate peer group as most of their students had profound LD whereas DS is very bright.

I went to every workshop and training course I could find on SEN law, took DS for independent assessments of his needs to find out what was really going on and what he really needed in order to succeed, and got him an EHCP and then a funded place in a nearby independent specialist school (specialising in children with school related trauma).

He started off going to school for an hour a week in 2019, and half the time I ended up having to take him home early as he wasn't coping. Since then, he's very slowly built up to 3 full days a week last year and he will be doing 4 days from September when he starts Yr 10.

The school are very much led by the child's interests and so have started teaching DS Latin and Greek because he showed an interest in classics (I blame Percy Jackson 🤣). They suggested he sit the intermediate certificates in both languages this summer to give him some experience of exam conditions and to give us an idea of what special arrangements he would need for his GCSEs so we could get things in place. We made very little fuss over it and he took it in his stride (he was the only candidate so it was very chill).

He just got his results and he's got A* in both Latin papers (87% on one and 94% on the other) and a Distinction in the Greek. I'm crying, he's gone back to painting Warhammer models looking baffled by my level of emotion, there's nobody else around to share this with and I don't want to brag on FB like a wanker so I'm doing it anonymously here instead!!

Tell people. Let whoever you like know. It is a massive achievement you thought might never be possible. You're minimising it for you and for him. I can only give this advice as I have been doing therapy and this actually came up in today's session - my reluctance to share things like this in group chats etc. Its because I don't want to be perceived as showy so I minimise myself but in turn this minimises my child.

Well done to your little one. Autistic people have an aptitude for languages and I'm so glad he's shining with your help xx

PrettyParrot · 22/08/2024 15:50

Feeding into the autism and classics discussion, I've just remembered that my probably-autistic mother was a brilliant history teacher. Absolutely lived and breathed her subject, and the students knew it.

A possible career option, maybe? Or at least tutoring....

SelkieSeal · 22/08/2024 16:06

PrettyParrot · 22/08/2024 15:50

Feeding into the autism and classics discussion, I've just remembered that my probably-autistic mother was a brilliant history teacher. Absolutely lived and breathed her subject, and the students knew it.

A possible career option, maybe? Or at least tutoring....

DS has many skills, but patience with people who don't know as much as him about any given subject is not among them 🤣 So I suspect tutoring or indeed any kind of teaching is not going to be his career!

OP posts:
mrsjg · 22/08/2024 20:47

Fantastic and well done to you both 🎉

FranceIsWhereItsAt · 22/08/2024 20:53

You're not being unreasonable at all OP, you should be VERY, VERY proud! I must admit it brought a tear to my eye, just reading about it. Wonderful news!

Echobelly · 22/08/2024 20:54

That's brilliant and makes me so happy. He's so lucky to have you and people around him who have believed in him so much and let him follow his passions.

Tangerinenets · 22/08/2024 20:55

That’s amazing 🙂

way2serious · 22/08/2024 20:55

This is amazing! Well done to you both for being so incredible.

BCBird · 22/08/2024 21:03

What wonderful news.

Bluebellsanddaffodil · 22/08/2024 21:08

Well done to your son!

As someone whose daughter is much younger and has quite academic interests, but who shows signs of not being able to cope in mainstream long term, this gives me hope.

Junelove · 22/08/2024 21:22

Amazing, well done both of you. What an amazing Mum you are ❤️

strawberryblue · 22/08/2024 21:22

Oh wow how incredible!! That's amazing 🤩 well done to your son- and to you for supporting him and not giving up x

Sugargliderwombat · 22/08/2024 21:26

This made me tear up!

Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx · 22/08/2024 21:27

🥹 well done to your son 💞

ClemmyTine · 22/08/2024 21:39

Well done to you both.

Bananasplitz97 · 22/08/2024 21:42

How lovely. Thank you for sharing, made my night!

Lastandfirst · 22/08/2024 21:47

Awe that’s the best thing I’ve heard all day.
Huge congratulations to your son and well done you.

Amiable · 22/08/2024 22:26

Fabulous - well done to him!

Usernamqwerty · 22/08/2024 22:49

GCSEs in Latin and Greek? What a dude!! 😎

Member346563 · 23/08/2024 15:25

I think this is wonderful to hear, well done to your son and to you for never giving up. He’s clearly a bright lad and sounds like you’ve had some tough times. Why shouldn’t you share on fb, I bet you’d find people will be happy for you. It certainly put a smile on my face.