Parent didn't show up for play date

[Jennybeans401]

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

That’s awful. Your poor DD. I wouldn’t be arranging anything with them again

So rude not to let you know and to cancel due to a sniffle sounds way over the top.

Wow that's rude!

I hope you told her you were sitting at Pizza Express already!

The other parent had speaker phone and asked the child there do you feel well enough to go and they child didn't know. The parent started then saying well she doesn't know,maybe I can drop them round at your house later. I said we'd made plans later but just thought the whole thing was totally rude and strange.

She sound ls lame but I'd give her another chance and leave the ball in her court.
Id say that we already had pizza waiting for them so if she wants to plan something else then that's fine.
See what she says.

Don't host though!

I'm worried the same thing will happen.The mid way point between houses is around 30 minutes for us and I'd spent money on lunch by that point. If they suggested something I'd be a bit wary they'd follow through on it.

she sounds flaky.

I personally would expect very little from that parent. I’d only allow any play dates where they drop kid off to your house and to pick them up again.

I get the feeling the parent couldn't be bothered driving to drop their child off.They are quite harsh with them and shout a lot. We're not friends but the children are close.

I am annoyed the other parent didn't care so much that my dd was disappointed or that I'd been waiting for a long time in the restaurant.

Am I the only person who finds the American concept of a "playdate" so bizarre? DD is 8. That's old enough for her to go out on her bike and run around with friends in the streets.

It sounds a bit overcomplicated tbh. How come the houses are so far apart? Do they go to the same school or how do you know them?

Anyway in future I'd suggest simply dropping off/picking up at home. One parent drops off and the other picks up.

Unfortunately this is the kind of shit you have to manage carefully for the sake of DC. It's worth being a bit clever/tactical in "managing" the parents in order to get your DC the time with their friends. Good luck.

Yes. You are the only one. A playdate at 8 is totally normal. Not sure what you find “bizarre”‘about it.

Very rude. I might invite her daughter round - tell mum to drop off and pick up. I might not tell my child; to avoid disappointment if there was a repeat.
I had a mum turn up 50 minutes late for a play date - less than 5 minutes drive or a 15 minutes walk.... said she got chatting to the neighbour as they left their house. I wasnt happy and didnt invite them over again. (That was the final straw for me after constant lengthy lateness). Our kids were exact same ages and no issues in particular which put timing out of her hands. Forgetting and you had bought pizza - I'd find it hard to re-organise but would for daughter's sake.

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

They are unbelievably rude. If you agreed to meet at pizza express for lunch, and don’t cancel, they just take your time and commitment for granted and don’t give it the same value as their own time. Proven by their flaky response as to whether their child may or may not turn up after all. Not on.

as
to the person taking umbrage with paydayes: they’ve always existed as long as I care to remember and are different to a kid making off on a bike by themselves and finding their own entertainment in that it’s a planned get together for children, usually younger than 10, in situations that require parental planning, such as lunches, excursions, activities with fees etc. not the same as cycling round a parking lot with mates. These people were rude and chances are they treat everyone like this. Best avoided.

Extremely rude of her. If you feel like organising any more play dates (which I’d be reluctant to, but obviously that’s a shame for the children due a flaky mum), I’d say the mum can drop their child at yours to avoid waiting around/driving for no reason if the same were to happen again.

Yeah, the play date is cancelled

That’s quite obviously bollocks as agreements to take children that aren’t yours to things like zoos, amusement parks, play centres have existed forever. It’s not exactly new or American. It’s nothing to do with kids making off on their own and entertaining themselves with their mates 🙄

Honestly in your place I would absolutely be thinking it will happen again
I don't think I'd instigate it again honestly
And I'd have made it very clear that we were there waiting for her at pizza express

@Catsbreakfast That's not a playdate. That's just a day out. Parents are needed to take children to places like zoos, play centres, etc. Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing.

I wasn't roaming the streets at 8 years old.

I wouldn't give an 8 year old a mobile phone either.

Parents are not needed when it's a case of children simply playing

And yet, sometimes they are.

They are if the children don't live very close to each other. What 8 year old is making their own way to a friend's house that is an hour's drive away?

@DaniMontyRae You drive children for an hour to see a friend?

That's not really the point, is it?