Parent didn't show up for play date

[Jennybeans401]

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

Are you serious? To play on bikes and run around with friends on the streets? Is this the 1950s or something? My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight. I don’t really understand your point either. A play date is an arrangement for kids to go to each others houses or out with parents, it’s not American either, it’s a common expression. Plus your comments about letting kids loose on the street isn’t even relevant to the post

They are friends through a sports activity they do together and usually see each other a lot in term time.The girls are very close.Ive always hosted the playdates at our house and have never minded.Felt it was disrespectful for them to not notify me of the cancellation.i understand people get ill or just change their mind but I'd travelled and bought lunch.

Neither was I roaming the streets aged 8. I would call on my friend just down the road and vis versa then she’d be a my house or hers.

@Changingeveryday My child is 9 and I wouldn’t let them out of my sight.

And yet, when you were 9, you would have roamed your local area by yourself.

Not true for all of us.

Anyway this is really rude op.

This parent is inconsiderate and unkind, your poor daughter must have felt really let down and rejected. The excuses were poor and offhand, and I think my way of dealing with it would be to first take into consideration how close my child was to her child. If very close, you may have to bite your tongue and try to make the best of it, if not then I wouldn’t bother arranging any more play dates with them.

@Changingeveryday she did feel very upset about it.I took her to the park and tried to treat her afterwards but I am worried that it would happen again if I rearranged it.Id messaged several times with the other parent the evening before the playdate so really don't understand how they'd forget we were meeting up.Id bought lunch for dd friend as I usually do and had to take this back with us.

Why do you keep telling people what they did when they were 8 or 9?

You might have been roaming the streets at 8/9. I certainly wasn't, and nor were any of my friends.

It would be easier if the girls were older and you didn't have to go through the parents.The parents of this child seem to be unreliable.

Really rude. She could have given notice rather than standing you up. I definitely wouldn't want to rearrange

Its really rude in any culture.

Also to the arranging of playdates point. Certainly when I grew up 50 years ago all my friends were local and we all played as we wished. However in my children's generation their school was not a neighborhood one and they also made friends through hobbies and the arts. Those friends lived far enough away that arrangements had to be made for chances for playdates to take place. Its not some bizarre sick cultural oddity its just an outgrowth Of city design, school catchment, and children’s friendships.

@shuggles do you have kids?

I have three, and they’re not allowed to play in the front yard, much less bike around the streets unsupervised. It’s just not safe.

Did I bike around the streets as a kid? Well, sure, most gen-Xers did, but that was another time and we know better now. From your assumptions that today’s childhoods should be exactly the same as your own was, I suspect you’re not a parent. “Playdate” is just a shorthand term for getting kids together in a safe, supervised environment. Nothing wrong with it.

OP, I’d leave the ball in the other parent’s court, and also encourage friendships with kids closer to home.

WHO DOES THAT!? Inconsiderate wankers, that’s who.

Stay far away. Teach your daughter that that type of behavior from others, specially “friends,” is really abysmal, because it truly is.

Yes it was very inconsiderate.Ive looked after their child on many occasions and I feel like they take it for granted now.When the dcs see each other at their sports club I'm sure they will be friendly as usual but I'm not putting myself in a situation where I've travelled and paid for lunch for nothing again.

🙄

Play dates are a normal thing.

Also, we didn't live close to where our kids friends lived and there was no street outside to play on.

When I was a child, we had play dates. Some of my school friends lived a few miles away.

I did play out of the street, but that wasn't with same aged school friends.

The mum should have let you know earlier OP. I feel sorry for her child from what you've said about this mum. Also, for you and your child having made the effort and been left disappointed.

I am so sorry op. That’s not right. 💐💐💐

No, I 100% wasn’t roaming my local area at the age of 9. This individual who keeps commenting about children roaming the streets is incredibly odd and the posts are absolutely nothing to do with the topic raised. I can’t think of any parent that would allow their child to roam the streets at that age, in this day and age…..it would be incredibly irresponsible

Are you the only person who doesn’t realise that not all children live in a situation where going out on your bike and running around the streets isn’t an option for some children and arrangements must be made in other ways!?!

It is very unfortunate that a parent would have so little respect for your time and effort. How inconsiderate.

I feel sorry for the two girls in this. Your daughter must have been disappointed, and the other girl must be starting to get embarrassed at her mum's flakiness. I want to say to not make a big deal of it, because if this girl is a good friend to your daughter, it would be a shame to make things awkward just because of her mum.

It's thoughtless and inconsiderate of her. However, I try my best to be considerate and once completely forgot to go to a child's birthday party, even though we had the gift in the car. Just a busy day...something else ran over and the realisation didn't hit me until that evening (apologised profusely and took the gift round).

If the children do sport together, you must spend a lot of time hanging around with the parent. For your daughter's sake, I'd continue as normal but restrict playdates to those where you won't lose time and money if she does it again. Perhaps arrange for three girls to meet, so if she doesn't turn up, your daughter still has a friend to play with?

That's a good idea.

Good grief @shuggles stop derailing the thread. You seem like you could have an argument in an empty room!