Parent didn't show up for play date

[Jennybeans401]

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

Not everyone lives in places like this or is it difficult for you to imagine that?
We live in London, busy streets and no hanging around streets. At 8 too that's so irresponsible. We organise play dates and it is very much the done thing around here. We also have a parent at home who is responsible for the kids who come over, not just turfed out into the street to get up to whatever.

Yanbu op, that was extremely rude and I would have said that I bought the pizzas already and what should you do with them. Absolutely awful of them knowing the arrangements.

'Think back to when you were 8' 🙄

You can't comprehend that times have moved on ??

I wouldn't entertain such rudeness again.
It is unfortunate for your child but I do not agree with facilitating friendships at any cost.
The parent has blown it.
Let them see each other at the activity and increase other local friendships.
I wouldn't reply to any futher texts from such an ignorant person.

Are you being deliberately dim or what ? Many of us were not thrown out into the streets to do whatever we want. Our parents supervised us and any kids that came over

@Nightowl1234 you must be very young to believe that the term playdate is a recent American import. It really isn't and it's been in use for 40 years at least.
I remember being allowed out to play on my own when I was 8 years old but that was in the 1950s! Nowadays there is far too much traffic around and stranger danger is a real thing for parents of young children.

I'd discourage the friendship and not make any other arrangements with the mother again.

Agree with the above.Tbh the parent has a cheek.Don't give second chances,they'll walk all over you.

The name is odd obviously not the concept.

I agree! It wasn’t me that posted that ridiculous statement about it being a recent American import! I’m in my 40s and had play dates when I was a kid. And my parents certainly didn’t let me wander around the streets at 8 years old!

Er, maybe the fact that a car journey is involved is relevant? What should the OP do: wave her kids off two hours before the meeting and say “see you at lunch?” FFS…

Do people have limited imaginations that they can’t compute that people have different circumstances from their families?

Yes they do. (Have limited imaginations, I mean).

These posters berating the reality of the modern world and those of us who live in it.

FFS

FWIW I am 51 and from New Zealand. yes I knocked on the doors of neighbours to play out with children.... because we were all in a teeny tiny rural town and ALL our various parents would be able to supervise simply by looking out the window. (And they did. Within seconds of the creepy guy in the white van asking if we wanted sweets several mothers raced out of our front doors. ) It was not so innocent and bucolic even then.

Tt would be absolutely unheard of for us to go off for hours at the age of 8 on our bikes.

Dreadful behaviour not to let you know in advance.

The term 'play date' may be relatively new here, but the concept is as old as methuselah! Parents have always arranged times for their children to meet and play! Not everyone lives in areas where the children have safe spaces to play. I'm 60 and remember my mum arranging these things with other mums. 🙄

Well, I need to tell you that@shuggles isn't the only one, actually.
Not by any means. I can recall at least one thread about this phrase in the past.
I wouldn't make this a hill for me to die on, and I don't criticise people who do use the phrase, but it's not for me.
It just sounds so contrived, and making the occasion of kids playing together to be more formal-sounding and well, a bit "posh" than it needs to be!

@Cesarina

It just sounds so contrived, and making the occasion of kids playing together to be more formal-sounding and well, a bit "posh" than it needs to be!

It’s not the phrase… the phrase is a red herring

Its the fact some people are so limited they think everyone lives in exactly the same way they do. Like absolutely everyone in the UK lives in a suburban cul de sac.

The other parent doesn't seem to care much about their own child from your posts, so to expect them to care abut yours is overly hopeful!

They sound flaky and useless. I'd not put yourself out again. They can drop the child at your house if it's convenient for you, but don't inconvenience yourfel for such a timewaster.

Very, very rude of the other parent(s).

Playdate is not used in America where the kids live in suburban neighbourhoods and do exactly what you are talking about - go out and bike or play in the streets with friends.

But a lot of places in America are much more spread out than in the UK and friends are all a drive away. So parents very much needed to facilitate playdates or 'hang outs' as my teenager insists I call them now she's older. Her best friends are all a 25-30 minute drive away.

Sounds like OP needed to sort out travel and a specific 'playdate' for this friend otherwise would not have needed to meet at Pizza Express.

An alcoholic? Care to elaborate? This is a genuine question, BTW.

There is quite an epidemic of hidden middle class alcoholic mums. One of the signs is flakiness and weird behaviour like this. There’s a few in each primary school. Best to know to ensure they never drive your kid.

i wouldnt be inviting again, it was super rude

Rural childhood quite old going off on bikes 10 plus possibly not 8. In our day it was called “going to tea with” play date much snappier!

Why oh why would you buy lunch for someone who wasn't there and hadn't responded to any of your messages?

I’ll be honest it sounds like she forgot and panicked!!

Very rude parent not letting you know. No way I at 8 roamed the streets and as a mum of an 8 year old no way she does or any of her friends...we do playdates. I think I started being allowed out with friends at secondary age. From memory you can't judge car speeds till 10. Please correct me if wrong.