Parent didn't show up for play date

[Jennybeans401]

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

Very rude, but tbh it seems a lot of people are like that these days. Absolutely no thought for others and severely lacking in manners. Of course she should have let you know earlier.

Similar happened to me except with a younger child/toddler. I'd arranged to meet a NCT friend for lunch on my way home from a morning nursery session.

I was sat in the restaurant. Starving but waiting to order. Eventually a phone call saying she was just making lunch and had only just remembered. I felt so embarrassed. I ordered lunch then for me and DC because I was so hungry, but it was annoying as I wouldn't have spent that money alone otherwise - it was meant to be sociable.

I gave the mum one more chance by agreeing to meet for coffee a few weeks later. She was about 20 minutes late, so that was the nail in the coffin for me.

It's okay to stop making the effort. Presumably the kids see each other at school? That'll have to be enough for now. Sorry this happened to you, OP. It's so disheartening. Lean on your real friends.

So rude! I can’t believe how some people behave 😡

The child would still be sick for a while.
Learn from the experience and always double check any arrangements with this family.

😂

But the OP double check! They were messaging the night before.

Personally I'd only agree to meet up in future where you'll be anyway for whatever reason (the park, a joint playdate, etc). Don't make separate plans or she will let you down again.

The parent is extremely rude and inconsiderate. I would not be arranging anything with them again tbh.

@shuggles I dont know where you live that it is the norm for 8 year olds to roam unsupervised but firstly the OP's child is unlikely to have been unable to ride their bike to Pizza express if it was a 30 minute drive away and secondly if you were in my town an 8 year old out alone would trigger a social services referral.

um no… when I was 8 I definitely wasn’t doing this…

Honestly I'd assume that the mother had had a few glasses of wine during this series of positive exchanges last night and forgotten all about it in the morning. Subsequently dragged her daughter into this illness excuse.

Whatever really happened, it's rude and frustrating but at the end of the day, if it's an important friendship to your daughter you might just have to put up with the mother. Just mark her down as unreliable and make future plans with that understanding.

OP is just trying to describe in shorthand what the event was about. I remember being taken to see a friend who lived a distance away and my Mum came too.

I agree with you OP. The other Mum sounds thoughtless.

I think this friendship will fizzle out, due to the mother. How about inviting another (more local) friend over and having pizza and ice cream and loads of fun to make up for the disappointment. Your poor daughter, my son would be devastated if something like that got cancelled last minute. And poor you going all that way and having to console your daughter.

Things are different now. Considering the half way point is a 30 min drive the children can’t just meet up with each other anyway.

Dreadful behaviour from your dd friends mother OP & rude.

I wasn't roaming the streets at 8 or 9 but I was fortunate to have a play park right across from my house where loads of children from the same street would play together. It was lovely to have the freedom with my friends of running in and out of the house for drinks & snacks as I pleased. My children had a field in front of our then house and did the same with friends.They all knew not to venture from there and never did. I still checked on them regularly from the upstairs window.

Am I the only person who finds it bizarre that some people are unable to comprehend that people’s circumstances differ?

Just because it might have been safe for you or your children - even then I think age eight is way too young for playing out unsupervised - does not mean that it would be safe for the OP and her daughter.

Some parents live on a main road.
Some parents live in high rise flats.
Some parents live rurally and have no neighbours or pavements.
Some parents live next to a large building site with vehicles coming and going.
Some parents are working outside the home so can’t be around to keep the home unlocked and facilitate ‘playing out’.

Mobile phones? No help whatsoever in preventing a road accident or a group of children being befriended by someone unsuitable.

@Jennybeans401 I think, unless this mother suddenly makes a big effort your daughter might need to accept that this friend will just be someone she sees at the activity.

Very rude.
I'd decline future.
I'm sorry but dd was very upset last time, and I can't afford to be paying for pizzas for someone who doesn't turn up last minute, without even having the decency to let me know.

very lame of the other parent. Pizza Express isn’t cheap either.
Are the kids really good friends cos if not I wouldn’t be making the effort again.

Hi, sorry poppy isn’t feeling well, sounds unlikely sh will be well enough to meet up in the next few days and we’d rather not catch something just before term so prob best the girls catch up at first netball session. Hope she feels better soon.

just Let them meet at their activities for now. Either she is unwell in which case she can’t come later or parent is useless in which case don’t make yourself out of pocket gain!

You have to be firm with such people, especially given the easy ways to get in contact once you know you cannot make something.

No second chances whatsoever. People will only be unreliable if there are no consequences.

“Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes.”

em, nope - absolutely not. 🤔

Doesn’t anyone read the thread? So many people saying let them play out…. THEY LIVE AN HOUR AWAY BY CAR!! Op said the halfway point is 30 mins from home. How are 8 year olds supposed to catch up in the street 🤣

@shuggles - it’s absolute nonsense all children can just ‘knock’ for friends, it didn’t happen when I was young and it certainly doesn’t now. I think I may have knocked for the neighbours (one house had kids my age) and that’s it.
DCs came out of primary school asking if they could go back to X’s house but X may live 20 mins walk away over busy roads. And in holidays parents would text each other to arrange when DCs asked for play dates.
Obviously it changes in secondary, but my DCs never knocked even for their more local friends - they’d text first at least.

We, no, most people on here were not 8 in the 1950s…

Anyone allowing an 8 year old to roam the streets unsupervised now would be referred to social services.

Honestly I'd be so wary.of organising another play date again. She didn't care that you hed driven there (30mins away), waited 40 minutes, nor that you'd bought lunch! If she wants to.come, she can drop off and I'd.take her back.

Sou ds like the mum has been taking advantage and just couldn't be bothered to make this meet up. Mostly upsetting for both children. Try and do more with her friends that are closer, on a more regular basis. After school dinner etc. Even if that's one sided, the children's friendships will grow.