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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Parent didn't show up for play date

165 replies

Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 01:06

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

OP posts:
greenleaveseverywhere · 23/08/2024 20:13

So rude and inconsiderate. Poor you. This would really bother me as it feels really disrespectful.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 20:13

shuggles · 22/08/2024 01:45

Am I the only person who finds the American concept of a "playdate" so bizarre? DD is 8. That's old enough for her to go out on her bike and run around with friends in the streets.

lol that's a very privileged view, my mum couldn't afford a bike for me. I certainly wasn't allowed to run around the streets.

sunseaandsoundingoff · 23/08/2024 20:15

Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 01:16

The other parent had speaker phone and asked the child there do you feel well enough to go and they child didn't know. The parent started then saying well she doesn't know,maybe I can drop them round at your house later. I said we'd made plans later but just thought the whole thing was totally rude and strange.

so she wasn't well enough for lunch but was well enough that the parent thought they'd be fine a couple of hours later?

yeah definitely fake excuse. think you're right about the driving.

otravezempezamos · 23/08/2024 20:17

Drop the flaky shit like a hot brick. Your loor daughter! a sniffle??? Who on earth uses that as an excuse? A vomiting bug yeah but a sniffle no way.

Mil3nnial · 23/08/2024 20:17

That's rude and asking the child if she's well enough when you're already waiting and do they must have had to set off an hour before is massively rude. I wouldn't make plans again unless she is the one doing the running around or gets the pizzas next time.

Perpetuallydaisy · 23/08/2024 20:17

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:01

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

In London we didn't really go out alone like that until we were 11 or 12 and even then only if friends lived a safe, short walk away, not on public transport. Certainly not on bikes.

timetorefresh · 23/08/2024 20:22

When my DD was younger she had a friend where mum would regularly cancel last minute because the friend had been "naughty". Whenever the reason was explained it just sounded like normal behaviour for kids of that age. I stopped telling DD in advance in the end in case they dropped out

Melodysmum12 · 23/08/2024 20:24

Wow how rude!
Totally no excuse for this. Do not arrange again.

Jk987 · 23/08/2024 20:28

I can't believe you had to ask if you're being unreasonable! It's really baffling that she didn't even text you.

laraitopbanana · 23/08/2024 20:40

Don’t arrange anything else honestly…

I am feeling sorry for your little girl :(

Havinganamechange · 23/08/2024 21:46

Screw that, they have no respect for you or your time. I wouldn’t bother again.

Original poster
Jennybeans401 · 23/08/2024 22:47

Crunchymum · 23/08/2024 20:11

Why oh why would you buy lunch for someone who wasn't there and hadn't responded to any of your messages?

Show quote history

@Changingeveryday the parent had replied to my messages which made it even stranger!

OP posts:
PC7102 · 23/08/2024 23:06

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:01

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

I definitely wasn’t allowed out on my own at 8 years old and that was in the 90s. And I wouldn’t let an 8 year old wonder around with their friends either

Bellyblueboy · 23/08/2024 23:36

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:01

@Nightowl1234 "Playdate" is an American term that was imported to the UK recently, so it's not a normal here. Think back to when you were 8- you would have went out by yourself to visit friends and roam around the streets on your bikes. You weren't supervised constantly at 8. And nowadays, it's even safer to leave children by themselves because they can be given a mobile phone for emergencies, something we didn't have as children.

Clearly you grew up in a very urban area! What about children who live in rural areas? Of course 8ear olds were driven to friends houses thirty years ago! Of course kids had friends that lived a few miles away.

not every child had an identical childhood to yours! How silly

Firethehorse · 24/08/2024 09:01

I would not let this go but I wouldn’t rush to address it either. Next time you see the mum I would gently but firmly tell her you spent time and money fulfilling your side of the agreed meet up and you don’t want that to happen again. See how she responds but let this be a learning for your daughter too.
I would possibly try once more if she was suitably contrite.

PointsSouth · 24/08/2024 09:19

@timetodecide2345 · 22/08/2024 08:50
Over protective parenting illicit these issues. Why on earth create all these meeting points and structure it so heavily?

Er...because the people involved don't live next door?

Incidentally, you mean 'elicit'.

MellersSmellers · 24/08/2024 10:04

That is hugely rude and inconsiderate given you'd paid for lunch. I wouldn't want to arrange another play date - I'd be concerned about another letdown

Caramelcap · 25/08/2024 06:05

I have a friend like this. Always cancels resulting in my child being upset and when I finally said something I was apparently in the wrong. Some people have no respect for your time. Don’t make plans with them again.

Every1sanXpert · 25/08/2024 07:05

Next time just arrange it that u collect the child and do something and drop them back when suits u. If that fails then sack them off.

Bedroomdilemmas113 · 25/08/2024 07:16

shuggles · 22/08/2024 02:22

@DaniMontyRae You drive children for an hour to see a friend?

We do regularly.

DontBeADick11 · 25/08/2024 07:38

shuggles · 22/08/2024 01:45

Am I the only person who finds the American concept of a "playdate" so bizarre? DD is 8. That's old enough for her to go out on her bike and run around with friends in the streets.

Errr, no it isn’t

BrendaSmall · 25/08/2024 08:12

Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:30

They are friends through a sports activity they do together and usually see each other a lot in term time.The girls are very close.Ive always hosted the playdates at our house and have never minded.Felt it was disrespectful for them to not notify me of the cancellation.i understand people get ill or just change their mind but I'd travelled and bought lunch.

We don’t buy anything until everyone is there, purely for this reason, incase someone doesn’t turn up

TheBerry · 25/08/2024 08:43

Unless the parent had genuinely forgotten and was incredibly apologetic, then yes they are being so rude.

I don’t blame you for not wanting to arrange anything else!

Fmlgirl · 25/08/2024 08:50

I’m surprised at people saying to give them a second chance. That would be it for me. The mother has a total disregard for you and your daughter and I’m sorry this happened to your daughter.

Uptightmum · 25/08/2024 09:42

Jennybeans401 · 22/08/2024 02:37

@Changingeveryday she did feel very upset about it.I took her to the park and tried to treat her afterwards but I am worried that it would happen again if I rearranged it.Id messaged several times with the other parent the evening before the playdate so really don't understand how they'd forget we were meeting up.Id bought lunch for dd friend as I usually do and had to take this back with us.

i would probably be more casual about arranging plans with them in the future. Me and dd are going xyz if you would like to join us?

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