Parent didn't show up for play date

[Jennybeans401]

I'd arranged a playdate for dd2 (8) and I'd agreed with the parent to meet at Pizza Express (mid way point) and I'd pick up lunch and take dd's friend back to our house. I'd arranged this night before, several messages all exchanged which were positive.

On the day dd was excited and I bought pizzas and waited at the restaurant for nearly 40 minutes.Dd was getting worried.I text the parent to check all was OK as hadn't heard anything. Ten minutes later the parent rang me to say the child had a sniffle and they'd been making their lunch so forgot to let me know that the playdate was cancelled. They then started asking if we could have the playdate tomorrow or as soon as possible. I was reluctant to commit.

AIBU to think they could've let me know earlier? If they were making lunch surely they'd realise they should message? Dd2 was disappointed.

Nah. She's not the only one. You don't speak for all of us.

Beyond rude. You had to call her when they didn't show because the mum forgot and then casually chatted about getting together 'later today' or the next, while the child said they didn't know if they felt up to it. Unbelievable.

Not a chance that I would arrange another playdate or lunch or anything again. Next move has to come from her.

And step right back from all the childcare favours you're doing for her. Clearly she isn't grateful or appreciative of your time. The girls can hang at their sports club.

Very rude. I wouldn't arrange anything again except for her kid being dropped off to play at your house.

Sorry you’re so offended at words, Shuggles. No, an 8yr old can’t bike to a friend’s house an hour’s drive away.

Easy to say afterwards but for next time (with someone else, not this flaky parent) send a text in the morning ;" still good for pizza today?". What is really appalling is the mother's answer. Not "I am so sorry I forgot, I will make it up to you" but "ok for tmw?". That would be the last playdate with that family for me.

@shuggles do you think we’re still living in the 1950s? Do you even have young kids? These days most kids don’t just roam around on their bikes, no.

I agree that playdate is an imported american word (when I was young we would have just said ‘I’m going to X’s house or I’m going to play with X’) but the meaning is the same. I’m in my thirties and was certainly dropped off at other children’s houses by my parents at 8 years old.

Anyway OP, I would not be inviting this girl again in a hurry - her mum is very rude and flaky.

i wasn’t either. North London, oldest of three. There was no roving around the streets with my bike. When I was old enough to babysit I supervised the younger ones walking to and back from school. Until then no one went anywhere without an adult.

Not everyone lives in a cul de sac or a rural area. Some people (gasp) live in cities where it’s not safe to do this? Some women work and can’t be on hand to let their kids run riot outside.

I really dislike this trend of judgement towards parents for not being able to reproduce an ersatz 1970s childhood. Complete with the usual bellyaching about kids being “supervised” and “not being allowed to get bored”. Snore.

Your point is completely irrelevant to the OP’s post and is a pathetic sideways dig at someone who lives a different way to you.

The OP was trying to arrange something fun for her kid to do. Sue her.

I'm 50 and in the UK, we had playdates as kids and no, I wasn't roaming the streets either, nor were my friends

Your only acceptable response to that sort of message from the mother is

"Hi Flaky Mum, we were very disappointed that Amelia couldn't join us yesterday for pizza and a play date due to her sniffly nose. We waited for almost an hour before hearing back that you wouldn't be there. Unfortunately it will not be possible to reschedule the play date for another time at present as I'm significantly out of pocket due to the no show."

Where do you live that kids just 'play in the streets'? Play date is not a new phrase. It was in use when my kids were young in the 1980s!

She’s either weird and rude or an alcoholic so would steer well clear.

Around here it’s not remotely normal for 8 year olds to be out on the streets by themselves. And if they did, I’d be worried about them being preyed on. Park or house play dates only I’m afraid (London).

I sometimes think how long would they have left us sitting there at the restaurant had I not messaged to see what had happened!Would they eventually have realised? Dd is good friends with the other child but I don't want to deal with the other parent. Dd will see her friend at activities though and it will have to be enough

Over protective parenting illicit these issues. Why on earth create all these meeting points and structure it so heavily?

@timetodecide2345 I'm not sure how meeting someone half way is overprotective?

The other parent lives a long way from us so this has been the way we've organised playdates outside of their usual sport activity.

Of course that was really rude. Did you say 'oh why didn't you call - we've been sitting here waiting for 40 minutes'! If she suggests another time say 'well I don't know - will you definitely make it this time? We wasted a lot of time waiting for you and DD was very disappointed'. Don't pussy foot around it - let her know she did wrong!
There was a mum at our old school who did this sort of thing and it was her child that suffered as no one wanted to make plans with her after a while.

Some people have so little regard for others they can’t even be bothered to tell plausible lies.

If the child was too ill to be taken to Pizza Express then, why would it be ok to bring him and his germs to your home later?

She wanted to do something else but have some child free time later.

What are you on about 🤣 I had loads of ‘play dates’ at 8 and my mum didn’t let me wander around the streets unsupervised!

Your dd may love this other child but really until she's older they won't be able to hang out together without the parents involved in some arranging.It's frustrating but you'll burn yourself out trying to deal with the other mum.Been there done that with my own dcs and some really flakey parents.The sad thing is once you tolerate this once you can guarantee your'e in for more in the future.The dcs will see each other in what sounds like a shared hobby/sporting activity.If the other parent asks for another playdate just tell them that it was disappointing and costly to be kept waiting last time and you don't want to be in that situation again.

The term "playdate" is new, the concept of a kid having a friend over to play isn't. I definitely went round to friends housed 30 years ago. The children also live an hour apart, so it's not like calling on a neighbour.

It depends where you live. The streets around my way aren't safe enough doe kids to be out on their bikes until they're about 13 or so.
Likewise being in the park alone.

I'm in the UK and we've done playdates at our house, friends' houses, soft play, zoo, etc.
If arranging to meet outside the home I'd always go foe something that would still be do-able if the other party was a no-show.

In OPs case, the other parent was flaky. I'd have let them know I was at the restaurant and had ordered. If they wanted to rearrange I'd have asked them to make it something or somewhere that there were other things to do.

I was raised in the 1970s and was left unsupervised a lot.These are different times though and I remember there being virtually no traffic on the roads when I played out.So different today.

She perhaps assumed you wouldn't order until she arrived but either way she's rude AF to have done that.