To be so fucking angry. How many more women and children must die?

[Kianai]

I'd almost become numb to it, with all the news so far this year.

Murder after murder of women and their children. Noone ever seeming to link the common denominator. NAMALT.

This latest one today, I feel like something is beginning to snap inside me. Three babies and a young woman dead, because of a fucking man. Again. And again.

news.sky.com/story/police-launch-murder-investigation-after-woman-and-three-children-die-in-house-fire-in-bradford-13200678

Awful. Those poor poor children and their poor mother. Nothing anyone can say is enough, this has to stop! Now! For me, my daughter, my sister, my nieces…for all women and girls 🌺

I agree, so much.
We are young and objectified and told to take it as a compliment.
We are older, and abused, and told to get on with it.
We protest against male police killing us, and male police assault us.
Fucking sick of it.

If he had assaulted a police officer would they have been asked that or a random person on the street. He made a choice and that choice has consequences. If he loses his job it's 100% on him.

This. God it’s just so frustrating. I want to raise my DDs to take no shit from anyone, male or female, yet DH (sensibly) points out that we also need to warn them of the dangers out there, largely from males.

Absolutely bloody ridiculous that we are in this situation in 2024.

Since you asked:

For the year ending March 2022, there were 498 male and 198 female victims of homicide in England and Wales. This translates to approximately 9.6 men and 3.8 women being murdered each week. The disparity reflects broader trends, where men are often victims in violent confrontations or criminal activities, while women are more frequently victims of domestic violence [oai_citation:1,Homicide in England and Wales

• Office for National Statistics](www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/crimeandjustice/articles/homicideinenglandandwales/march2022).

God, me too.

I was reading something on reddit where men thought it was fine for them to get angry-they argued it's the only "acceptable" emotion men can show. I thought is it really? Who wants to be around an angry man? Their logic was as long as it doesn't lead to violence it's perfectly fine. The problem is how on earth do we women know it's NOT going to lead to violence? I would get the hell away from an angry man as soon as I could. It's intimidating and so often men can't CONTROL their anger. Women getting angry doesn't usually lead to the possibility of someone ending up dead.

What’s strength, rather than attitudes really got to do with all this? Stop trying to minimise.

There's another thread just now full of NAMALT. Posters saying women are violent also, that women are a danger to men, that there's no need for women to be scared of men etc. Also my husband/son/father is a good man. Because rapists, murderers and sexual predators don't have female relatives of course 🤔.

It's bad enough that (some) men just won't accept that male violence is a major issue but that women don't want to see it either is astounding to me.

If this saves just one person this will be worth it. If you are in a relationship with a man who chokes you, get out, this is a high indicator that at some point in the future he WILL kill you.

This. 100%

It's fucking abysmal. I've started to get a panicky feeling every time I read about another case. Even well-meaning men often just don't get it.

It is so sad. I don't have many more words but just wanted to add my voice to the despair

Many women know the reality of being in an abusive relationship, or of being the unsupported mother of SN kids. Knowing this it’s possible to have some empathy for how a woman has reached a point where this feels like her best option.

And if there were appropriate supports to help women leave safely, if abusive exs had to financially support their children without it becoming yet another form of control, if there was easy access to long term trauma informed therapies and realistic services for disabled children many of these deaths simply wouldn’t have happened. The solution for much female driven murder is relatively straightforward it just needs a public will and investment in services that women need.

Male driven murder not so easy when misogyny seems baked in to our society.

Saw that on the news and felt a sick rage rising in me and seeing the picture of that young woman and her children made me so sad and angry at the same time. There is not a single woman who has not had some sort of unpleasant and unwanted contact or attention from a male and it enrages me. When the report came out about that thing who murdered Sarah Everard (honour her name and consign his to oblivion) I sat down and thought about every singe piece of male awfulness I have endured from being flashed at through to being seriously sexually assaulted on my way home from work. There was just so much, S A from my dad and my brother, beaten and attacked by a man I met in a club in my 20's, groped by a doctor when I was 15 and those are the "big"ones. Then of course there are all the micro aggressions, being cat called, being kerb crawled while out with my toddler in their buggy(!), having crude remarks made about my body while I simply going about my daily life. I used to think it was me, that I had no sense and always managed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, but no, it is men, not all of them but far too bloody of them. I fear for young women today, it seems even worse, more common and more violent or maybe they are speaking out more. Looking at my list I realise I hardly told anyone, never mentioned the family abuse, the doctor, didn't report the post night club attack and as for all the "minor" stuff, on some level young me just accepted as part of being a female. I am so angry about the terrible things that happen to women and girls,

I totally agree - I just wanted to make the point that the woman counted in the stats is unlikely to have killed her husband or partner. She is likely to have killed her children, often whilst desperately unwell.

I politely asked my male neighbours to keep the noise down and got called "mother Fu^ing C**T" , it seems that there is so much woman hating rage simmering below the surface

And most of those murders are committed by men. I would prefer them not to kill each other either but as we've been unable to deal with male violence against women I don't think that, as women, we'll be able to have much effect on male violence against men. That's not a reason to meekly accept male violence against women as unchangeable.

Unfortunately not much gets done because the good aka non-violent men may make sympathetic noises but ultimately it doesn’t directly affect their lives so it doesn’t really impact them that much. They can go back to watching the telly, or playing their video game, and so on, and not think about it anymore. I think there is also an element of guilt by association that they don’t enjoy feeling so don’t want to dwell on it too much. Some may feel, well what’s it got to do with them, they aren’t doing these violent acts.

As for women, I’ve noted that quite a few get stuck in the mindset of defending the good men in their lives and don’t want to go beyond that in discussing the issue. So in the end you’re left with a much smaller fraction of the population who feel strongly about this issue, but I may be wrong in this line of thinking.

it seems that there is so much woman hating rage simmering below the surface

Exactly this. It's funny how men can control their anger and rage when put in the same situation with another man.

I’ve long thought that if women were harming and killing men and boys at the same rate men harm and kill women and girls, there’d be an absolute uproar. I suspect they’d have no problems with a curfew then. I suspect there would be calls for us to be under house arrest.

Yes. More men are victims of violence, but the situations are very different - men tend to be injured in fights, while women are generally victims of dv.

And of course the vast majority of those doing the violence are men.

You seriously believe that?

Says a lot that someone reported my post! My god.