To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

That sounds very upsetting. How old are your other DC? Are you able to find ways to keep a closer eye on him?

I had an elderly aunt who had had a toddler and twins and once admitted that she tied the toddler to the leg of the table so she could deal with the twins. They all survived and were in their 50s by the time she shared this. I hope you get some helpful replies.

Sending you hugs. My first was like this. We had child gates on all doors and child locks on virtually everything. I remember vividly sitting with hv and asking what I was doing wrong. This was also the child who happily would scoot miles everyday and had to be kept a close eye on 24/7. We made his bedroom into a safe room where he couldn't destroy anything (cupboards and draws were locked as he would empty everyhting out and shred books) - non breakable toys were in an open toy box and had a large dog gate over it. Sounds awful but sometimes the only way I could get a shower was to pop him in his room to play. And he couldn't wander and hurt himself at night

Mine turned out to be a very very hyperactive adhder. He was send for asd disgnosis at 3 but consultant said no, he was most likely adhd but she couldn't diagnose him until 6. We made it to 6, he got diagnosed and became much clamer on medication

Urgh, some days are just dreadful. Some questions to ask yourself,

Does he only get attention when he’s done something ‘bad’? Kids will behave badly if they feel your attention is mostly elsewhere and they can’t get it through just existing.

Does he get enough exercise? Have you tried wearing the little blighter out with a trip to the park first thing in the morning? That might mean you have to take the others too though. I feel for you, it’s not easy when they’re the ‘spirited’ variety.

Firstly, sympathies - toddlers are hard work!!!

I think I’d start having some rules. No drinks in the living room, for example.

Keep anything completely out of reach and indeed out of sight that you don’t want breaking/messing up. I imagine he probably doesn’t understand why all the toys are in bags, so maybe just keep explaining why so eventually he gets it.

And try to get out of the house as often as possible!

I found the incredible years book very helpful.

Sounds dreadful OP. So so sorry.
Does he behave like this at nursery and other peoples homes ir is it just with you to get attention? Had he been out at all that day before he did all this? Could it be boredom/pent up energy? Energetic kids his age can’t spend too long at home tbh.

Take a big deep breath! He does sound like he’s toward the more extreme end of the scale of destructiveness, but there’s nothing here that other DC of that age haven’t done. You need to child proof your house better.

Juice: keep in locked fridge. He only drinks it at the table when you are with him. Rest of the time he drinks water - small amounts given out. Be strict on this - water is better for him anyway.

Soap dispenser: get a plastic one, or better still, use bar soap and put it on the sink on a folded up face cloth.

Wipes: don’t buy them - too expensive- apart from pack kept in your bag for going out. In the house, use facecloths. Buy about 6, rinse out after meal/snack times, and chuck in washing machine at the end of the day.

Toys: don’t be so previous about separating them all into bags. I did this with DS1; DS2 trashed my system …

Storage box: get him off it at the first sign of trouble.

Are you bf a baby and can’t get to him in time? If not, you’re going to have to be with him more and intervene straight away.

If you can, get him out into the garden or yard, and let him dig his own little area, or basically get him running around and wear himself out.

Eldest is 4 and about to start school, and youngest is 9 months.

He’s now big enough to reach door handles to open doors, and he’s worked out how to open the child safety lock things on cupboards and drawers. We’ve taken to putting cable ties round some of them but that isn’t really practical.

He has also figured out how to undo his seat belt in the car which means I end up having to stop several times during every journey we ever take so I can strap him back in.

He and the eldest share a bedroom and the sitting room is the only living space (also has the dining table in there) so there’s nowhere else he could have his drink. He only has juice once a day but even when it’s just water, he pours it everywhere. Even the munchkin 360 cups, he worked out that all he has to do is pull the rubber bit up and he can pour the water out.

Oh poor you, toddlers are well known for this so that is why there is a whole industry around child proofing your home.

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle- switch to bar soap

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single on— you need the cabinet child proof locks installed so he can’t get to things like this.

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy - you need a lock on the toy box and rule of one toy out at a time. You also should start having him help tidy up toys. We used to play a tidy up song.

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table- no food or drink outside the kitchen rule. Use baby gates if you have to.

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out- this you need to be there in the same room so you can stop. This is a lack of supervision.

What are your other two DC like?

I remember that pouring drinks phase, it’s a schema apparently and I maintain it’s one of the more infuriating ones.

It is so easy for me to say but reading this from an objective point of view I can see he’s learning things about gravity and transparency and absorbency and so on. I know it doesn’t make it any easier for you. It does end.

There are several different areas to address here

The wipes, soap dispenser and juice shouldn't have been left in places where a toddler has access. Juice only at a table, sitting down and taken away when toddler gets down (or in a closed cup with a valve so it doesn't spill).

Getting out toys I don't think you can get cross over - if you don't want them all out at the same time, then they need to be somewhere where he can't access them. Make sure he helps put them away afterwards.

Willful destruction of storage box and sofa cushions is a different matter. What are the consequences of such behaviour? But also, how is such behaviour not noticed until after it has happened? If he can't be trusted to behave, then he can't be left alone.

I would also look at how much attention he is getting when he is behaving himself, as well as how much energy he is able to burn off during the day.

Follower toddler herder here. I can feel the frustration in your post as some of these things are so fresh in my own mind! My 2nd child admittedly had less of my attention than my first, so I imagine with 3 its very hard to keep an eye on him constantly.

Most of these are fairly standard "What happens if I do this?" sort of toddler activities when left to their own devices. Mine is nearly 3.5 now and is a totally different creature, so it won't last forever!

For now just try to contain him when you are busy. Can you set up an interesting play scenario for a bit? Like bring out a box of toys he hasn't seen in a while so you can get the laudry or lunch done?

Mine always played for a long time with playdoh, kinetic sand or water. Either set them up at the sink with bubbles and things to wash and play with. We also have a little play sink with a real tap that seems to mesmerise the very young. If you can get them at the counter or table playing with things like that you can watch them while you make dinner.

I did laugh at the grandma who tied the toddler to the table leg! It's obviously an age old problem to solve!

You can get special extra straps/clips to use with car seat harnesses to prevent them escaping - https://www.escapemenot.co.uk/product/escape-me-not-car-seat-anti-escape-harness-chest-clip-no-threading-required-helps-prevent-children-taking-their-arms-out-of-the-straps-monkey-design/

They get plenty of running around time outside in the garden or at the park down the road, and I’m always trying to find ways to engage with them in whatever they’re playing with. It doesn’t help that he and my eldest can only play nicely together for like 5 minutes before the screaming and fighting starts. Meanwhile I’ll be bf-ing the baby or halfway through hanging out laundry or making lunch or whatever, and I have to stop what I’m doing to separate them or clear up whatever mess he’s made.

Have a think about using bar soap not liquid for now.

It sounds like he likes emptying and scattering/trajectory, possibly a percussive element to this too. (A guide to schema play in toddlers (onehundredtoys.com) here's a link to schema play)

Think about streamlining his toys, rotate what is available, puzzles kept in a cupboard.

Def drinks at the table only.
A firm NO to taking cushions off furniture. Get him a bag with a zip he can fill and empty.
Get him outside to play as much as you can.

Sending hugs. I'd say he is doing some of those things for attention, some just because. But then I also wouldn't class some of those things as destructive. But I can see how they feel like it with the build up of everything.

The fruit juice on the table and wet wipes are a constant in our house. Its a sensory thing. My DD is also 2.5 years and just loves the splashing with the fruit juice/water on a flat surface and wet wipes because of the noise they make coming out I think. its just comforting. It's so annoying to have to clean up all the time.

Toys out the boxes/bags - also I'd say he just liked taking things out and that's just how he plays. My DD does this alot. Takes everything out but doesn't play with it. Its like her form of play sometimes. Never put its back tho lol. I do get fed up on the constant 'resetting' of everything every evening though.

My only advise - use cups that can't be tipped out if he keeps doing it, put things out of reach you don't want him to get (wet wipes etc) and stop replacing broken things. He will get bored eventually as I bet at the moment he sees it as a bit of a game when you replace stuff.

I get it though....my DD is hard work at the moment. Yesterday I swear her aim was to see how many times she could push me to the limit, how many toys she could through around and how many tantrums she could throw.

My DS was like this at 2.5. we had to resort to locking every single cupboard. All chairs and stools were removed from downstairs so he couldn't climb up onto surfaces so easily. We had to lock parts of the house.

We had to run him like a husky outside for hours a day and give him lots of activities to do. That's on top of the 8 hours he was doing at nursery. He didn't nap.

He had plenty of toys but just was so...excited!

He is now 5 and a little calmer. Focuses a lot on Lego but still needs a lot of energy burn off time.

Wide. Open. Spaces.

Get him out as much as possible even in the rain. I have two like this. We used to be out constantly. They are older now and it's not as bad.

Sounds tough op.

Is he maybe acting up because there’s a baby needing attention?

Other than attending to basic needs, other jobs will, for the time being, need to wait until they are napping, or in bed at night, or else you wait until the baby naps and involve the other two.

We have child proofing locks on things. He’s worked out how to open them.

We have a baby gate across the kitchen doorway. He’s worked out how to open it.

We have the spill proof cups. He’s worked out how to pour water out of them.

You know that scene in Jurassic Park when they realise that the velociraptors have figured out how to open doors? That’s my life. I have three children, one of which is a breastfed baby so I can’t just hover over him all day long.

Take the cup off him the minute he starts to pull the top off.

instead, do water play in the bath or with a bowl on the kitchen floor - show him when he can practise pouring and make it fun. The four year old can join in too. He sounds very energetic and he’s going to need ways to burn off that energy. Is the four year old sensible? Can you manage the park with all three when the baby is likely to sleep so you can play with the older two?

Omg we used to say the same thing about the raptor scene 😂

Have you tried the magnetic locks. So you can't open them without sliding a magnet over the front? And then keep the magnets very high up?

Can you check out better stair gates etc? I’m sure DS2 knew how ours opened, but they were actually quite hard to open - physically, I mean. He wasn’t strong enough to open it. MIL couldn’t do it either.

Mine were like this.

In the end their bedroom was no furniture and a futon pad only on the floor to sleep on.

The lounge had pretty much everything taken out of it except sofa and chairs and toys. Fire had a guard.

We didn't have a nice house for a long time.

I used to have one cupboard they could go into…like pots and pans and Tupperware to play with. Every cupboard not safe you really have to get key locks for like in Uni halls kitchens.

Mine also would unclip their car seat. I ended up buying a car seatbelt buckle guard/lock. They have them on Amazon.

As for food /drink, can put child size table in kitchen? Or put a rug under dining table and have a sit in seat at dining table for all food/drink other than plain water.