To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

Don't replace soap dispenser. Use bar soap.

Keep zip locked bags out of reach.

Set up some messy play somewhere cleanable. (High chair over big mat in kitchen maybe) I used water as it would dry not sticky.

Supervise better. (Some kids just can't be left alone, which I learned the hard way)

The old baby car seat was useful for toilet trips. Strap in, place in safe place, special toy, pop to the loo.

We also had some safe cupboards with things he could pull everything out of. We just got used to living with tupperware all over the floor for a year or so.

My DH once forgot to lock the spice drawer. That was a fun afternoon.

Ps it could be much worse. They could be a poo smearer like my friends kid.

Thing is that child one is more of a stegosaurus (able to wander around munching on stuff until attacked) and child three is more of a dinosaur egg (stays mostly still, need to avoid it being cracked).

You need to concentrate on your mini raptor herding. Nothing breakable, they all love pulling out baby wipes and pouring stuff out, but they need something more entertaining to keep them from pissing off Indomummyis Regina.

I disagree about the messy play. You're not talking your standard toddler here. You're talking Godzilla toddler. Messy play can never be contained with such a beast. We only ever did messy play outside with the door locked so we couldn't go back in until he was stripped down to a nappy and carried, wriggling, back in straight to a bath.

😕Not sure the idea of tying a child to a table is a 'helpful reply'.

@AngeloMysterioso

one thing you can do easily is fit small bolts at the top of your doors to contain him in the room you're in. He shouldn't be left alone long enough to do some of these things.

Was also going to suggest seatbelt clip.

With toy boxes is there anywhere else they can be stored? She's in garden?

Being a few things in at a time they he chooses.

Do you have a garden? Water play tray and swing etc are great for kids who sensory seek like your ds. Or big soft bricks for inside.

Has this behaviour started since the baby was born?

Does he go to nursery and what is he like there?

Sorry for all the questions. There will be some helpful solutions but they are only helpful if they are practical !

We have a baby gate across the kitchen doorway. He’s worked out how to open it.

We had to get one of the baby gates with a foot pedal that requires the weight of an adult on it for it to open.

It’s tough, but you’re not alone. Many of us have been through it as lots of toddlers are like this! Mine decided to climb the curtains one day and brought them crashing down. The house will often be like a bomb site so don’t feel a failure,

we used to joke that any day where kids were alive fed and happy was a successful day.

Oh my goodness he sounds like a handful! Also, it sounds like you are doing everything you possibly can. I would have cried too. I did laugh at the aunt tying the toddler to the table leg. That sounds very relatable. I do hope your little velociraptor will grow out of it!

That was the 50s solution, for me in the 70s we had “play pens” literally toddler sized cages. Not recommended these days…

I’m LOL-ing at the suggestion to “supervise better”! So simple! So obvious!

Definitely sounds like attention seeking.

ANY attention, even if you are shouty and crying, is better than none.

Outdoor exercise and play is essential to keep young children happy and calm.

He sounds bored- and probably jealous of the baby.

Can you put them all in a buggy and get them outdoors for a good hard runaround?

Being cooped up in a tiny house {or even a big one} is boring.

Toddlers need lots of activity, their brains are like sponges, taking everything in.

Exercise, and more exercise. Wears them out so the indoor destructiveness {out of sheer boredom} will hopefully be diminished.

Honestly he’s been like this since way before baby showed up. He’s been hard work since the day he was born.

At nursery he’s described as a handful… baby has had a few settling sessions as he’ll be going one day a week from Sept and they’ve all remarked how easy going he is by comparison! He’s better behaved for his grandparents, but there’s two of them (and baby doesn’t go to theirs yet) so they’re able to divide and conquer. Plus they have a bigger house with lots more space.

I only have one 2.5 year old (2nd due later this year) so appreciate it's not the same but I do the following:

I let him play in the sink with the water after washing his hands and just put towels down! If he pours water out of his cup elsewhere it gets confiscated. He does this a lot! Likes to make concoctions with water and food... we do also have a water table in the garden which he loves but ours is mid renovation so not always that accessible.

We use the magnetic locks and keep the magnets up high! He knows how to use a magnet if he can get his hands on it but can't override them like the other locks we've tried - I'm not sure anybody could override them without pulling the cupboard door off. Anything like wipes/breakables in a cupboard (pain in the arse!). We can't have crayons etc. out unless directly supervised.

Gave up with separate bags for puzzles - we just have one draw they all get chucked in!

It will pass... at least I hope!

Drinks at the dining table only, for a start. And sounds like he might be seeking attention, and also need to release energy? Is he going to childcare or children's groups where he can let off steam?

But it is the truth - Close supervision will stop these destructive behaviours.
Three children so close in age is a lot for anyone to contend with- one toddler can be entertained easily.

But three young children when you only have two arms?..not so easy.

Hi! I'm kind of disappointed for you that so many posts say something to the effect of 'do better '. You're doing your best, and it's enough. Your child sounds like a force of nature and like me you are in a very small space, possible like me with very little funds to, for example, buy products specifically to deal with this temporary frustration.

My 2.5 year old girl is the same, and I have tried a range of different approaches. In the end I think patience is the only way to get through it. She literally can't stay like this forever, right?

I am mainly writing to say that it's totally not your fault that your child spilled juice on tbe coffee table!

Xxx

OP you are in the THICK of it right now. You would definitely not be the first parent to hide in the loo and have a quick cry. Will he be going to nursery/preschool in September?

You're not doing anything wrong. Three under five is relentless. Part of it will be normal toddler exploring, and as others have said, part of it is probably also totally normal jealousy of the baby.

Your eldest being in school soon will hopefully mean you will have a bit more time to concentrate just on him while the baby is napping, and fewer sibling fights to break up.

Would he sit on the sofa and listen to a story sometimes while you breastfeed, or is he too active? Sometimes that's a nice way of deflecting jealousy as they get your attention even while that baby is feeding.

Does he go to nursery? If not, do you have a local drop-off playgroup where he could go for a couple of mornings a week, just for two or three hours to give you a break and him some distraction? They often take children from 2.5.

Is this not normal 2 year old behaviour?

Kids at this age learn through cause and effect. They love it. It's like magic to them.

You cannot stop him from doing this but you can find safer and less messy ways of him doing this.

This might mean using plastic soap dispensers and removing loose cushions and making a wet table for him to explore pouring, and putting child locks on cupboards or rotating toys so that he only has access to a limited amount at a time.

My child is autistic and at 2.5 wouldn't have understood my frustrations, but he definitely did this stuff and we just had to redirect him, and he's 5 now and has learnt that when we want to do wet stuff we do it at the wet table, when he wants to undo a ball of yarn he's to wait for a grown up so we can play winding and unwinding. Back then we got a toy baby wipe box, that had dry wipes that could be put in and taken out. We made a busy board. We had science days where we would have activities that show him that sometimes you do something to an item and it can't be changed back to its original state, like kitchen roll in colourful soapy water.

It was exhausting, and I definitely didn't do things like this every day but once I knew it was the cause and effect that he was seeking and not just being a troublesome toddler it made life a lot easier to navigate.

If you think he has higher levels of energy than a typical toddler and you're already getting in lots of movement during his day try adding some regulating activities.

Proprioception - activities against resistance e.g. pushing/pulling, crashing play, hanging from monkey bars/kneading dough/activities against resistance. Blowing bubbles/drinking through twisty straws.

Deep pressure - joint compressions/massage/foot squeezes.

I don't think my DS has any specific sensory needs other but responds well to leg/foot massage to help him calm down and loves to hang. Usually do them after a good run about.

We do regular breaks to "squeeze the sillies" out of our arms and legs. It either calms my son down or it gets him excited but distracted and we have a connection, both are a win.

Sensory breaks are great advice.