To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

Really tricky, if you didn't have an older child I would have suggested stripping everything back but it does seem unfair for your older child to not have access to toys etc because you 2.5 year old can't be trusted.
I think for things like the juice/water, I would only be giving it to him at times you can supervise, you can't withhold something like that but just be really calm and immediately take it away when he spills it and try to get him to help clean it up with you.
Is your oldest child able to play in their bedroom so that you can separate out toys for your 4 year old and those for your 2.5 year old?
I recently also saw some advice about if a younger child is ruining train tracks for example whilst the older child is trying to play with them, to put the older child into a playpen with their toys so the younger child can't access them, rather than the other way around.
I feel like reducing the number of toys drastically (maybe hide them somewhere) might help, if he doesn't have several boxes & bags of things to empty then he might get bored of that quicker, also less for you to tidy up and he might understand the consequence of - if you destroy things, you don't get to play with them. Maybe give 1-2 toys a day and rotate them out. We hide the extras in the bottom of our wardrobe and do a weekly rotation.
He might be advanced & getting bored since he's so capable with the child locks and stair gates... or he might just be a frustrated destructive toddler, how's his communication skills?

Edited to add: at this stage I would probably accept that for a few years you don't get nice things like breakable soap dispensers, use a plastic one he can't break, foil his plans any way you can.
Also, my daughter loves packs of wet wipes, obsessed with pulling them all out, apparently a super fun game. She's not any where near the level of your son but I kept a pack of wipes marked as hers and when she's bored of pulling them all out, I just shove them back in and she can do it again another day.

Look into dementia drink bottles too OP, they're anti spill. We use these. They are a one way suction valve. They're not fool proof but they have made life easier for us.

Have you and your dh tried getting properly angry with him, OP? Kids are like dogs, either they're a little bit scared of you if they misbehave, or they're in control and everyone has to live with the ensuing chaos.

My living room was virtually empty at this point... didn't put much back in it. And had no garden...but if you do have one this advice is better.

I think we did a lot of water play in the bath.

We had indoor sand but if you have a thrower don't do sand at all. (Or yogurt)

Definitely hide sudocreme. It doesn't come out of carpets.

We had furniture made with lockable doors for our living room. (Same cost as sturdy premade furniture) Didn't have handles put on so they couldn't pull on the locks. We had a climber. Window locks on all windows.

It's a normal stage of toddlerhood. Not that that makes you want to throttle them any less. Just buy only plastic or wooden stuff and keep breathing. Only 6 months or so until he becomes a slightly more reasonable human being.

My dad used to sit in the playpen to work to protect his stuff from me.

Which part of that comment is meant to be helpful?

Sew the sofa cushion zip tag to the cushion cover. (If not leather)

I would get a large and high play pen to put him in.

Well according to you I’m already a shit and lazy parent…

They sometimes go through a stage of prefering to play with real things than toys. My son used to love emptying cupboards and pouring water. So he had "safe" cupboards in our kitchen and in both our mums' kitchens full of tupperware/non breakable items that he could empty. And I would give him a load of bowls/cups/jugs etc so he could pour water to his heart's content - either out in the garden or I'd put towels down for him to play on inside. My mum was very good at making him dens out of sheets in the garden or using the back of the sofa

Could he go to preschool more.

I mean I can’t honestly say I’ve met a child that seems as hyped up destructive as yours sounds. Does preschool have any possible concerns that maybe there is Sen at play.

Ignore...you are solving it with the vipers...

Different kids different temperaments.

My autistic kid threw everything they could down the stairs everyday after school. Too fucking knackered at the time to think of solutions...which I can now. (Lock everything up upstairs as well as downstairs)

Poor you op.
You deffo have a Godzilla toddler there.
He'll be an amazing adult! 😁😁😁

I'm loving the sensory breaks / squeeze the sillies suggestions... Wish I'd known about that one back in the day.
My solution was to go to the woods for large chunks of the day. Any weather... Discomfort is relative. 🤣
We did Himalayan balsam bashing... Ripping up invasive plants that is... Omg that was therapeutic for all of us.
There was a lake, he made mud pies I sat on a log and bf baby.
Other stuff you do in woods.
Basically went feral. Can't say it was relaxing but at least the house was the same when we got back as when we left it.
But if you have 3 under 5... Respect. Hats off. Hope you survive it, but don't blame you for crying in the face of that onslaught. 🙏

My sympathies OP. I have a 2 yo and a 6mo and try as I might, fairly frequent toddler is creating chaos whilst I am doing some essential tasks like making food or feeding baby. I laugh at that oh-so-useful advice 'set toddler up with special feeding time basket whilst you relax on sofa with baby'. My toddler gave it one look, pulled all his books off the shelf, climbed on the dining table and threw the plant on the floor.
In an attempt to actually provide some advice, I'll share that I've found it helpful to limit the options of potential damage when I can't be directly next him or aren't in the mood to clear up, but not to remove offending item permanently, so he still gets chance to fulfil his requirement to do whatever it is. So no open cups most of the time, but occasionally I'll agree with plenty of reminders about not tipping it. He gets 2 chances to use it sensibly then it's gone, and I say cheerily, oh dear we'll put it away now, you'll help me clear up, and you can have another practice using it nicely later/tomorrow. Seems to be helping, or at least he now doesn't tantrum when I put the cup away because he trusts he'll get it again tomorrow and he sometimes doesn't pour it out, and I give tons of praise for that.

I’m not a “permissive parent” and I can’t see anything I’ve written that suggests such. I’m a parent who is only one person unable to split herself into 3.

But I hope you’ve had a nice time making me feel more shit than I already did whilst presumably patting yourself on the back for being better at it than I am.

Hey OP

I had 3 boys within 5 yrs...... it can be carnage.

Some pointers I used.....
Wear them out. We would go for a walk or to the park twice a day. Simple things like later today we are baking cakes I need you to help mummy at the shops buying what we need, or £2 to spend at the charity shop.

Have a plastic box where they have to put their drinks if they are in living room.

Several toy boxes but are rotated. IE Monday and Friday red toy box. Tues and Thurs blue toy box.

More importantly..... things will get broken, drinks will get knocked over. Kids are kids. At the end of the day you can think tonight well they are alive and fed 😘

I don’t find MN hugely helpful for stuff like this.

It’s so easy to brightly suggest lots of fun activities to do as an alternative to juice spilling or endless ‘get bar soap’ comments but really what you want is to scream into the void.

Youre not shit or lazy and toddlers are Hard Work. Neither gentle parenting nor it’s opposite work: it’s a waiting game pure and simple.

He sounds bright and is trying to entertain himself. 2.5 year olds don't understand consequences for their parents. What is his concentration like?

Bright children can benefit from going to nursery to have structured time. One of my kids needed to go to nursery at a younger age than my others.

No wonder there are so many men with personality disorders if this is genuinely what people consider to be good parenting.

He goes to nursery two days a week (we can’t really afford more than that atm but might increase it to 3 days after he turns 3) and grandparents look after him one day a week.