To be in tears over how destructive my 2.5 year old is?

[AngeloMysterioso]

So far today, he has:

-Smashed a soap dispenser bottle I bought three weeks ago to replace the last soap dispenser bottle he smashed

-Opened a new packet of wet wipes and pulled out every single one

-Got all the bagged toys out of the toy box (I separate things like puzzle pieces, little toy cars, wooden blocks etc into the big zip lock bags so they’re easy to find) opened every single bag and chucked the contents on the floor (without playing with any of them)

-Opened a new storage box I bought last week for his toy trains, emptied it all over the floor, and then jumped up and down on the empty box until it cracked and broke

-Poured fruit juice all over the coffee table and splashed it everywhere with his hands, so now it’s also all over the carpet

-Taken all the sofa cushions off the sofa, unzipped the covers and pulled all the stuffing out.

I just sat down and wept. We’ve got a very small home and three DC, and I’ve been working so hard to make it a nice space for us in spite of how cramped it is, but my day to day existence just seems to be going from one mess or broken thing to another. I just feel like giving up.

Well, quite, that’s why I ended by hoping she’d get some actually helpful responses.

I'm sorry you don't find the 'switch to bar soap' suggestion helpful. I don't know what else to suggest as the liquid soap dispensers are being broken in quick succession.

How do you react when he does these things? What is his punishment for breaking something, if he does it deliberately?

I'm sorry, but none of this sounds normal to me.

Does he focus on toys? Can he play nicely? Or is he rampaging around all the time?

It sounds so difficult. 💐

We had indoor sand

Oh My.

Indoor and sand are two words I would never put together!

You're getting a hard time. I feel sorry for you. There's no way i could keep on top of all that even with all the useful advice on this thread! I had two under two and our house was a disgrace for a couple of years. I couldn't keep on top of it at all. It sounds like you're doing your very best. It's too much for one person.

I don’t think it’s a bad suggestion or pp was suggesting that it was, it definitely solves the particular issue of the soap dispenser, it’s more that the soap dispenser is one example of a general problem. So yes you solve that, but next week he’s going to have found 30 new ways of being destructive and you have to find new ways of solving each of those, and it feels never ending and exhausting.

OP, he’s 2.5 which means this is probably the worst he will ever be. Which sucks, but at least the only way is up.

Ranty - It isn’t a dig at the suggestion as such. It’s more the focus on the minutiae of the situation the OP is in which means the point is missed. I mean, OK, so she switches to bar soap and the washing up liquid? Shampoo, conditioner, shower gel? There might be an answer for all these things but you can’t completely, totally toddler proof a house. And I know for me the endless ‘switch to bar soap’ answers would have me thinking that other people had the situation under control, and I am not sure they do.

It isn’t a personal criticism of you or anyone. I just sympathise as when you’re overwhelmed and stressed already answers listing in effect what you’ve done wrong can be upsetting and make you feel all flustered and like it’s a bit hopeless!

My second was like this too. Everything loose was thrown out of cupboards and down the stairs. Food or drink he didn't like was thrown. Glue was tipped out, paint went on his body, clothes and nearby inanimate objects, but never paper. In the supermarket, he had to put everything he could see in the trolley. After the placid first child, I really didn't know what hit us.

Things that worked for us:

• Anything breakable in high cupboards and food, pans etc in low ones. He loved stacking tins.
• Don't have carpet where things can be thrown.

Lots of outside time and letting him help in the garden. Help seemed to involve a lot of digging in mud.

• Blanket on floor with a tub of rice/lentils and spoons, cups, bowls etc to pour between. Easy to sweep up after.
• Sandpit outside, kinetic sand and playdough inside. Also easy to sweep after.
• Long baths.
• Big squeezy hugs when too manic.

A few years on, he is still destructive, but yo a much lesser degree and more usually when he is upset. He is autistic and probably adhd. Will get him assessed for that at some point. He absolutely thrives when allowed to get really deeply into his special interests and still needs lots of outdoor time.

@Fudgetheparrot yes. That’s it

We’re kind of out the other side now - only kind of. I have a 3.5 year old and he is hard on his toys and he does have this bloody annoying habit of standing on things - trod on an ice cream someone dropped yesterday and made his shoes all gross - but nowhere near as bad as it was. I also have a one year old though so doubtless she’s coming up behind!

There is an end in sight, one day things will be more ordered and calm, until then just survive, honestly.

My almost 3 year old is a little hurricane!

She doesn’t listen and literally starts her day tipping over the toy boxes. I hide some of her toys and alternate - I have given up keeping matching toys together, at the weekends sometimes I regroup them
but mostly I dump bits into a few big boxes.

I hide some puzzles/cards and only bring them out one at a time and tend to try and put furniture back in the dolls house, duplo into the duplo box, shapes in sorting boxes etc but most stuff just goes into the mixed boxes - bits of toys all mixed together (one of which is just for wooden stuff to make it a but easier to find). I tend to have a box of toys and a big bag of teddies hidden for my sanity and alternate.

I’ve lost track of what my tyrant has broken but we can’t leave breakables near her as she will chuck them - we have the soap dispenser up high as she would squirt it all out, has emptied wipes, likes to steal toilet rolls. We just keep everything we can out if reach and tell her no - we often joke that she has oppositional defiance disorder lol. Our own board games are boxed away and bidden. We use magnet locks for out kitchen presses and have the magnets stored up high. We had to hide the foot stool as she was getting onto the kitchen counters.

Then I collect her from Nursery and she is tidying up and they say she is really good! She does seem to listen to them, it is amazing. It is a nursery that allows them set the play (the curiosity approach) so she tends to be the child covered in paint and mud with some dirty clothes in the bag too when I collect her so I think that messy play works for her. Most of the other kids are clean so it just shows how they are all different, some kids love messy play - my nephew was so clean and liked keeping things tidy.

As a few people have said going to the playground/soft play/forest or something early in the day can help wear them out (though can also wear us out lol). My daughter’s destruction levels definitely rise when she’s been in and bored.

My advice would be hide some toys and alternate them every few days, give up on sorting stuff until he is older (except perhaps small things like puzzles/cards that you can hide and take out one at a time). Embrace the chaos for now - it’s not going to last forever. I do know it is hard - I’ve had a few down moments lately lamenting how messy the house gets and how many times a day I pick up duplo.

Sympathy OP I could have written this myself. My 3 year old is destructive too, he just looks about the house for the next thing to destroy. He's drawn on walls all over including on wallpaper in sharpie. He rips things, dismantles toys. Pours drinks all over, smears poo on things, grabs things like shower gel, toothpaste or spray bottles and just squeezes/sprays til they're fully emptied out in the bath or on the floor. He just never stops, it's hard work. He's in nursery (preschool) and is on the SEN register as he requires more support and supervision. I can only hope as he gets older he gets less destructive

I feel for you OP, I have a DS the same age and I could have written this post pretty much word for word.

Especially the spreading puzzle pieces and small toys all over the place. It honestly drives me round the bend.

I've taken to hiding my older child's Top Trump cards because I just couldn't bear picking them all up for the 500th time.

He used to walk through the house just picking up random items and throwing them in the air. Even heavy things like mugs. He did this at nursery too; which was incredibly problematic for the staff and other kids.

And for a while when he was finished with his meal, he'd just top his plate onto the floor.

As much as people say to keep putting things away, child proof, etc. that a lot easier said than done, especially if you have a small baby to look after.

For what it's worth, I think my DS is starting to chill out a bit now. He's not half as bad as he was 3 months ago, so I'm hoping we're coming to the end of this delightful phase.

His language and he understands a lot more now, so he's listening a bit more andI've started asking him to clean up his messes.

But in all honesty, I think

I'm not going to offer specific advice here as it will be pretty much useless. Having a baby and a toddler is hard (especially when you have an older one you have to pick up from school or drop off from school or whatever).

I will just say then when my second and third were under one and aged 2 I was bereft and felt just like you did. The older one wouldn't do anything on his own, did whatever he could to disrupt me feeding the baby, and played up a lot as he was adjusting to a new sibling. I got special toys, child proofed things to the hilt, trying constantly engaging with him. Yet still it was a
shit show.

The way I got through it was playgroup (lots of messy play and distractions for the older one, plus any mess made outside my home!) and TV!!! I'm strict about screen time but in this case if it was all too much I put the tv on for a bit, fed the baby in peace and had a cup of tea.

Then it all passed. Honestly it will for you too.

Sorry, posted before I meant to.

Hopefully your DS will come out of this phase soon.

Keep telling him 'no' when he does something destructive. And try to remove the things he targets the most. Hard I know; but hopefully it won't be for much longer.

Does he snore? Have dark circles under his eyes? Teeth overlapping or decay?
Might be an idea to get his airways checked by an airway function dentist.
I wouldn't have anything breakable on the floor they're able to access. Little boys often like to find out how things work by pulling them apart and can often appear clumsy but this just a development.
Keep them outside where possible?

This sounds really hard for you 💐

To me, although all toddlers can be hard work and do things they shouldn't, this behaviour doesn't sound normal to me. The fact that nursery also say he's a 'handful' suggests there is more than simply usual toddler behaviour.

Have you spoken to your GP or health visitor about his behaviour? I think that would be a good idea if you haven't already. Or, if you have, go back (or to) the GP and emphasise again what his behaviour is like, what nursery are saying etc.

What are your thoughts on the bar soap, seatbelt clips and magnetic cupboard door locks?

Has anybody suggested bar soap yet?

Can you put a bicycle lock with padlock on the stairs gate and only you can open that with a key that you hang into? Would that help?

This was/is my middle child, second borns are known for being Tasmanian devils and some stereotypes are true. But in my case I just knew he had ADHD, which he has been diagnosed with recently. He’s also globally delayed and still like a two year old - I cannot begin to go through the destructions we’ve had over the years! It’s hard, I won’t lie it’s got to the point of more screen time than the average MNner would ever think is ok but it’s a matter of surviving the day sometimes. Otherwise it’s as much physical playtime as possible, anything that involves climbing in particular. Are there soft plays or playgroups that you can take him to?

Just to add, I’m not suggesting your child is ND. Some toddlers are just extra as humans. My eldest was a dream baby/toddler and still got diagnosed with ADHD so it’s never an indication unless you already know of a familial link already.

What are the consequences you are giving them for their behaviour?

Lock him in the garden ?

No new ideas but it sounds so hard op. My dd was an utter nightmare from 2-4, just a liability and had to be watched constantly. I wouldn’t say destructive but she moved around the house creating mayhem and couldn’t focus on playing with anything. I had dd2 then (24m age gap) as well so it felt impossible.

the days when I had both dc at baby and toddler age were the hardest of my life and a lot of people didn’t really understand because dd1 was unusually difficult. She was diagnosed as ASD a few years later and still struggles with focus.

All I could do at the time was be out for as long as possible every day - morning and afternoon. I found it v tiring but limiting time at home did help.

In the kindest possible way- how do you punish him? Do you remove him from the situation, does he know he did something wrong or do you just swoop in and tidy it all up?

@AngeloMysterioso Safety chains on all your doors, high up!! had to do that for the dogs!!! get the childproof cupboard locks. on car seat, remove all the straps and turn them back to front so the unfastening button is on the inside.