AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

Nonsense.

The issue isn’t a lack of children it’s a lack of empathy.

there are people who are childless throughout their lives who can grasp this.

Quite!

If I got an invite to a wedding before 10am my response would be "Sorry - can't make it".

7am or earlier?!?!?!?!?

I don't know OP or her friend, I am not married, and I do not have children. Even I think bridesmaid's baby is more important than OP's wedding.* *

I think she means hair and makeup for the bridesmaids starts at 7am!

I don't understand the drift of MN sometimes - the consensus is it is not OK to leave your baby for a few days/a week to go to a wedding, but it is absolutely fine to foist new boyfriends/girlfriends/blended families on children - why?

Still ridiculously early. They can do their own hair and makeup before they arrive at the wedding, surely? Seems a bit much.

You are lucky she is coming for one night. I am sure she does not even want to do that. This post has made me really annoyed on her behalf.

They could, but sometimes it’s nice to get it all done together, especially if the bride is paying for a makeup artist.

When I was a bridesmaid I left my house at 7.15 to get to the brides for 7.30, and she did us a champagne and croissant breakfast and we had a hair stylist and makeup artist there to get us all glammed up. It was lovely!

Bridezilla

you should be worried about making the logistics easier for your friend with a baby, not asking her to leave her child overnight

Because there is no Uni Mind or manifesto that we all sign up to? People have differing views in different circumstances on different threads.

There is no general consensus and doesn't need to be.

You sounds bloody awful. I’ve also just seen you have children- and yet you feel this way!! Awful.

Oh well. I think nowadays couples have much more disposable income and can afford to pay for all that sort of thing.

Yeah definitely, and if that’s what they enjoy spending their money on, fair play!

You are being totally unreasonable frankly with your “basic expectation”!

You have to give her space to say what she can and can't do, what she wants to do and what she does not want to do. If her baby will be one year old, next year, her baby is very small now so she cannot possibly know what she will feel like, and you cannot possibly know what she feels now, let alone what she will feel like in several months time. There are women who do not spend a night away from their children, for years and years on end. Whether you agree with them or not, is irrelevant. You have asked, she has offered what she can, you can accept that offer or you can tell her that her commitment to your wedding and your friendship is not enough, but you will lose, regardless of what she decides and you will hurt her and hurt your friendship.

Are wedding ‘eves’ now a thing….?!

I think some brides like to do a full on slumber party with bridesmaids.

Me and the other BM spent the wedding eve at the bride's house with her Mum. This was nearly 30 years ago.
It was lovely. None of the three of us had babies at the time though.

Once babies started arriving, I was available as a BM on the day of the wedding and no one was stupid about it.

That all sounds very civilised and lovely….I had my best friend and sister for food and drinks I think.(too long ago)
To be expected to attend as a basic wedding requirement is ridiculous, why does everything become ‘a thing’

So, the hen do (often multiple nights away) the night before the wedding,
the day and evening of the wedding? Crikey….

Traditionally it was the hen and stag. When they were moved to an earlier date, people arranged a get-together, which would include anyone travelling for the wedding. Going back in time, yes the night before involved swapping houses and people staying with each other, having a drink etc.

Yes you are being a bridezilla. I wouldn't agree to leave my baby for even one night for anyone's wedding so I think she's being amazing agreeing to this.

Back in the day people would get married in their home town so not far to travel for the guests depending on where they lived.

None of my bridesmaids had children at the time of my wedding and I didn't expect any of them to stay with me the night before or after the wedding!