AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

Reverse or just selfish?

Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby

If the wedding is far away, you accept some people will find this difficult and expensive. If the mum is looking after the baby (far far away), what are you hoping, that the dad will have the baby the night before the wedding and then travel up separately to this far far away place on the day of the wedding?

Sorry, not a reverse. I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time. Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

😂😂 this is a joke right? 💯 bridezilla. So what she doesn't stay the night before you will be bloody sleeping anyways.

You are being ridiculous.

There should be no expectations of being a bridesmaid other than being by your side at the ceremony.
I didn't dictate what any of my bridesmaid did (although at the time noone had children). It was very much a 'I would like this but if you can't that is ok...what can you do?'. I certainly would not have said anything other than being happy with spending one night away (and mainly because I think parents deserve time off being not mum and dad every now and again)

It was your choice to have a wedding far from home and an early ceremony. So it’s entirely on you that your bridal party and guests have to juggle. YABU.

I promise you, whatever your logistics are, hers are probably worse.

One of my bridesmaids had a three month old at the time. I love her to bits, that's why she was my bridesmaid, and I just wanted her to be beside me when I got married in whatever way worked best for her. Having the baby there, having a room available to feed in even if she wasn't staying, etc etc. 15 years on we're still close and have supported each other through all sorts. The fact she wasn't there the night before my wedding is totally irrelevant - it wasn't important then and isn't now.

I went to a child free wedding when my eldest was 8 months and though I love the bride and groom it was pretty miserable. It was far from home so the only people we could leave the baby with was an hour away, I was still breastfeeding and the whole thing was just stressful (and a bit painful too!)

This makes absolutely no difference you are still being a Bridezilla. So what if the wedding is far away, if she's said she will be there then that's all you can hope for. Who's to say the bridesmaids who have told you they'll be there the night before will make it? Anything can happen, you need to unclench.

The only expectations on bridesmaids are that they

• show up on time
• wear clothes not of their choosing without complaint (ditto hair and make up)
• are pleasant friendly and helpful

There is zero expectation that they have to attend ancillary events or spend a night anywhere that does not suit their logistics

Good on her putting her baby's and her needs as a new mum first.

Being a mum is hard enough without dealing with other people's unreasonable expectations.

What the hell do you want her there the night before for? Your wonderful insta photos?

You absolutely do not need to worry about your bridesmaid getting there on time in the morning. You relax and enjoy getting ready, she will worry about the logistics of getting there. I'm assuming she has a plan of action for the morning, so there really is nothing to stress about here. I wouldn't want to leave my baby for 2 nights either

I'd be annoyed, but it's YABU for picking her as a bridesmaid. But if you did want her as a bridesmaid, do you really need her there? I'm assuming you have other people too. At least she's making an effort to come and be glad she's not wanting to bring the baby.

You most definitely are a bridezilla!

I spent the night before my wedding, alone, because one friend refused because she couldn't sleep in a bed that wasn't hers, another was pregnant. Not the end of the world.

You chose a miles-away location and an early ceremony and are annoyed it’s causing a logistical nightmare for people?!?!

Yes it’s your wedding, but your posts just scream ME ME ME!!!

Gosh weddings are such a faff. Yabu.

I edited as I realised without the point about logistics I sounded like a bridezilla. I'm not

you are. You want a child free wedding miles from home. I’m amazed she’s agreed to come at all!

Are you paying for the hotel rooms

How far from home, and how old is the baby?

It's miles away from her, not everyone else.

How old is the baby?

I can see you point - if it's a wedding far from home, normally the bridal party needs to be up early and getting ready (my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!) so if you're a way from home I'd understand being worried about her turning up on time that early (especially if she's leaving children behind!). You can't have someone showing up late throwing the schedule off!

Honestly I'd have a chat with her and just say you understand her priority is her child, does she want to step down from being a bridesmaid so she doesn't need to worry about the logistics of getting there super early on the day of or similar?

It's absolutely fine for her to make the choice she doesn't want to leave her child for two nights, only one, but that might just mean it's worth stepping down to avoid the stress on everyone if she's late etc

“Surely that’s a pretty basic expectation.”

You sound horrendously entitled and are expecting far too much. It’s YOUR wedding not hers. Be grateful she’s staying the night of the wedding and stop thinking the world revolves around you.

I'm not but I am annoyed that on my wedding I will be stressed about her getting to me on time

That's on you, unless the BM has indicated otherwise.
How old is the baby?
It's next Spring, the BM has told you well in advance what her attending plans are.

I'm afraid you are being a Bridezilla.

YABU:

a) to 'demand' someone is at the wedding venue the night before (bridesmaid or not),
b) to expect your FRIEND to be away from her baby for 2 nights when there is absolutely no need (if she's breastfeeding it'll be a bloody nightmare for her),
c) to stress about logistics for someone, whom (believe it or not) you have absolutely no control over,
d) to have your wedding somewhere that's difficult/lengthy travel for people to get to if you didn't want to have these kind of issues/worries,
e) to expect your friend/bridesmaid to say 'how high' when you say 'jump'. Yes, it might be YOUR wedding but it really is only important to you/DP, it really isn't so important for everyone else.