AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

Look at it this way: your wedding is the centre of your world. Her baby is the centre of hers.

She is juggling as best she can.

How much time has she spent on your wedding compared to how much you've spent on her baby? She's travelling, staying overnight, probably been dress shopping, hen party, organising things etc. Addnup that time and then add up how much time you've invested in her baby.

She's doing her best.

I can see you point - if it's a wedding far from home, normally the bridal party needs to be up early and getting ready (my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!)

@mushpush you got married at 7am?? Is this is typo?

If you go onto have children, I think you'll understand then. She's actually lucky to have someone who will have her DC for one night, none of our family would. We had no one to have our DD until she started doing sleepovers later on a school and even then it was a last minute decision to go out as we didn't have anyone we felt we could ask in advance to have her overnight.

Because your expectations are so wildly off

😂 Nooooo, the bridal party had to start getting hair and makeup at 7am, for a 12pm ceremony.

We all got to mine for 6.30 then drove to the salon for 7, myself, MOB, MOG and all the bridesmaids. Hair and makeup at the salon until 10.30 (3.5 hours was impressive for so many people!) then back to the venue for getting dressed.

A 7am wedding would be pretty empty I would imagine ha!

I think you are being unreasonable. Actually you sound entitled.

Can't her baby and DP stay at the hotel the night before too?

If she's stressed and worrying about the baby she won't be having a nice time doing bridesmaid stuff the night before the wedding is she

Is the baby invited to the wedding?

It's miles away from her and yet she still intends to leave her baby behind and travel to support YOU.
She is being a friend, you are not.

@Bridely2be hang on, were bridesmaid’s partner and baby invited to the wedding? By the sounds of it only her partner was invited, and only to the evening party.

Idk maybe you could avoid her having to choose between her baby and your super important princess day by not excluding babies.

In my experience it's often people with easy babies or lots of family support that are the least understanding. Most childfree people I know will at least give you the benefit of the doubt when you say you can't do something because of the kids.

surely this is a reverse. Nobody can be so self centered??

One year old? I could have managed one night maybe but being away from them for two nights? No way. Everyone is different but DH and I never really used childcare at all, Grandparents are both adamant that no childcare for socialising would ever be offered and only begrudgingly so in an emergency. Luckily we felt wrong leaving our kids anyway and I couldn't have managed 48 hours without them.

The OP claims it's not. And yes, you'd think so.

What does it matter if she's late and misses walking down the aisle behind you? No one else will know she was supposed to be there, no one will care. This is your friend you're talking about, not someone you've hired from an agency.

But baby not invited to wedding?

What's she going to do with it then?

It sounds like you are taking it as if she can’t be bothered to come for an extra night or is just being difficult. You know best if this is likely or not. But it seems to me that if she’s a good enough friend for you to want her to be your bridesmaid, that this is unlikely. So you need to be a good friend to her and respect her decision to only come for one night without making a fuss, that’s up to her and what she feels is right re her child. Otherwise what’s supposed to be a happy occasion is going to be marred by unnecessary bad feeling which would be a shame. If you feel you want to be with others the night before, maybe have drinks with other close friends/family.

I think you're being really unreasonable and mean!

My best friend brought her baby with her on the morning, she had her dress adapted for breastfeeding and it was actually really lovely. We have some really cute getting ready photos.

Let her off the night before. Arrange hair and makeup so that she gets hers done later in the line than the rest to allow for her travel time in the morning.

One of my bridesmaid didn't bother turning up on the morning even when hair, makeup, dresses and hotel room were paid for her. If shes a good friend she will help you to the best her ability which is all you should expect.

You are unreasonable to expect this. You may have wanted night way but many mums don’t. I thin you are fortunate she is staying any nights. Your wedding your choice, but you cant get upset when others can’t be fully involved.

How does her not being there the night before impact your wedding?

Zero impact

Exactly. As pp pointed out upthread, the bridesmaids used to meet the bride outside the church! It's all over performance really.

Two hours is nothing, OP. You are being ridiculous.