AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

Wow.
Just……wow.

You’re being soooooo unreasonable! I hate all this ‘surely she’d appreciate a night away’ business. I never liked being away from mine when he was a baby and I wouldn’t dream of leaving my new baby overnight either!

If you have children, then surely you should understand that's it's difficult to get childcare. Maybe her mum will only do the one night!

She doesn’t want to leave the baby for 2 nights and says she will be there on time in the morning, leave it as that. Don’t offer for the baby to come the night before, this will just be even more hard work for her

You are 100% being unreasonable

I laughed out loud at this! Surely it’s up to the bridesmaid to decide if she wants some time away!
She’s already giving up an entire day and a night for someone who insisted on getting married a long way away, and that’s still not enough.

And since when has spending the night before with the bridal party been a “basic expectation”?

Someone needs to understand that other people’s weddings are NEVER more important than your kids.

To be honest, unless you've been very lazy and disorganised, most of the bridesmaids bits can be done weeks before the wedding

What exactly does a bridesmaid have to do?
Unless the bride is very high maintenance, surely the bridesmaid just turns up on the day?

Too late now but this was entirely predictable. The moral of the story is choose bridesmaids who do not have babies or young children.

One of my bridesmaids had a baby at my wedding. The baby was there in the morning when we were all getting ready together and it was lovely to have her there.

Horrible attitude towards your bridesmaid.

If I was her and I read this then I wouldn’t want to be your bridesmaid or friend any more.

Be grateful for all of the effort she’s putting into a day that is of no benefit to her at all.

Everything she is doing is purely for you and you’re still moaning she’s not doing enough.

You are not a good friend.

My dc are 3.5 & 2 and I have not spent a night away from them yet. Except when I gave birth to number 2. Everybody feels differently about this and you have to accept whilst you were happy to get away for a night, another mother may feel differently. If the absolute worst happened and she never made it in time to the wedding, what does it actually matter? Yes it would be disappointing and annoying but you will still be married at the end of the day, and that is all that counts. So many things went wrong on my wedding day but we overlooked them because the most important thing was that we were married.

Is she breast feeding? Because at 12 months breastfeeding is usual still a key part of night routine. if she is breast feeding 2 nights isn't really doable is it? She would have boobs like bowling balls and poor baby will not have usual comfort in the night from it's mother.

But even if not by breastfeeding, suddenly leaving baby for whole weekend would be a lot.
If she is only 2 hrs away I can't see the Issue.

Because you're thoughtless. And a bridezilla.

HTH.

YABU.

We didn’t have a night out until DS was 8yrs old as we couldn’t afford a babysitter.

We have no family nearby and I definitely wouldn’t have left my baby son for any length of time and especially not for a wedding.

If part of being a bridesmaid for you involves spending the night before with the rest of the bridal party and she cant/wont manage that for whatever reason then she either needs to decline the offer or you need to make an accommodation for her.

It is not an unreasonable request for the bridal party to stay the night before (mine did) but also its not unreasonable for her to not want leave her child for 2 nights.

I wouldnt fall out over this. But i dont feel anyone is particularly unreasonable

Maybe ask if it is easier for her not to be a bridesmaid and just attend as a regular guest. Then you won’t have to worry about her getting ready etc.

Tell me you don’t have children without telling me you don’t have children 🤦‍♀️

seriously if it were me I wouldn’t be attending at all mines 5 and one night would be a push!!!

OP has children.

Are you having a laugh? I was a bridesmaid and stayed with the bride as I was childless and single at the time and thought it would be nice. the other bridesmaid had a baby, so obviously wasn’t expected to stay and we made sure she was last for getting hair etc done the next day so she didn’t need to rush. Off your rocker thinking she should leave her baby for 2 nights 2 hours away!

Why did you book it far from home? This is your fault for not thinking of your guests. I bet you’re not paying for them to stay two nights are you?

Jesus Christ. You’re lucky she agreed to be a bridesmaid at all.

The bridesmaid lives that far away, not the OP.

Hint writing "not being Bridezilla" in a post, doesn't actually stop you being a bridezilla if you decide to be one. Which you most definately have!!

YANBU, OP. It's your one wedding day and it's totally understandable that you want your nearest and dearest with you! You've spent so much time planning this and quite possibly a lot of money too!

Annoyingly, when it comes to children, you don't really have a leg to stand on with telling people what they can / can't do, but you are not unreasonable to feel upset about it!

I don't quite get this website, everyone on it seems to be anti - bride.... must be a lot of jealous folk is all I can think!