AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

You’re wedding is the most important thing in YOUR life. No one else cares, seriously! Be grateful she’s prioritising YOUR needs for the one whole day of your wedding. You don’t get to demand more.

This. In a nutshell, you sound like bridezilla

Why can't her partner and baby come the night before too and stay in one of the suite of hotel rooms? The same room they're presumably planning to stay in after the wedding, if it's far away?
Don't understand why her mum has to have the baby - isn't baby coming to the wedding? She can't be that good of a friend if you are refusing to let her baby attend.

I miss the days when you got an invitation to a wedding and it included your children, you could wear what you want, and you could buy any little gift that took your fancy. Why don't people care about their guests any more? Maybe I just need to get off mn and it's not like this in rl.

OP - tell her what time you need her on the day and I'm sure she'll be there without causing you any stress at all.

There could be lots of reasons why she doesn't want to come for two nights and it's her prerogative.

I’ve never understood why everyone has to get ready together before a wedding, it might be fun but it also could be a stressful nightmare!
In my day ( I can’t believe I just said that!) we all just met at the church🤣.

Wedding not near home when then why on earth are your surprised?

Tell me you don’t have kids without telling me you don’t have kids

She does!

OP you'll be a much happier person if you focus on what this woman is doing for you, leaving baby and travelling 2 hours to support you on your big day rather than focussing on what she's not doing. You won't be any less married for not having a bridal party sleepover and you will have your friend with you when it matters.

I know. That's how it always was.
I think that it's now all part of the narrative for social media. Instagram, video stories.
That's what's changed.
If this bride hasn't planned for "getting ready with my bridesmaids" pictures/ video, I'll be astonished.

Why are some posters insisting this is a reverse lol even if it is it doesn't change anything does it. I don't know why but I get irrationally pissed off when all I see is "reverse" or "obviously fake" lol anyway it's a non issue because your bridesmaid will be there on the day to do her bridesmaid duty and if for some reason she isn't there on time then pfttt I'm sure it will still be a lovely day. I decided a few years ago to let anything not in my control to just go over my head lol nobody needs unnecessary stress. If I were to get married again I would invite everyone and tell them to wear what they want and it's a sausage roll buffet so there's no expectation from anyone, I have probably gone too far the other way with my relaxed attitude lol but I'm all for an easy life now

Then trust her that she will get there on time. If she didn’t think she could then she would either change her mind about staying over, or give up being your bridesmaid. She hasn’t done either so she has worked out the logistics and it is fine, so cross it off your list of things to worry about.

if you don’t trust her then say something and hope you can find another bridesmaid to fit the dress.

I have an 8 and a half month old. I wouldn't be agreeing to 2 nights away. At the moment I can't even fathom one!

My baby still sleeps max 2 hours at a time, refuses to sleep in a cot, breastfed with allergy issues (including milk so can't have normal formula).

If it's important to have her there night before you should pay for a room for her to stay at the hotel with her partner and baby.

I wouldn’t want to be your bridesmaid with this attitude she is trying her best to compromise and be involved but thats just not good enough!

I presume you are also expecting hen do’s and ridiculous money being spent by people having to travel/ hotels etc!!

How entitled and childish are you!!

People can usually sniff a reverse. It's either a reverse or the person is genuinely batshit and totally self absorbed. People probably assume a reverse rather than someone being so rude about a situation. But sometimes, the person is actually just rude.

@Spotlightt you're right!

YABVVU

You are annoyed because your friend is putting her child before you?

My children will always come before anyone else. I wouldn’t have wanted to leave me 1 year old for two nights either. LO would have been very distressed and I would have been worried sick.

Does your friend know you’re annoyed? If my friend was annoyed with me, for putting my child first I wouldn’t go to the wedding at all. You are being extremely unreasonable.

This

Also this 100%

I’ve been a bridesmaid 4 times and never stayed the night before? Surely she just needs to come in the morning to get ready? My kids are 3 and 1 and there’s no way I would want to leave them for 2 nights unless it was completely necessary.

THIS

When you say this:

wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult

Do you mean that it is far from her home or far from both of your homes?

Because if it is far from her you should have talked to her about her comfort level around leaving the baby months ago.

If it is far from both of you, I think it was a bit idyllic of you to assume everyone wants to travel miles and spend on hotels and time away.

I say this gently, it sounds like she may be the first of your group and siblings to have a baby and so you really just don't get what it's like as you are still in the easy stage of just thinking about you and your costs and travel and booking time off work.

Babies complicate that and whilst i wouldnt expect you to understand that yet, I think you need to take it on the chin that everyone who has been in her shoes will see it differently. So yabu, but I can understand why you wouldn't think so yet.

OP has children. Which makes her POV even more wild!

you dont need to be stressed about when she arrives - you could CHOOSE to be stressed about it. Or you could literally just not think about it at all.

Even in a worst case scenario she is late - is it the end of the world?

I remember starting to get stressed planning my wedding - then I just accepted that being a bit stressed was one thing but being controlling was another.

Let it go. The day is about you and your partner - everything else is just meant to be fun and enjoyable.