AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

I would never have accepted a bridesmaid role once I had babies / small kids because of this kind of shit.

Weddings becoming such performances that many people’s lives are taken over for days and days.

Not popular as they are seen as deceiving other posters, and they also tend to be written to support the OP's views. That means they can leave out all sorts of nuance.

and are usually removed for being against site rules.

Nor me! Plus I certainly wouldn't leave the house at 4.30am for a wedding makeup session!

Congratulations, I hope you have a wonderful day.

You're getting married, not swimming the channel. I'm sure you will cope without a full support team.

She’s a grown up. She is capable of making travel arrangements to get places on time.

It's pretty standard for the bride and bridesmaids to spend the morning together getting their hair and make up done. Bride is usually last so BMs need to be early, especially if there's a few of them. Often, they spend the night together if logistics allow, sort of like a grown up slumber party.

None of this is new, it was standard when I got married 13 years ago.

Awk she could have, but I did want to be there too! I am sure if I had asked to come towards the tail end of makeup / hair e.g. 8am I could have. My DD was always waking at 4am anyway to be fed so it didn't make much difference to me.

Maybe they just don’t want to? Even without the baby the expectation that anyone should spend two nights away for anyone’s wedding is extreme imo.

No! It’s certainly not a basic expectation.

OP seems to forget that whilst her wedding is the most important thing in the world ti her, to everyone else, it’s just a really expensive day trip, sadly sometimes conducted by a complete prima Donna .

Your choice. I've never heard of women not being able to do their makeup on their own but I'm an old gimmer 😂!

This is weird. I have a similar situation and one of my bridesmaids isn't coming the night before simply because it's not that convenient for her. Fine by me, you don't get to dictate what people do beyond being at the actual wedding, just because they are a bridesmaid.

We were all getting our makeup and hair done too as bridesmaids, which I think is quite normal ATM! Not something I'd have done for most people but this friend was extremely understanding and actually happy to have baby come stay the night before too if I wanted.

It's better for her to get a good night's sleep, in her own bed and set off early. Rather than the baby not settling and everyone being grumpy and tired. My DD (bridesmaid) recently had to get to the venue at 7am, 45 minutes away, for make up etc. So what's she is doing is perfectly normal. Two nights away was a big ask and if it was important, then she should have been asked to step down when pregnant.

She may really struggle to leave her child overnight for lots of reasons. Two nights is a big deal at 1, I am sure if she could it would be easier for her to do two nights so trust her decision.
YABU and not a very good friend. Put her as the last hair and make up appointment and tell her the time she needs to be there. If she has a 1 year old a very early start is probably normal for her. If it's too early then she will have to make other arrangements but leave that up to her.

Goodness I’d pull out of being your bridesmaid. You sound like a nightmare.

Sorry for short replies! Promise you not a reverse, just got hands full during school holidays.

I will approach her about bringing baby with her, to see if that helps. I appreciate IABU, when mine were little I couldn't wait to have a night away 🤣

Right. Perhaps the bridesmaids could do their own makeup and meet the bride at the venue? Anyway. Whatever suits and this clearly doesn't suit the OP.

Mine too!

She is having a night away already, you mean 2 nights that you're trying to push for?

Yes...

Op your friend isn't ditching you to go off and party with someone else instead of coming to stay with you. These issues with child care always cause grief in these wedding parties. There really is no right or wrong. Some mums decide they can go and do everything that's asked of them some aren't as comfortable in doing it all. If my friend told she wasn't able to do everything I wanted in my wedding I'd be disappointed yes but not offended at all. You must respect what she wants to do.

OK. This changes everything. Although if she doesn't want to then it's still her choice.

And who had your baby for you? Did they happily have the baby for two nights, two hours away? If so, wow-lucky you!

Can you understand that just because you had reliable free endless childcare at your fingertips, not everyone else has!?

Honestly, the lack of critical thinking or awareness of other people’s situations is astounding.

Definitely a bridezilla

She will likely be much less available for you if she brings the baby.

Why not just trust her, as a fully functioning adult, to get to you on time on the wedding morning?

You are going to look back on this and cringe.