AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

I think you're being unreasonable here. Not everyone can facilitate two nights childcare and if she's able to be there on time to get ready on the day why does she also need to stay the night before? It may well be your wedding but Mary Poppins doesn't suddenly manifest out of the sky just because you are putting a ring on your finger.

Your attitude absolutely does make you Bridezilla. From your post she has a baby. So not surprising she doesn’t want to leave the child for two nights. Is she breast feeding ? Because if so, you’re lucky she’s there at all given that the wedding isn’t local. She’s making the effort for you for one night, but is very unreasonable of you to think that your wedding is more important to her than her own child.

"my wedding was 7am, others have all been the same or earlier!"

Weddings earlier than 7 in the morning?! Are you vampires?!

Is her DP invited ? Surely they will want to travel together which may be why she wants to come with him when DMIL has the baby .

😂
The earliest wedding I've been to was 11.30am!

You sound very self centred.

You may have looked forward to a night off from your kids but don't you understand people are different?

Also, you're worried about her getting to you on time with no reason for this worry! Just trust her to be there!

Don't ask her about bringing the baby with her, she may feel she has to to keep you happy and it may make things harder for her and more stressful for you.

YABU, the world does not revolve around you. You are getting married, thousands of people do it every day, many of us here have done it already and some people multiple times. You are not special, your needs don’t trump anyone else’s.

sorry to burst your bubble.

To be fair to OP she did say venue is 2 hours from BM not everyone else

2 hours isn't far, you were making it sound like she had a full day of travelling ahead of her. She's an adult woman who has managed to birth and raise a 1 year old, I am sure she can manage getting to a destination on time for an event.

I feel bad for her- she's obviously close enough to you to be a bridesmaid, and you're slagging her off online acting like she's not being reasonable for not wanting to leave her child for 2 nights. You aren't a very good friend.

If the baby will be 1 at the wedding in spring it must be very young now. She is not unreasonable to not want to leave her (now) tiny baby for two nights. Honestly one night is asking a lot, I didn't leave mine until he was 2.5ish.

Two hours is not that far.

Let her bring baby and hubby. Win win

Grow. The. Fuck. Up.

Are you kidding? The world does not revolve around your wedding you know? To a mum her kid is infinitely more important than your bridal party. You should be thankful she agreed to come without her kid.

Invite the bridesmaid's mum as well as partner, between them they can sort the baby out for min disruption during the night before/day/ceremony itself and the after party.

if you have your own baby in the future you will 100% understand.

Reasonable solutioin is for husband to come along as well for the 2nights and look after the baby but a. that means baby will be at the wedding (though not necessarily all of it) and b. it sounds hard work for the husband tbh

Ffs you are being massively unreasonable! Why don’t you just accept that? You’re not much of a friend to your bridesmaid if you can’t understand why she only wants one night away. Don’t try pressuring your friend with bringing the baby for the night etc. just accept that she’ll get there first thing in the morning instead.

What time does she need to be there ?
If it's 9 or later I can't see any issues.

You pay for a room for her, her partner and baby and one for her mum for night before and wedding night. She can be with her baby the night before and her mum is on hand for childcare.

Is it possible for you to be more accommodating of your bridesmaid's whole family the two nights in question?
Maybe you could arrange for bride's mother to be a guest and arrange accommodaion for all the family the night before quite near yours so that bridesmaid could pop out and spend as much time with her baby as she can, while keeping the baby very happy in readiness for your big day when she will have much less time to attend to her child.

She treads a fine line. She can't afford to have her baby screaming and really unhappy while she is being your bridesmaid so she is making sure her child is super settled and relaxed.

But everyone is different. Whilst it was ok for you, it isn't for your friend. That's her choice. My youngest is 18 months old and I wouldn't leave him yet for one night.

Your wedding day is incredibly important to you, and I'm sure your friend is ver6 happy for you that you are getting this day, but it's not as important to her as it is to you. For her it's a lot of work, probably a lot of expense, time consuming and takes her away from her baby. She's doing what she can because she cares for you and wants to be there for you, but you are expecting too much.

There's always someone. On every thread... And always within the first 10 comments.

Why?

YABU. You should have chosen a bridesmaid without children. Why does she need to be there the night before.

As pp have said - that was you.
I never wanted to leave mine until I had to so, no, we're not all the same.
What is your barrier here? Just too much focus on your wedding? Think about your friend.

Probably because you show have no sympathy for a new mum who doesn't want to leave her baby for two nights?