AIBU? Bridesmaid and childcare

[Bridely2be]

Getting married next spring and bridesmaid can only stay for one night due to childcare, meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation? Her mum is having baby on night of wedding so she and partner can attend, but night before her partner could have baby but she doesn't want to leave baby for 2 nights.
Edited to add that wedding is far from home so makes wedding day logistics v v v difficult due to early ceremony. Not just being brudezilla

I take it she has plans though to get to your venue in time?

Are they babies and are you leaving them for two nights?

The apparent lack of empathy?

Is the baby not allowed to attend the wedding? Then her and her partner and the baby can stay both nights?

Because you don't seem to understand what having a baby is like. A wedding is one day, that is fairly unimportant to everyone but you in the grand scheme of things. You need to apologise, you are being a terrible friend. If she was asking for advice here it would likely to be sack the wedding off.

It has to be a reverse, the little short responses we are getting back just scream reverse. Not addressing anything that people are saying, just occasional little one liners. OP don't you know how boring reverses are? Yeah we get it, your friend is a Bridezilla and you wanted confirmation of that.

Just drive up on the morning of the wedding as planned, or tell your Bridezilla friend you're stepping down as it's too much for you.

Reverse. And it's 'the baby' not 'baby'.

YABU - I haven’t left my 18 month old overnight once, I have left my nearly 4 year old for one night only. I will be leaving them both for 3 nights in September and I’m dreading it but it’s unavoidable for work. I wouldn’t stay for two nights for a wedding even for my best friend unless it was absolutely the only way to be there, which it doesn’t sound like it is in this case.

Everyone is comfortable with different amounts of time away from their kids and that is up to them, you don’t get to decide.

If she is massively late on the day then it would be reasonable for you to be annoyed but until then you are being unreasonable. If she is late then it’s annoying but so be it, no one is going to notice one missing or mildly flustered bridesmaid, they will be focused on you and your fiance.

Edited to add: my 18 month old also wakes up multiple times a night and wants me or DH. It’s a pain but it’s the way it is and I would want to minimise the amount of time one person has to deal with that alone.

Logisticly we have an early wedding and full day and I don't see how with a baby overnight she will get to me ontime.

Im not understanding this. I don’t get why this is such a logistical nightmare for you. She can spend the night at home with her baby and still get up early and do a two hour drive. Has she told you she thinks she’ll be late or something? Or are you just making that up? Is she usually late?

What does this mean?

A bridesmaid only needs to turn up for the wedding. A mum with a baby is not necessarily going to prioritise your makeup over her baby's needs.

meaning she can only stay night of wedding and won't be with bridal party the night before. AIBU to be annoyed? Surely that's a pretty basic expectation?

My bridesmaids arrived in the morning or my wedding-nobody stayed over the night before, so no, it’s not a ‘pretty basic expectation’. If I was your bridesmaid, I’d pull out from the whole thing-you seem to have no empathy whatsoever.

Some posters present their story from the opposite point of view in order to gauge responses. In this instance it's the bridesmaid who can't work out if she's BU.

To be gentle, there could be a multitude of reasons why she couldn’t attend last minute (never mind the long journey on the morning) Sickness, ill child/partner/parents etc etc. The only people that need to attend your wedding are you and your husband. Everyone else is a bonus but not essential, not even your bridesmaids. Child out! Stop worrying about what your can’t control (other people) and look forward to a life time of happiness with your husband.

I hope you're joking. Your choice to have an early wedding far from home.

YAB MASSIVELY U

I was bridesmaid in a friend's wedding with a 9 week old ebf baby..due to this I couldn't stay the night before. Wedding was 1hour 45min from me with a start time of 6.30am for makeup. This simply meant I was leaving my house at 4.30am with baby in tow to make sure I was there on time - not ideal but the best logistical situation for us all.

It's your responsibility to communicate expectations / timings i.e. 'I need everyone there for 7am' and each of your bridesmaid's to do what they need to do in order to make that work. Frankly, it's not your problem if she has a logistical nightmare that morning, you can't dictate that she leaves her baby to make you more comfortable.

Bridezilla or a reverse

It means that we all suspect that the OP is actually the bridesmaid, and she is posting as though she is the bride to see everyone's opinions on it. People post reverses for some reason, from the reverse perspective to see what answers they get.

Is this a thing now, bridesmaids staying over the night before?

2 hours isn't very far from home. I regularly travel that just for the day to see people etc.

Her baby will only be 1 and a lot of people aren't comfortable leaving a baby that age even for the day let alone one night so I think you need to be grateful that she is willing to do it the night of the wedding. You may not have struggled but everyone is different.

Bollocks.
Those of us without children are perfectly capable of understanding childcare doesn't grow on trees. That some kids can't be left for extended periods and some parents don't want to leave kids for extended periods.

A reverse is when someone posts from the other person's point of view, usually to show how unreasonable her friend/MIL/boss is.

So, if this is a reverse, OP is the bridesmaid not the bride.

Not popular as they are seen as deceiving other posters, and they also tend to be written to support the OP's views. That means they can leave out all sorts of nuance.

BUT, calling reverse is also a way of saying "you're being so fucking ridiculous no one actually thinks like this".

You're lucky she's leaving her baby for one night. I wouldn't even have done that.

@Teamustbefromateapot I think that's crazy!
Could she really not do her makeup without you?