SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

I had a similar experience, though with a malicious complaint direct to SS. I am disappointed to see some of the comments above around no smoke without fire- my experience was that there absolutely can be. Also, once an SS record exists, even if the initial report is wholly incorrect it is very difficult to get it removed entirely- clarification can be added, but any initial points stand and therefore any future interactions you have will note this.

OP giving examples is irrelevant anyway as people would just make up their own (worst case scenarios) and run with them anyway. Like it has happened with the two she gave.

So many people giving anecdotes of children pretending to be animals...

that's like recounting your child playing with Lego... every single child does imaginary play...? It's really not that interesting

No, they genuinely thought DC was talking, as they put it, "gobbledygook". Once I explained that DC didn't yet understand that not everyone spoke both their languages and I got DC to speak English to them, it was fine.

DC has since weaponised their language skills and, when they don't want to engage with someone, they just talk at that person in their other language. 👍

You Go dc

Brilliant 😁

Re: young children co sleeping with their dads.

Maybe we should all just get rid of our childrens dads when we've finished having children?

Although I don't know what single dads or gay male couples are supposed to do?

Geat use of their skills! Wish I had that superpower. Actual gobbledygook could have the same effect I suppose.

I'm really troubled by the "offering it on a plate" comment (don't recall who said it). This implies to me that most men are, given the opportunity, quite likely to consider sexually abusing their child. This is not the case. The majority would never.

We should all be vigilant for signs of abuse, but co-sleeping with dad shouldn't in itself be a red flag. (If there are other concerns, then maybe.) My daughter when young slept in parental bed often, including when I was away for work (not even in the house - shock horror!) and I had no concerns at all, because I knew there was nothing to be concerned about.

Except she didn't. She said an animal at first but when another poster mentioned a cat, she agreed that's what animal she meant. Never did she say a dog, but don't let that get in the way of you trying to pick holes in her story 🙄

Agreed. It's like that poster was saying every man is capable, we just have to do our bit by removing temptation.

Disgusting.

I do feel after catching up on this thread that Op has just fallen victim to basically being misinterpreted due to being ND - it’s happened to me I have ASD and adhd and the more Ive read the more I think is the HV just not experienced with this ? I once had a teacher refer me with just this to SS ‘I can’t put my finger on it but something is wrong if that’s not enough to investigate please just log my concern’ I think because I just come across differently! It was investigated I was angry tbh but let them do it and complied knowing there was no danger and after I didn’t complain although I was fuming I just thought il leave it it’s done it’s their job.

The hv should have made you aware of the referral unless it would endanger the children to do so.

They're available for advice, certainly. They don't usually make house calls uninvited past the first year.

Just read through and I just wanted to say thanks for everyone that took the time to share your thoughts. It certainly has offered a spectrum and sadly some posters who I do feel have jumped to conclusions to readily and/or seem to want to pick holes.

The whole experience has been very stressful but I have taken the time to reflect. Its been mentioned a few times about me being ND (undiagnosed but I strongly suspect I am, DH and DS are and starting the diagnosis process with DD). I do think this in part has contributed to the miscommunication but what still leaves me confused it the complete disparity with what the HV said to myself and the conclusions she has come to. Literally in one conversation, along the lines of, its so nice when I come to a happy home whilst complimentingme on the warm atmosphere, and then to get the referral completely blindsided me. Of particular concern is the plain wrong feedback about normal role play - where it was cited in the report that DD cat like behavioir was unusual. This is plain incorrect and as has been shared in tbis thread, aninal role playing is normal for alot of children.

I still stand by the notion that the notion of alwasy best to refer brcause 'just in case' is woefully dangerous. Its a waste of resources, erodes trust between fanilies and SS, causes significant harm, thr list goes
On. This is why safeguardimg training is so vital and part of this imvolvrs being able to discern red flags to 'nornal for that fanily AND no harm bring done whoch could impact the safety of that child'. I have worled im safegurdimg and have witnessed inappropriate referrals and i have also heard those in senior positions make comments like 'npthkng surprisrs me anymore' or 'i dont trust what people say' - this is a clear imdication that at tgis point thry are dangerously ineffective and harmful. I work
In a prpgession where unconditiknal ppsotive regard is cebtral to anyone i work with, so for any HCP to go into a situation with aforememtioned feelkmgs are present, are no longer in the right job.

Apologies for typos. I have a neurological comdition which has slowly startrd to impact my typing.

First two questions for any referral

1. Has consent been given for referral (considers best practice)

And

2.does person know

On both occasions - no. The o ly reason that this can be omitted is if in gaining consent could put child at risk. HV came last week and yet the referral made a week later. As the SW said when she was trying to comfort me - she would not have left the house if she had any indication that our daughter was at harm. She also expressed that what was written down on paper did not coincide with what she saw.

In Wales they do.

Are you completely oblivious to the thousands of malicious reports SS receive? On entirely innocent parents? The "no smoke without fire" quips on SS report threads really are utterly appalling.

Innocent families have had their children removed over malicious allegations like yours, which have been proven as false through family court battles, it's taken these families years to get their children back despite no wrong doing in the first place. The Family Court system is a corrupt joke with their secrecy gag orders placed on families, who cannot speak out about what has happened to them without facing jail for contempt.

You need to open your eyes and stop being so naïve.

If it helps, my AuDHD 10 year old still often pretends to be animals. Cats are a favourite, as are dogs and an imaginary animal he calls [hisname]beast. I don't encourage it as such, but it's quite a therapeutic things for him so I will play along at times. It's very common for autistic kids. It's much less of a daily occurrence than it used to be and I expect it will probably stop in the next year or two.

It's nowhere near the most unusual thing he does 🤣🤣

You could ask for a disability social worker - they are often really helpful.

No one will believe you because people think social services save children. They then end up neglected and abused in the care system ( not all)

Of courses there are fantastic social workers to that probably do out weigh the bad . But the damage the bad social workers do is massive.

Couldn't agree with you more!

I do understand the thread.

The HV was wearing heels and a floral satin-like dress. Not exactly outrageous to wear a summer dress in summer, is it?

Do you need help understanding the thread?

I forgot to add that I got referred to SS when there were issues with my autistic child. Best thing that happened as they helped resolve lots of issues.

There are usually two different teams - was it the child protection team or the disability team the referral was made to? They are totally different types of services.

Thanks for sharing your story.

From what I was told (and from what I can understand).the referral was made to SS but it wasn't a section 47, just concerns raised requiring SS to do there investigations. This is where I'm at now. The SW did say that she had no concerns after talking with us, but would need to do the lateral checks as part of due diligence. She stated that she would not have left DD if she had any doubt for her safety.

Sorry what? I'm literally just talking.