SS visited today

[sotiredandconfused]

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have).

So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

I do get your point, I used to work as a youth mentor with disadvantaged families/ kids and was advised to be mindful of dressing over the top. I suppose she was on a power trip or something. And animal noises might just be normal behaviour but you’re getting her referred to see if there’s anything else going on. Don’t worry. Hope you get actually support soon from your LA or school if your daughter needs it.

Could the HV got you mixed up with another visit and given your details instead? This is alarming. If there is a case she has missed then they need to attend the address immediately

When a dog lives in the house you would expect those things surely?

I think one of mine tried cat biscuits from the bowl pretending they were a cat ( none are autistic btw) but the. Bowl was there for the cats not the child

Given the negative reputation that HV’s seem to have, I wouldn’t make that assumption.

But equally social workers also have a reputation for not doing their job properly and underfunding

My (autistic, pda+adhd) ds10 and his 12 year old (autistic,pda+adhd) are frequently cats.

They run around outside on all fours wearing cat gloves. One wants cat ears, the other wants a scratching post. I guess we encourage it since we bought the gloves to protect his hands from the floor…oh dear.

We are both SW’s!

It’s very common for pda autistic individuals to be far more comfortable in a make believe world than the real world. Their propensity to disappear into pretend characters is one of the differences between a strong pda profile and a more ‘classic’ autism profile.

On the other hand, it’s entirely 100% normal for 4 year olds to play at being animals/firemen/groot/a princess or their teacher!

They even do it in an organised manner at school- utterly shocking that schools encourage children to dress up as sheep and donkeys and say baaa, just because it’s Christmas. They even invite parents to watch, like it’s something to be proud of!

Mine once insisted she was a puppy and demanded I put her plate of food on the floor for her to eat from 😆

I declined and said the puppy would have to eat at the table.

God people are so damn nosy on this website 😂 demanding to know every little detail and if you don't give it they threaten to report the thread.

Op there's a thing called "furrries" it's a weird trend teenagers are doing at the moment kind of similar to transgenders. Maybe she got a bee in her bonnet thinking you were encouraging that.
When I was your daughter's age I seriously wanted to be a rabbit haha it's normal kid behaviour

Answering your question, I relied on friends' sofas (1992-1993) to keep off the streets. It never occurred to me during that time to notice brands or anything else. All I could do was count my blessings and thank those who showed kindness. And btw, I am not ruling out anything - all of us could find ourselves in the street for whatever reason.

When I was a child I also wanted dinner like a cat… my mum solved that one by putting the cats on chairs either side of me with their bowls on the table. I had my dinner like that for a very long time 😂 (luckily I’m an only child and we had an 8 person dining table!).

Did she actually ask about the dog crate and you explained it was the dog's, or did she just see it, say nothing and assume it was for the DC? I'm trying to figure out how this misunderstanding could have happened.

With regards to the outfit... there are reasons children wear school uniform and the main one is so they're all on the same level, to prevent bullying etc. It doesn't take a genius to understand people do form opinions on how others dress and how dressing more casually in this scenario might be less intimidating/more empathetic.

It is- Power takes up entire modules in SW training at least, and I would hope that it does in HV training. There is generally cross over between these types of roles in terms of training.

it’s normal for workers to have ‘work clothes’ and ‘court clothes’ which would be a suit or dress with a jacket, a tie for men (or butch women!) etc, with your work clothes being much more casual.

How you build rapport with service users is absolutely central to all work of this kind- if you can’t do it you can’t do the job effectively-
common sense would tell you look approachable.

If you are a designer bag person and you are working with designer bag people- crack on, but if you want a homeless mother of 5 who can’t feed her baby to feel you can understand her problems, leave the LV at home!

Yes I'm surprised by this too especially as Mumsnet usually loves these types of jobs if it was a criticism of a social worker or teacher people would be clamouring to say they can do no wrong. I had a lovely health visitor when I had my first child because I was under a certain age she did visit until my child was 4. She even took photos at every visit and the last time she visited she gave me a photo album!
There's other reasons they'd visit until that age too like if the child had a disability

I'm a teacher and am regularly surprised at how high the bar is for ss involvement.

The HV knows this too and wouldn't have intentionally wasted their time - she was worried. She may have been overdressed and got some things wrong, from your point of view anyway, but she was worried and so referring was the right thing to do.

I no longer rush to comfort parents who claim ss are interfering or incompetent. I see too much at work. No matter how genuine the involvement, the parents are usually mouthing off about the injustice of it all. I don't think I have ever heard anyone accept that they're negligent, abusive or incompetent parents.

Either there was truth in what she saw, and you are getting defensive, or she made a mistake and it is now resolved.

What does she think a male gay couple would do? I have several friends where the dad has ended up being primary carer through parents choosing/mum working full time and dad not and still co sleep etc. Well realistically be dad main carer here too after the initial few months

Is it possible that they need a certain amount of “these ppl don’t look right” otherwise it looks like they aren’t doing anything? So they just pick a good family and it gets dismissed?
I know it sounds like a conspiracy, but why else? I know they make stuff up sometimes, I’ve seen it with others.

I am an 'actual social worker'.

All I am saying is that your clothes don't determine your ability to relate to people. I have seen people attend court in a smart dress and a jacket.

You have no idea about this woman... yet you prejudge her based on what she looks like.

I moved from part of England to another for DH work - with young baby and toddler and went from having vaguely helpful HV to an awful judgemental one - it seemed that moving was a red flag.

It was overall a social economic area of deprived area but we were married well educated 30 year olds with decent income.

Anything useful like even a GP practice to join didn't know - they turned out to be based at - thankfully a local walk meant we came across a just opening children center and women running that was a lifesaver knew everything and told us.

If I didn't immediately agree with HV there were threats of reporting me to SS. She'd barge in call me stupid ring people on my phone get told same as me and act like I hadn't just said same. I lied about co-sleeping - said we weren't anymore.

Phone Mum in tears she'd had awful HV so she and Dad came over for weigh in and appointments as did DH when he could get time off - to show I had support. Kids were regularly seen by children center staff and GP as one had Eczema.

We complained after I year check done nearer 18 months when as it was cold DS didn't want top off and she actually accused us of hiding abuse. Next checks were done by different service at different location anyway. Had same one for third child she lied about not having our information - told me two neighbour with babies had pnd ( she been disappointed hadn't with second and made me do questionnaire every visit) which I didn't think was professional but that was last I saw of her - though she also complained at age gap we'd chosen for our kids.

Incidentally MW service - where many HV started from - was just as awful - they put me and my third child at risk unnecessarily and we had to complain about that as well - and we aren't complainers usually. Many of the MW had worked just down the road in next area which was later caught in one of the national maternity scandal - where staff attitude and not listening to mothers was cited as one reason for many deaths.

You do get bad HV - though reporting to SS is a huge step - it was just a constant threat with mine.

This.
After my first childwas born I did not let HV enter our home or engage with them appart from one and two year checks at local child centre.

Ones that I met were so incompetent, patronising and plain dumb I could not put up with that. Just useless.
They did not send SS or anything as their service is just that - a service you are free to take or not.

They are nurses. Although I think a lot wear plain clothes.

As a nurse, we have to tell families when we’re going to make a safeguarding referral, unless of course the child would be put in danger.

Mine wanted to do the one year check up when my 3 months premature baby turned one- but she should only have been 9 months and was supposed to be measured as that for her milestones. It was all about pulling up/cruising/walking etc but she was still only 17lbs and still in 3-6 month clothes 🤦🏻‍♀️

From your description of her appearance, it is a very odd choice of outfit. I agree with all those saying that dressing ostentatiously (these days it seems to be mainly around status brands) is inappropriate in HV/SW roles. What she was wearing sounds impractical for interacting with a small child, too.

However, as someone said upthread, when working with older people, reasonably smart and tidy in a muted way is actually more likely to inspire belief in your competence. Changing a bit now as life is less formal, but it's still horses for courses.

You're easily confused aren't you?

OP has explained what happened, given a few examples, felt the outfit was inappropriate, etc.

What more do you want?
Oh, is it the juicy details you need so that you can pick it all to shreds like a vulture?

I would go ahead with the complaint and call and advise your opting out of any further hv calls. What are they going to do? Report you? You’ve got a sw ready to sign off on the hv nonsense story!

In Scotland we have health visitors up to 5 as well so it definitely varies from country to country.

I’ve been on the end of a false sw report and thankfully they seen through the absolute nonsense of it and signed me off within 2 visits. They didn’t have any concerns, they just had to do some paperwork etc.

Try not to stress too much about it, you’ve got the sw on your side now. As for cosleeping with Dad, there are single fathers out there who cosleep! It doesn’t become strange just because Mums there. There were times up to teen years I’d be camping with my Dad, nothing strange or untoward when sharing a tent/air bed.

Hahaha. What a desperate stretch your post is.
Comical and ridiculous.