Page 15 | SS visited today

sotiredandconfused · 2024-08-20T19:07:15+00:00

I recently had a HV come round. She appeared a little rigid and looked like she was attending a wedding but she seemed chatty and reflected back lots of positive things she was seeing. Today I had a SW unexpectantly visit and after she read out everything that the HV had raised, to say I was shocked is an understatement. Both my DH were there and the HV literally fabricated and misrepresented things she saw. The SW was lovely and stated she had no concerns and let me know I could make a complaint (I have). So WTF! I'm still in shock. The HV asked me at the time whether I wanted another visit and I said no, and then SS turn up!

TheCoolOliveBalonz · 21/08/2024 10:21

I think it's good that we have a service designed to catch issues. Our HVs were good, even though we never needed it. The first visit, she checked our sleeping arrangements and was immediately satisfied. She left the bedrooms after a few seconds. I didn't mind them checking as I understand they're looking for situations not like ours. Why wouldn't we support that? They tracked the growth of milestones. We have friends who've never seen a HV as the service in their area collapsed during covid. I'm sure their child should have been referred to a paediatrician long ago. Problems are now becoming more apparent. It should have been picked up by a HV years ago. We're in an awkward situation of wanting to say something but knowing it's not our business. The OPs tone is bizarre and it does come across as there being more going on than she is admitting to.

Petitchat · 21/08/2024 10:26

TheCoolOliveBalonz · 21/08/2024 10:21

I think it's good that we have a service designed to catch issues. Our HVs were good, even though we never needed it. The first visit, she checked our sleeping arrangements and was immediately satisfied. She left the bedrooms after a few seconds. I didn't mind them checking as I understand they're looking for situations not like ours. Why wouldn't we support that? They tracked the growth of milestones. We have friends who've never seen a HV as the service in their area collapsed during covid. I'm sure their child should have been referred to a paediatrician long ago. Problems are now becoming more apparent. It should have been picked up by a HV years ago. We're in an awkward situation of wanting to say something but knowing it's not our business. The OPs tone is bizarre and it does come across as there being more going on than she is admitting to.

The OP'S tone is not at all bizarre if a false report has been made.
Maybe you would find a false report acceptable but most people wouldn't.

lemonmeringueno3 · 21/08/2024 10:27

nosleepforme · 21/08/2024 09:14

Is it possible that they need a certain amount of “these ppl don’t look right” otherwise it looks like they aren’t doing anything? So they just pick a good family and it gets dismissed?
I know it sounds like a conspiracy, but why else? I know they make stuff up sometimes, I’ve seen it with others.

No they certainly do not have to justify their role in any way as they are hugely busy and overstretched.

Imnotbad · 21/08/2024 10:27

Sorry if this has been said but social services are not allowed to turn up unannounced unless your child is On a protection plan.

TheCoolOliveBalonz · 21/08/2024 10:37

@petitchat I am not surprised that someone referred to SS is annoyed about it. I would expect that reaction irrespective of validity or otherwise of issues raised.

Purplebunnie · 21/08/2024 10:43

@sotiredandconfused @Exposingthetruth

Both your experiences are very worrying. What a waste of Social Workers time and what an appalling amount of stress to give to people, due to in one case, a HV prejudice of a sector of the country. Mind blowing

Shoopstoop · 21/08/2024 10:44

takeyourluckwhereyoufindit · 20/08/2024 21:29

This is baffling. What's the correlation between predicted English GCSE grades and pretending to be a cat?

The thread is bonkers.

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Frankly it’s bonkers that you can’t interpret that it means that the former cat child is now doing well, that a cat phase is nothing to worry about? Life must be very hard for you.

Petitchat · 21/08/2024 10:49

TheCoolOliveBalonz · 21/08/2024 10:37

@petitchat I am not surprised that someone referred to SS is annoyed about it. I would expect that reaction irrespective of validity or otherwise of issues raised.

Why are you saying her tone is bizarre then?

Lurkingandlearning · 21/08/2024 10:49

HV sounds so unprofessional could she have actually confused her notes about you with another family’s when she wrote her report?

It must have been such a shock when SS turned up. I’m glad you’ve made a complaint. I hope SS do too for HV wasting their time when they are so stretched

FriendofDorothy · 21/08/2024 10:50

Imnotbad · 21/08/2024 10:27

Sorry if this has been said but social services are not allowed to turn up unannounced unless your child is On a protection plan.

Of course they can!

How else do you think they visit parents/families when concerns have been raised?

Imnotbad · 21/08/2024 10:55

FriendofDorothy · 21/08/2024 10:50

Of course they can!

How else do you think they visit parents/families when concerns have been raised?

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Nope they can't only if there is a child protection plan. They can't just turn up. They make contact first . Then if they need to go further and there's a meeting child gos on a protection plan then they can do unannounced visits .

witsendhelppleaae · 21/08/2024 10:59

SossijRoll · 21/08/2024 09:42

They are nurses. Although I think a lot wear plain clothes.

As a nurse, we have to tell families when we’re going to make a safeguarding referral, unless of course the child would be put in danger.

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ahh i see.

would be better if they stuck to a uniform

MelodyMalone · 21/08/2024 11:01

I used to be a social worker in a GP practice and worked with HVs - they all wore "plain clothes".

Not uniforms and not party dresses 😄

Comedycook · 21/08/2024 11:02

When my baby was about a week old a HV came over....I was a first time mum but actually was finding having a newborn a breeze...I answered the door fully dressed with make up on. I was cheerful, she asked how I was, I said happily "oh I'm fine, a bit tired, obviously" It was a light hearted quip. Are there any women with week old babies who aren't tired?! Anyway I was totally miffed to see she wrote in the red book "mother complained of feeling tired". Aren't all mums tired? I wasn't complaining either. I felt totally judged and was massively irritated by it.

LottieMary · 21/08/2024 11:04

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:02

Adjacent example, my daughter sometimes pretends to be a specific animal. She reported this as abnormal child behaviour (its not) insinuating we encouraged it and even brought a cage for her! We don't encourage ‘it’, we just don't shame it and we certainly haven't brought a cage for her! Its for the dog!

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Oh yeah you’re right, I do know who you are from that example 😂

supersop60 · 21/08/2024 11:14

sotiredandconfused · 20/08/2024 21:02

Adjacent example, my daughter sometimes pretends to be a specific animal. She reported this as abnormal child behaviour (its not) insinuating we encouraged it and even brought a cage for her! We don't encourage ‘it’, we just don't shame it and we certainly haven't brought a cage for her! Its for the dog!

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I have a similar adjacent example. Friend's dd is hyper intelligent and as a 2 yr old was having some sort of developmental assessment. HV asked her to sing a song, so she chose the Cilla Black Rainbow song, except she started mucking around with the words eg Rod and yollop and plonk and blee
HV made a referral for learning and speech difficulties....

Miffylou · 21/08/2024 11:18

Carebearsonmybed · 21/08/2024 07:27

Op you mention a child protection order, why? Thats the extreme end of a dc being removed from the family home by a judge immediately if they are deemed to be at significant risk of harm. It's a very rare measure. Most DCs under SW will never have this.

I'm not really surprised at the referral tbh. There are a few red flags and the ops said there were other issues raised she's not willing to disclose.

-4yo making animal noises- yes this may be fine but it is an indication of a potential developmental problem
-4yo has already been put on the assessment pathway for ASD (disabled dc are more vulnerable)
-both parents are neurodivergent- so they themselves may be more vulnerable and there is not a NT adult in the house. This can also lead to communication difficulties with professionals- as evidenced.

4yo sleeping with dad regularly- it is likely not a problem but groomers often break these kind of boundaries to accustom a victim to increased physical contact in a state of undress.
Mum has a physical health problem which requires sedative medication- this makes Mum more vulnerable and at the points of sedation not in a position to protect DD
Dog in the house that has a cage- this may be due to 'bad' dog behaviour, there may be concerns about the dog biting or dog ness.
The op's comments about clothes, it's quite tangential from the issue at hand
there's a lack of insight from either parent about any concerns- ie do parents really not think a HV or SW would question bed sharing at 4 with dad? That's quite naive and suggests other naivety. Lots of CSA goes under the radar because families aren't on the lookout for potential signs of grooming.
the OP's combative and evasive communication style on this thread. That will not come across well to professionals. There is no compromise or insight anywhere into the above potential issues. Professionals want someone they can work with positively who will listen and take advice. The op isn't coming across as someone who would do this.

I can't see SW taking this further but that doesn't mean there are no issues, cases are often dropped more on a lack of evidence which really isn't very reassuring.

I agree 100%. The fact that the SW decided no further action was needed doesn’t mean the HV was wrong to report her concerns in the first place. The HV reportedly said a lot of positive things too, yet the OP interprets these as something negative and holds it against her. The SW saying the OP could make a formal complaint about the HV was probably in response to the OP's complaining about her.

I appreciate that it wasn’t pleasant for the OP to get a visit from the SW but I think it’s great that we have a system whereby a child's possible problems are quickly picked up and further investigated.

Comedycook · 21/08/2024 11:19

supersop60 · 21/08/2024 11:14

I have a similar adjacent example. Friend's dd is hyper intelligent and as a 2 yr old was having some sort of developmental assessment. HV asked her to sing a song, so she chose the Cilla Black Rainbow song, except she started mucking around with the words eg Rod and yollop and plonk and blee
HV made a referral for learning and speech difficulties....

Show quote history

And at my dds two year check up, the hv totally disregarded my concerns over my dds S&L...just kept asking me if i ever take her out 🙄very very odd questions. In the end I took her to the GP with my concerns who took them seriously

Scirocco · 21/08/2024 11:21

Not a HV but a similar example of "I can't understand what your child is saying - we need to refer to Speech and Language".

DC is bilingual and was speaking (entirely comprehensibly) in their other language.

lillipilli · 21/08/2024 11:31

I couldnt read and run. What a weird thread!

It is not possible at all to understand what has gone on or not. I do not find the OP as a reliable narrator. She said her DD was pretending to be a dog, and then it was a cat...

It did make me slightly sad to see so many negative comments about HVs. Every profession will have people who are not professional or outright not suitable but our experience was only positive. Moreover, we had an incident where our dog had bitten our son, and social services were informed because the skin was broken but neither hospital staff were thinking anything sinister, nor social services ever made contact with us. I will also say that if they ever would want to, we have nothing to hide or worry about. But I understand how frustrating it would feel if a referral was made with no good reason.

Somuchbetternow · 21/08/2024 11:37

DD is 24 now but I can still picture the awful HV sitting in my lounge in a white skirt, frilly blouse, high heels and loads of dangly jewellery ignoring my needs. Her outfit hit me as totally inappropriate so I completely understand OP mentioning her HV outfit.

mommatoone · 21/08/2024 11:55

againtomorrow · 20/08/2024 22:28

i agree that a 4 year old girl should not be left to sleep alone with dad, why does the OP move to a different bed, why can't dad go?

Don't be ridiculous.

Petitchat · 21/08/2024 11:56

Arrivapercy · 21/08/2024 08:25

I do question the relevance of health visits for most families.

Its a baseline approach to ensure no child "slips through the net". The children who are most at risk are the invisible ones, in communities who shun outside agencies, with parents who don't go by baby clinic for a weigh in, don't send them to school, don't register them with a doctor. If you have to offend a few parents to ensure you protect all children from abuse/neglect/trauma/death, i'm ok with that.

What people don't see is the success stories. The hv or social worker who picks up something and it prevents a catastrophe down the line.

My friend had an age 2 HV check. The HV spotted a slightly odd, seemingly mild health/physical thing and gently prompted my friend to get DC seen. Turned out to require serious emergency surgery - that HV probably saved her DC life.

if you have to offend a few parents to ensure you protect all children

She made false reports??

EI12 · 21/08/2024 11:57

Carebearsonmybed · 21/08/2024 07:27

Op you mention a child protection order, why? Thats the extreme end of a dc being removed from the family home by a judge immediately if they are deemed to be at significant risk of harm. It's a very rare measure. Most DCs under SW will never have this.

I'm not really surprised at the referral tbh. There are a few red flags and the ops said there were other issues raised she's not willing to disclose.

-4yo making animal noises- yes this may be fine but it is an indication of a potential developmental problem
-4yo has already been put on the assessment pathway for ASD (disabled dc are more vulnerable)
-both parents are neurodivergent- so they themselves may be more vulnerable and there is not a NT adult in the house. This can also lead to communication difficulties with professionals- as evidenced.

4yo sleeping with dad regularly- it is likely not a problem but groomers often break these kind of boundaries to accustom a victim to increased physical contact in a state of undress.
Mum has a physical health problem which requires sedative medication- this makes Mum more vulnerable and at the points of sedation not in a position to protect DD
Dog in the house that has a cage- this may be due to 'bad' dog behaviour, there may be concerns about the dog biting or dog ness.
The op's comments about clothes, it's quite tangential from the issue at hand
there's a lack of insight from either parent about any concerns- ie do parents really not think a HV or SW would question bed sharing at 4 with dad? That's quite naive and suggests other naivety. Lots of CSA goes under the radar because families aren't on the lookout for potential signs of grooming.
the OP's combative and evasive communication style on this thread. That will not come across well to professionals. There is no compromise or insight anywhere into the above potential issues. Professionals want someone they can work with positively who will listen and take advice. The op isn't coming across as someone who would do this.

I can't see SW taking this further but that doesn't mean there are no issues, cases are often dropped more on a lack of evidence which really isn't very reassuring.

Bravo! Spot on!

Uguberry · 21/08/2024 12:03

Scirocco · 21/08/2024 11:21

Not a HV but a similar example of "I can't understand what your child is saying - we need to refer to Speech and Language".

DC is bilingual and was speaking (entirely comprehensibly) in their other language.

Sorry, I'm sure it was frustrating at the time but this really made me laugh! Maybe it was a case of them having no choice but to tick the box since they couldn't understand what was being said, rather than not realising it was another (real) language, or couldn't verify it was the correct grammar etc.