To be sad about never having grandkids

[Jjiillkkf]

Aibu reasonable to find it sad that none of my children will have any of their own?

Yep, there's too many variables for this kind of generalisation to hold water.

I just want them to be happy. If they go on to have their own children then that would be lovely, but it's their own happiness I'm focused on, not their ability to produce grandchildren.

That sums it up for me as well @JudyJudeplusOne. If DD is happy then so am I.

This is actually really sad. I'm sorry OP.

My only DS says he doesn't want kids, although he's only 16 so plenty of time to change his mind.

I won't be bothered if he doesn't have them though. I had him when I was young so I plan to do a lot of travelling and holidays in the upcoming years, I won't be thinking about grandchildren!

Not really the point of the thread but this comment leaped out at me. I couldn't disagree more. Life is supposed to be as easy and enjoyable as possible. It's OK to reject a life that makes you unhappy.

Jesus, calm yourself down. The woman is just having a bit of a vent. She’s said she respects the boundaries and doesn’t say these things to her children.

This topic has been brought up my MIL on many spread out occassions and not about sadness which is fine, but trying to convince me and I just get angrier because it is my body and our life (me and DP). People shouldn't have children so that someone can experience being a grandparent. Maybe you could look into fostering or other services to fulfill your life that entails supporting children in a different way? Community volunteering etc.

No one, including OP, has suggested anyone should have children to enable someone to be a grandparent. How have you extrapolated that from this thread?

OP just expressed a feeling of sadness that she keeps private in real life, particularly from her children. People are allowed to have feelings.

Your own situation as described is exactly the opposite of the OP.

I've literally stated 'not about sadness which is fine' - I was just sharing an experience from the other side of view. Conversations starting from sharing sadness with those DS and DD can soon turn to pressure. I don't think they are being unreasonable, I just shared my experience and opinion because I find this helpful when I don't know if I am umreasonable.

My mother wasn’t fussed about having grandchildren, I think she would have been happier without children either. Not that she didn’t love us but motherhood did not seem to make her very happy. When I was thinking about having children she talked about the downsides, I think she genuinely thought I would have a nicer easier life without children. It didn’t put me off but in the event I wasn’t able to have any. She did eventually become a grandmother courtesy of DB but by that time she was 85, too old to be an active grandparent and losing her mental faculties as well.

I’m approaching 40 with a 20,16&11 year old. As it stand now, my 2 older ones are adamant they don’t want children.
I see it isn’t my right to insist they do.
I saw my paternal aunt and uncle only have 1 child to please my grandmother who put an immense amount of pressure on them. Otherwise they were a let down. That wasn’t a pleasant childhood for him or life in general for my family.

I want my children happy - with or without children - it’s their life to live. Not mine to insist on grand babies.

I have four children, one DD is nearly 50, mental health problems, she did not have children because of the medication that she takes.
One son, mid-40's, awkward and seems unlucky in love. He loves children but unlikely to have any.
One son has followd the conventional route and had two DD. I suspect that it was my DIL who wanted children, if the decision had been left to him it might well not have happened.
One daughter who was unable to have children but has adopted.
I feel immensely grateful that I do have grandchildren but only one of my four has "natural" children and so many people do end up childless because they leave it too late. If either of those who do have DC had chosen not to go down that route it would not have been anything to do with me and I would have accepted that it was their choice.

I have two but I am estranged from their parents, not my choice. Having them but not being able to see them makes me beyond sad.

Mine says she will adopt which is pretty much how she came along. She says we have a history of adoption since I was too.

I don't mind if there are no grandchildren.

I don't have grand children and I'm not sad about it. Well, not most of the time. When I see wee babies I have a pang of longing but it passes.
I would feel sad if I thought my son wanted children and was unhappy that he didn't have any. But as far as I am aware he is OK with being childless.

As a stepchild of an otherwise childless man (who passed away recently), I feel immensely saddened by this comment. My children have lost their Grandpa. The fact that they had no biological relationship with him made absolutely no difference to their relationship.

I know that I will never have grandchildren. I feel immense sadness about it. I will never tell my kids that, but I think I am entitled to feel that way. We can't help how we feel, and that applies to lots of situations. I don't feel this situation is any different.

It’s perfectly normal to feel sad at the thought of not having something you were looking forward to in life, whether that's grandchildren, a career in musical theatre or retiring to Provence. People have different wishes in life.

Why on earth is everyone assuming the OP is going to pressure her dc, or that she thinks everyone should have children?

I totally understand your sadness at the thought of not having biological grandchildren, the feelings that this ends the line…many people feel instinctively strongly about continuity of a their blood line…about passing their genes…(it’s a form of immortality.. part of us continues to live after we are gone..). I understand that this is a need which is beyond a need to be around small children or just having a role of a GP…it’s a different need… (and sure, one can be an amazing grandparent to amazing grandchildren of adopted or step children etc.. .. which can be super fulfilling and joyous…but not everyone is for adoption , just like not everyone is for biological parenthood..).
personally, I share this need… I have one daughter in mid 20’s …successful and living her best life… and while it’s too early for her to have or decide about children at this point of her life, I see nothing wrong with sharing with her that I would absolutely love her to have children when she is ready…(also because she is a lone child and I would love her to have her tribe when I’m gone, and most of all, I would hate her to regret or miss on the joys of the motherhood journey..)…. I don’t see an issue with being open about how i personally feel about it, and hope she can also be open about her feelings about this … as they develop, change and evolve…I feel this is a healthy thing , rather than pressure…in the end …wouldn’t you prefer to have known how your loved ones feel about things that matter to them , rather than make them feel they aren’t allowed to be open, or to have those feelings …?! In the end, whether they do or don’t, for any reason, is always a possibility, and something that everyone has to accept, accept and make the most of what is there …… life is a journey, it just doesn’t play out according to our plans and wishes, and there are so many ways to love a fulfilling life and find joy…

I’m not looking forward to having grandchildren as I brought 3 up with no real help from anyone (their dad always working) I had my first at 22 and the youngest at 40, it’s a long time to be responsible for kids and I don’t want to be dumped with them anymore.

YANBU 🩷 I have 2 children with severe autism and learning disability so I know I’ll never have grandchildren which makes me feel kind of sad 😢 but I have my children with me and that’s the most important part and beautiful thing 🩷💙

My daughters don’t want children and my son may or may not but I’m happy if they’re happy. I’m not fond of many children tbh. obviously I’d adore their children although (because?) I wouldn’t be a full on/doing all the babysitting kind of granny.
But. I would be rather sad if my genetic line which has successfully reproduced and survived since the dawn of life were to die out with my children. I’d feel that I’d failed a bit.

Yanbu to feel that way at all. My dd are only 10 and 12 but when they talk about having babies I know how how excited I’d be and that I’d want to be part of their lives. Of course we don’t know how things will play out at all. I hope my dd will be happy with their paths whatever they choose.

my parents never put me under any pressure about having kids and I was always very grateful for that. I didn’t think I wanted kids in my 20s, met Dh late and was 35 before we had dd1. I knew my parents would love to be gp but I’m glad they didn’t try to persuade me in any way.

OP, I totally get it. I am in the opposite situation. I have two very lovely spirited boys (3 and 5) and they don’t have grandparents. (They have one grandmother but she is very unwell and has been for some time). I wish things were different.
They are hard work but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I think it’s lovely that you want to volunteer at a playgroup. :)