secretive about "good" A level grades to family.

[wheresmymillionaire]

Genuine question, and I'm happy to be told I'm being nosy if necessary!
Is it normal to not share exam grades with family? We are a small family with one niece. Apparently DN was happy with her recent A level results as she passed them all, and my sister put on FB a pic of them out celebrating the results and how proud they were etc. I gave DN some money to say well done, but neither DN nor DS are prepared to say what grades she got. I just find this odd. What's the big deal? Why can't I know what grades she got and be proud of her?

My DC got between them a full mix of A* to E's so I'm not going to be judgmental!

My cousin didn’t share her a-level results a few years back. My aunt and uncle just said the same ‘happy with her results’. She went to Oxford uni so they just have been good.

Lots of things were different years ago.
There's generally a reason for why they changed.

You know she’s happy - why have you made this all about you?

you can celebrate her and be proud of her without having to know every detail.

You have taken this personally - a slight on your character.

consider this a test for you - can you respect this young ladies boundaries and not make her A level results about your feelings, and your wants, needs and expectations?

When I passed my driving test I commonly got asked 'was it first time?' like why would that matter?

1st, 2nd or 23rd time the result was still exactly the same, now I can legally drive.

Someone could have 5x 1 hour driving lessons then take their test and fail then have another 5 lessons then pass the 2nd time vs. someone having 100x 1 hour driving lessons then pass 1st time.

Its interesting because people seem to act like a first time pass makes you a better driver but it doesn't, my brother passed his practical test first time but failed his theory (the knowledge bit about actual road safety) multiple times yet no one ever asks about that.

If she got an A* or D does it even matter, I'm sure it will serve its purpose as a step to the next level of education so its doing the same job regardless just as a driver can now drive regardless.

Because she might have got lower than she anticipated, but still enough to secure a place at uni or whatever she plans to do next.

Suspect it's this - we've had muted response from DGP when results have been lower than expected/predicted even if they've still been good - so every if you aren't like that OP others may be.

I would find it really weird to hide this.

DD2 did her GCSEs this year. She was upset at the weekend because we were at a family barbeque and everyone said oh let us know your results on Thursday. ILs are just as bad.
She hasn't decided if she wants to tell people yet. I just told her not to worry about it and she could decide later.
It's really nothing to do with you. Just be happy that she's happy.

@Hoppinggreen because it would cause lots of drama and damage the relationship. I do love dm but I'll see what she gets and make a call then. To be honest, dm doesn't understand the numbers anyway. If I tell her then I'll be very firm, dd1 worked bloody hard and I'm super proud of the young lady she is.

By 18 .. I wouldn’t tell anyone . It’s not my information to share .

its her decision who to share and not share with

But what about respecting the person whose results are. Being shared wishes? What if that one person doesn’t want to share?

families don’t think as one unit. It’s important to teach young people they can have reasonable boundaries and those boundaries will be respected.

if someone in my family didn’t want their results discussed we would all respect that. Indeed we did with 11 plus results. So much pressure. We baked the child’s wishes over our curiosity

Good post. Good explanation of all angles.

But it's such a shame you're parents make people feel that way.

Both of mine were teachers. Dad maths and mum primary.

They always had a good laugh about what O levels they did and didn't pass and were totally accepting of any grade. Maybe because they understood grades don't equate to effort?

DD did better than all of her friends and I think it is unfair to rub people's noses in it, so I just put a general well done on my socials.

Why? Do you share your salary with your family?

some people think of their results as very personal. They have their own personal motions around them.

whh is it weird that people are different to you?

Maybe it's me just wanting to feel closer as a family.

How do you think that would happen? I don't know what A Level grades my husband or parents got, and I'm pretty sure it wouldn't bring me closer to them if they told me. I didn't feel closer to my own kids when they told me their results - why would I?

It's not a family event, it's her academic record. You couldn't add anything to her life by knowing the details.

This completely. It's totally the DCs choice to share or not share, for crying out loud.

Well obviously results wouldn't be shared if the individual concerned didn't want them to.

And it's only between close family, not friends, acquaintances and definitely not on social media.

As you can tell from just this thread, not everyone sees things the way you do. Everyone decides for themselves what they want to do. You have no more right to this information than they have to keep it private. And frankly it’s people wanting to know that make me not want to tell.

How on earth does it make you any closer knowing her results? You seriously need to get a grip.

My DC's exam results were one of the nails in the coffin of my relationship with my mother.
She thinks anything less than all 9s (GCSE) or A stars (A Level) is "very poor" and "dreadful".
My DC didn't get these results and it was seeing her inability to be happy for them because they hadn't met her impossible standard that tipped me over the edge. (She knows their GCSE results but not their A Levels after her reaction to GCSE).

It is not unreasonable to impose a boundary that your mother not be told your DD's results but purely that she worked hard and you are very proud.

I think it’s nice not to say the actual grade.

I got AAA, my twin got AAA and my younger sister got A*AB (one of our parents is Indian and put a lot of pressure on us). Family expected to hear the actual individual breakdowns which imo is not necessary. Exams are a very personal thing.

You could just be pleased for your DN and leave it at that? Loads of friends shared their DCs grades on social media. I don't share much anyway and would never share anything like this anyway, partly because it's braggy and partly because it's not my news to share. I got an 'aw I saw you didn't share anything on FB, did DD not do as well as she hoped?' message from someone and was a bit gobsmacked. I replied with 'yep, she did great and got into her first choice uni thanks'. I then got a 'Grades???' response. Like I was going to respond to that. 😂

Ah, pull the other one. 😂Just be happy for her and stop being nosy.

Same here. None of the DGPs have a clue about the new numbers as DS1 and DNs did GCSEs in the days of letter grades. DS2 seems confident but if he’s disappointed on Thursday and doesn’t want exact results divulging, then I will be fending off any enquiries and reiterating how proud we are of him.

We keep it secret. Have found that people only want to know to be nosy and compare with their own children’s results.
I have one SIL who has been boasting about her wonder kid’s performance for their whole life. They are only happy if their kid is better than ours. We prefer to step out of the competition and keep our results private.

Well done to your sister for keeping it to herself.

Its absolutely none of your business unless you are able to help her secure a place in her chosen uni which I very much doubt.

I intend to do the same with my children.

DS is incredibly intrusive and other family members have not shared their kid's results with her which infuriates her. She doesn't have the self awareness to reflect why they didn't share details and has done her best to find out by asking various people.