secretive about "good" A level grades to family.

[wheresmymillionaire]

Genuine question, and I'm happy to be told I'm being nosy if necessary!
Is it normal to not share exam grades with family? We are a small family with one niece. Apparently DN was happy with her recent A level results as she passed them all, and my sister put on FB a pic of them out celebrating the results and how proud they were etc. I gave DN some money to say well done, but neither DN nor DS are prepared to say what grades she got. I just find this odd. What's the big deal? Why can't I know what grades she got and be proud of her?

My DC got between them a full mix of A* to E's so I'm not going to be judgmental!

We only told grandparents and aunts and uncles.

No one else needs to know the details - she did v well and didn't want to boast.

Think it's fairly common to just say you're proud and they're doing X next - the results are pretty irrelevant once they've been achieved anyway?

Had one friend whose dd is off to Oxford whose text on results day was "Mixed feelings - Three A* and one A but the A was in her favourite subject 😞) - which IMO is a really bad look

It does seem a bit odd to post on social media about the celebration but then be secretive about the grades. I do understand not telling all and sundry the results but why invite questions with a post?

You can be pleased for them that they got what they needed without specific grades, can't you?

The grades are really just a means by which they get into university; never again in life will someone split hairs between who got an A* and who got and A in Geography.

So if they're saying they got what they needed and are delighted with their uni option, YAY! Have a pint on me, kid, and congratulations! How the grades came out is pretty much irrelevant.

If friends or family are likely to have grades noticeably higher or lower, there's lots of potential for hurt feelings so no need to mention them.

I would problem keep grades to myself if family members are judgmental or competitive

My son didn’t want people to know. I just said ‘he got the results he needed’, when I was pushed. Yes he did pass, but wanted to keep the results secret.

It never crossed my mind to ask my DSis what grades my DN got. I was told that she passed but didn't get what she needed for her Uni course. I got her a present and card to say well done.

My older DN, I was told she had passed and got accepted for her first choice at Uni. Again it never crossed my mind to ask what her grades were. I got her a card and a present to say well done.

I don't see it as any of my business and if they had wanted to share that info then they would have.

I'm still proud of both of them!

Surely that's up to the niece? It is her personal information. She might not want it shared.

I don't understand the "need to know" about stuff that doesn't matter to anyone other than the person concerned.

I think only competitive parents like to announce their DC's grades.

Blimey, it wouldn't occur to me to dig for that info- why do I need to know this? its up to them if they want to divulge that info isnt it?

My son is doing very well at school and is likely to get As and is the type to ask me not to share as it looks braggy (and a couple of his friends arent doing so well) so I wont. It's entirely his choice if he wants to share his results or not and I couldnt give a rats ass if someone else cant handle that- thats their issue not mine.

My neices didn't share because grandparents did a lot of comparing with other grandchildren and my sister and neices had had enough of that over the years. In fact my neices did very well and were able to go to their chosen (very good) university and that's all that mattered.

It is often family dynamics that stop people sharing, why would young people want to be judged and discussed ?

Also as soon as you get to uni, A level result are totally irrelevant and no one cares, they are simply a means to the end of further education.

I think it’s up to the person who achieved the grades. If she is happy with her grades and celebrating her achievement this is fabulous. What the actual ‘letters’ were is irrelevant.

My siblings and I don’t share exact grades, just that (thankfully) it’s what they wanted/needed. Frankly, any more detail is unnecessary.

This is weird, my instant reaction for family would be to say, "That's great she did well, what did she get?". You're maybe not really a close family?

She got good enough grades to get into her chosen university - that's definitely something to be proud of. No further information needed.

We pick up GCSEs on Thursday. I won’t be sharing results for several reasons.

1. ds is dyslexic and while we’re expecting some passes he’s not a grade 9 student.
2. other people’s children will have done differently and I want ds’s achievements to stand alone and not be compared to others.

results are always compared even if it’s my next door neighbours mother in laws niece got all grade 9’s

my social media will be awash 🙄

The worst thing about not doing as well as you wanted (exams, job interviews etc) is how crap it feels to tell people. I don't blame them for not wanting to do that.

Hmm yeh I agree with most - this is not something I would personally probe to find out.

I told close (teacher) colleagues what one of my DC gained as they did less well than hoped and I knew pals would be supportive and positive. Also they knew my DC well. My other A level DC got what they needed to go where they wanted so IIRC I just shared that.

Sometimes ppl do less well than hoped and don't want to shout about that - or the converse. I recall asking a former colleague whose DD I knew pretty well how she had done - he said "well mostly she is saying 'I did very well thanks' but she says it's OK to tell you [a former teacher] that she actually gained all 9s."

I would leave it OP. Be happy for her.

With DD we decided it was her choice whether to share her grades for both GCSE and A levels. If asked I said she had done well (she had) but the actual grades were hers to share - or not.
I also told her that she had the absolute right to not tell anyone her grades if that was her choice. MIL was very miffed when I refused to tell her DDs grades and DD wouldn't either, its nobodys business

But why do you need to know the specifics @wheresmymillionaire?

If your DN is happy then that's the main thing surely? Sounds to me like she asked her Mum not to share the marks with people and that's her prerogative really isn't it?

it is weird but you know what- these things get built up SO much. I’d just let it go.

All I care about is if the young person is happy with their results and if it means they can move onto what they wanted to. The actual grades don’t matter and I don’t see why anyone else needs to know other than out of noseyness

Why do you "have to"?

The fact you need to know probably answers the question of why they don't want to share.

I think it will be to avoid comparisons too. My niece got a good set of gcses and then my son got a slightly better set 2 years later. I was really shocked that grandparents and other aunts/uncles pointed this out! They are individuals not in competition.

I have another child who won't doing gcses at all and id be gutted to think everyone was gossiping about his qualifications not being as good as others.

I was not surprised niece didn't announce her a level results and I certain will suggest my son doesn't either.

It's a shame if young people think sharing their grades with their aunties etc would be regarded as oneupmanship.