To think that they had no self-awareness? (It's a child-free wedding one)

[Daisyoopsies]

One of my close relatives got married last year. It was child free but I was breastfeeding. I asked him if husband could bring baby to venue car park so I could breastfeed and then take baby away again during the day (it was in the middle of no-where) so that I could still attend and he said no because it was unfair on other guests. Fair enough. We decided to decline.

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Do people have no self-awareness? Do people just not care about things until it affects them?

@piccolorhinoceros for reference no, that isn't what I meant.
Unrealistic expectations, people invite family & friends and naturally with that combination comes kids.
Bride & Grooms getting face on or bitching about someone because they paid for said guest but now said guest can't attend because childcare plans have fallen through and it's too late to get a refund on that person or they are unable to get a replacement person etc. Yet they are the ones limiting who can actually attend.
People can have child free weddings of course but they should expect attending guests to be limited.

Maybe that was why they let the OP refuse to bring the baby. They didn't want the baby in the venue, but they knew they would look pretty heartless if the OP told any of the guests "I have to pop out now to the car park to breastfeed the baby, my husband's just arrived with her..."

Jesus. This is an appalling thing to say. You may have had crazy things said to you by non-parents, but you've just said an incredibly rude thing TO non-parents. Just because you and your friends can't see beyond your immediate sphere of experience doesn't mean the rest of us are so limited. And plenty of childfree people are carers for elderly relatives etc, some are incredibly selfless.

This is utterly insane. Plenty of people without children think of others before themselves. And if you never did thought of others until you had children, something is wrong with you. And there are millions of painfully selfish parents out there.

How patronising is that? We who have bred are the special ones, all other women are idiots!

I don't have children but can empathise with and make allowances for those who do. I'm often made responsible for looking after many people as I'm the one with 'all that free time as you don't have children' - that's the sort of crap I have to push back on.

Oh piss off. I've only been a parent for 10 weeks but I wasn't a completely ignorant brainless narc before then. If people are make stupid remarks it's because they're stupid, not because they don't have children.

The only thing I now look back on and think 'eek' is staying with a friend abroad when they had a 3 month old. I must have been even more of an imposition than I thought at the time, but in my defence they had invited me, I didn't just turn up.

I do understand child free weddings and do totally support them. HOWEVER we were invited to a child free wedding of a very close relative when dd was 1.5 years old, all family invited so not an option for a baby sitter.

When we relayed this information we got very kind suggestions of swapping nursery days (leaving us without childcare on another day) and having a babysitter pick dd up and keep overnight, leaving her with a friend of another relative (registered child minder but we had no met her so did not feel comfortable, i was even asked how DHs family felt that we didn't trust them to have DD overnight.

We thought we had found a good compromise by hiring a nanny for the afternoon and night until who would be at the venue with dd in our room and out of site all day and night. This was not good enough they did not want her at the venue at all. At this point i lost my shit and if it was not for it upsetting another close relative so much if we did not attend I would not have gone and only went to keep the peace. The day of the wedding all was fine and then we found out bride had asked the nanny not to take dd outside the venue whilst we were inside as she shouldn't have even been there. At breakfast the next morning we did take DD with us (breakfast was for close family only) and bride just completely ignored DD. I was absolutely livid at this and so upset, I do have to say the relationship will not be the same.

As i said i completely support child free weddings but absolutely draw the line about being told what i should do with her!

Have you actually listened to yourself? You clearly have zero self awareness or have deliberately wrote a goady response. 'Never had to think of anyone else so can't see beyond themselves'. You quite obviously cannot see beyond yourself and that it reflected in your ignorant attitude towards non parents.

Can't edit my previous post to correct my appaling spelling!!

I think people who write comments this ignorant (and refer to other people as 'breeds') are the more clueless (and selfish, ignorant, and batshit) ones, personally.

You really think that people who care for disabled or elderly relatives, work in caring professions, who have ever been in a romantic relationship or friendship, who volunteer, who campaign for better conditions and rights for others, have 'never had to think of anyone else?' If anything you could argue that people who do any of the above are less selfish than those who 'only' have kids, as they voluntarily choose to care about others rather than just selfishly focussing on their immediate family unit.

That really says more about you, if before dropping a sprog you only thought of your own wellbeing, perhaps you selfish, but that was a you problem, not typical of the rest of the population!

Hilarious they got told to leave, after they policed you using a car park to breastfeed.

2 examples of how weddings have got out of control. It seems having an Insta moment is more important than almost anything.

On the one hand its within your right to dictate what you want at your wedding. At what point does that become an unreasonable narcissistic choice - where babies are fed in car parks and people are ‘thrown out’. Just wow.

You don't know 100% why they had a child free wedding we have friends who will never be able to have children without intervention and didn't want reminding of it on their day. So we left DS at home.

We had kids including DS at our wedding so it was anything but child free, however I am not in the omg breastfeeding group of woman. If little one can be left with DH then express or use formula. The fact mam can't be away from baby in the modern world is one of the big reasons we need to be pro formula even as a mixed feeding approach. Luckily our friends are equally balance minded.

That happened in my extended family. The couple with the baby were told their tube fed baby wasn't allowed at all. But only after said couple paid for supplies to painstakingly hand make some wedding fripperies. A few years later the bride, now divorced lost her shit when invited to a child free wedding when the 7yo could easily have gone to her dad's that night or her other granny who always took her.

Personally I love kids at weddings. We had a family only one but all kids came. There's something adorable about kids at weddings for me. Seeing them dance with mum and dad or little ones being flaked out asleep in a booth down the back with dad's suit jacket tucked around them is so sweet.

I couldn’t agree more!

Lucky for me my friends are starting on their parenthood journey and the struggles are becoming real for them too.

Even before I had my DC I could understand why childfree weddings might be a problem. Growing up my own parents didn't have on tap childcare, our grandparents would look after us for the odd evening out but nothing else. Obviously if your only babysitters are wedding guests too you won't have anyone. You don't need to have had kids to understand that.

Some babies refuse formula, some babies have alergies, some babies refuse a bottle full stop. Just give formula really isn’t so black and white….
one pp got it right - when does it stop being your wedding your choice and start being mean cruel and narcissistic, alienating close family from a special day for the insta wedding. You want an exclusive wedding, you need to be ok that it excludes people

The pair of you sound like you must be absolutely insufferable in real life 😂.

I’ll never quite get this air of martyrdom about getting something that, presumably, you always wanted. As PP have said, if you were terribly selfish pre-kids, that’s on you, and not on your friends who are probably expected to bend backwards to accommodate you.

I would have had to have said

"you wouldn't let me feed my baby in the car park never mind come to the wedding "

Or "wedding s can really show the worst side of people "

Really?? You think generally people are so lacking in common sense and empathy that they can't see a heavily pregnant woman may feel uncomfortable or that a young breastfed baby would need to be near their mum at all times?? Thats bloody scary .

You are thick aswell

They both sound like they have little intelligence to be honest.

Don't they!!

Such unbelievable tales of inconsiderate behaviour from others; with some made even more so when the story teller goes to lengths to explain how thoughtful they are.

Wild!!

I don't have kids and understand not wanting children at your wedding. What I don't understand is if you make that decision then you can't be annoyed at people who have kids who can't come. You can't have it both ways.
My sister also doesn't have kids but can be a bit funny about people basically prioritising their kids.
Some people get a bit weird about their weddings though. Like getting annoyed at wedding party getting pregnant before hand and things.
Their child might not be important to you but they are that person's whole world a lot of the time.