To think that they had no self-awareness? (It's a child-free wedding one)

[Daisyoopsies]

One of my close relatives got married last year. It was child free but I was breastfeeding. I asked him if husband could bring baby to venue car park so I could breastfeed and then take baby away again during the day (it was in the middle of no-where) so that I could still attend and he said no because it was unfair on other guests. Fair enough. We decided to decline.

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Do people have no self-awareness? Do people just not care about things until it affects them?

Please point out the hypocrisy if you haven't already.

In her hi-vis wedding dress! 🤣🤣

If you have the opportunity I'd say 'Well you were also in the same position last year with your child free wedding and I couldn't breast feed my child in the car park, so they are just in the same mindset you were in last year!'

@JabbaTheBeachHut I love this!!!

I actually only asked because I had initially declined and then he asked if I could find childcare so I could come. I said no but me and husband had been discussing the possibility of feeding in car park so I could still go and so I mentioned this to the groom in our conversation and he said no because it'd be unfair if any other parents saw this and thought I was getting special treatment (?!?!) so I left it. Honestly... I think if other parents had seen a mum breastfeeding a baby in the back of a car at a wedding they would have more than understood...)

I didn't say anything but my mum was with me when they were telling us the story (we weren't at the wedding they went to, they were telling us about it afterwards, seemingly having forgotten what they did to us a year ago!) and my mum just said "what goes around comes around then" (she's much braver than me!) and they changed topic VERY quickly.

It's very passive aggressive but the way I got my own back was to politely decline when they asked if I wanted to hold the baby... it's not the baby's fault, I was just angry in the moment and was just thinking "I'm not going to literally physically support your baby when you wouldn't support us when we were in the trenches..."

Strangely now I'm no longer annoyed at them for not letting me go last year, I think I they've probably understood my frustration now!

It's so tricky though as until you have gone through pregnancy and birth you simply don't understand.

I remember being annoyed at a heavily pregnant friend (not to her face, just a bit grumbly behind her back) who couldn't come to a special event I was having because she was too uncomfortable.

It wasn't until I was in the same position several years later that I understood how tough pregnancy can be.

The fact that they were asked to leave would seem to suggest that it wasn’t !!

@distinctpossibility I don't think this is spoken about enough. I was the same and while my best friend has been absolutely brilliant and patient and giving with both time and flexibility, I have some friends who 100% did not get it until they themselves had kids. One even apologised to me recently because when my daughter was a few months old she asked me to leave my baby at home for her bridal shower. I agreed and went but it was only a two hour afternoon tea at a local place so it wasn't a big deal. A year later once she had her baby she out of the blue apologised to me for not letting me bring my baby as she was now struggling with people inviting her to things which she could technically bring her baby to (by which I mean a meal out or a coffee with a group of friends) If it wasn't for the fact that the person inviting her had specifically asked her not to bring her baby. It was actually really nice to get a very unexpected apology (although to be honest it hadn't been too much faff to begin with... it had just been quite anxiety-inducing. I think I she was definitely projecting)

This and the op are a case of ‘own medicine’ me thinks….
flame away but while I totally understand not wanting toddlers at a wedding excluding a breastfed baby who won’t cost a ‘space’, will most likely sleep through it and therefore banning close family from attending is mean and plain silly

Maybe the baby was crying and they didn't have the brain cells to take the baby out so needed to be told?

the way I got my own back was to politely decline when they asked if I wanted to hold the baby
Why are you still friends with these people? You clearly still hold resentment about the situation.

We were invited to a child free wedding. DH went, I didn’t because we have a child with SEN and couldn’t arrange suitable childcare. DH reported back that there were plenty of children at the wedding… can’t think why it was ours that were excluded. I am obviously no longer friends with these people.

Life’s too short for this talk of ‘getting your own back’.

Anyway I love kids at weddings. People take themselves way too seriously.

very unfair serves them right i think kids add to a wedding i love to see them doing their little dances etc and if they are part of the wedding they look so cute in dresses and suits. you can always take a baby crying out of church or whatever no they are non parents but they soon learn

I will never understand any of this. Thinking anyone has the authority to dictate what you do in a CAR PARK, refusing to hold a baby as a tit for tat on the parents, asking wedding guests to LEAVE (Dear God. Presumably people invite guests who mean something to them?) because they brought their baby. Everything is nuts, all of you.

It's so tricky though as until you have gone through pregnancy and birth you simply don't understand.

No, SOME people don't understand, but most people understand that very young babies need their parents (especially Mother if they are BF).

Maybe I'm just lucky or have wise friends, but there has never been any issues with babies/not babies.

People without children genuinely have no idea.

Some people have no idea, full stop. You get self-absorbed people who have kids and self-absorbed people who don't. I find it infuriating to be lumped in with the selfish because I don't have children, despite being generally thoughtful and accommodating.

I’m more appalled that they said you couldn’t leave the wedding to go to the car park?! I would have just done that regardless.

Agreed! I'm childfree, not stupid!

Ironically, it tends to be women who later go on to have children who are the perpetrators in these situations.

I understand people not really understanding the reality of having a baby until they have one. Now I roll my eyes a bit at suggestions that the parents of young children, especially exclusively breastfed babies, could "just get a babysitter" for social occasions, but to be fair, until I had my own I didn't really appreciate that it isn't quite that simple. But once I did have my own I a)felt really embarrassed about any occasions when I might have made things awkward for friends with babies in the past and b)realised that friends without children still wouldn't "get it" and hence didn't try to insert my children into their lives unless invited to do so. Sounds like the OP's friends haven't grasped either of those things.
However, even in at the most child unfriendly stage of my life I can't imagine I would have failed to appreciate that a friend being prepared to come to my wedding and have their DH keep the baby in the carpark was going the extra mile and I find it a bit bizarre that the B&G said no. If they think that "allowing" someone to feed their own baby in their own car is giving them some kind of special treatment then I'd hate to see how they treat people that they don't like!
Is this a relationship you really want to maintain OP? If so, you probably have to let it go as what's done is done, but if this reflects their general approach to other people I might be inclined to let the friendship fizzle out.

One thing about this that I find hard to accept is the hosts of the event not considering their guests needs. Yes, lots of children who are old enough to need meals are expensive and I can understand when limits are put on , particularly if everyone lives nearby, but babes in arms cost nothing and it helps their parents if they are welcomed.

Reminds me of a wedding I went to. I was the plus one, it was his colleague's wedding. There were a couple of children there, but the 2 bridesmaids were her adult sisters.
Another colleague turned up with her little girl in a full on bridesmaid dress, clutching a silver horseshoe. Nothing like the bridal choices. They were not in contact outside work!
Kept trying to insinuate her child into the photo's. Called the photographer over to take child's picture numerous times. Young child had no idea she was a rogue bridesmaid.
When the woman was questioned by the bride's mother she replied that she had put her in the frock as she had been a bridesmaid recently, and had the dress.

You are my hero.
Hope she apologised.

What's occurred isn't OK, but I'm mainly confused why you even asked if your husband could bring the baby to the venue carpark – I don't see why that's anything to do with them and they wouldn't have even have known about it. it wouldn't occur to be why anyone would need permission for that.

I was not allowed to take my 3 month old to my brother in laws wedding, it wasn't a child free wedding and they weren't worried about noise, it was that he was a new baby, and the bride was worried that guests might be more interested in him than her. I was flabbergasted that anyone would admit to being jealous of a tiny baby. This was 50 years ago and I have been divorced from their brother for 30 years. (I don't hold a grudge.......much!)

Indeed