To think that they had no self-awareness? (It's a child-free wedding one)

[Daisyoopsies]

One of my close relatives got married last year. It was child free but I was breastfeeding. I asked him if husband could bring baby to venue car park so I could breastfeed and then take baby away again during the day (it was in the middle of no-where) so that I could still attend and he said no because it was unfair on other guests. Fair enough. We decided to decline.

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Do people have no self-awareness? Do people just not care about things until it affects them?

@DancingNotDrowning I did actually ask my parents (who went to the wedding) specifically whether there were any other children and there weren't, to their credit. They really meant no children, not even in the carpark...I would have been furious if that'd been the case. I'm sorry that happened, with all the hormones still somewhat in charge I'm not sure I would have been able to hold back my emotions had I been in your shoes.

@Cural that actually might have been a tongue-in-cheek way to remind them, I'm gutted I didn't think of that!

It sounds proper mental when you say it that way around though...

Ooh this reminds me slightly of a child-free wedding I was a bridesmaid at last year where the groom’s cousin flying in from Canada wasn’t allowed to bring her 3 month old to the wedding or to the venue (as it would be “unfair for her to be distracted from the point of the wedding”), all of his Australian family were told to leave their kids at home, and I was nearly thrown out of the wedding party for suggesting DH may not be able to come when childcare fell through for our 3 year old.

A year later, it all kicked off when they unexpectedly brought their excitable dog along to someone else’s wedding because their favoured pet-sitter was on holiday and they didn’t trust anyone else to look after him.

Well clearly it wasn’t given they were asked to leave.

My own sister was like that at her wedding. Insisted it was child free, only exception was her DBil newborn, and her God daughter bridesmaid. She was really rude to out cousin who couldn't attend due to lack of childcare.( All his side of family were at the wedding , and because they lived 8 hours away didn't want to leave their young children overnight with elderly inlaws. ) Cue 6 years later when ever DSis gets invited to child free weddings she comes out with her " Well f*ck them, if my kids aren't invited I'm attending" I remind her of her own child free wedding and she just mumbles under her breath🤔

@stayathomer I guess that's another side of it. I suppose realising in advance that you're not invited (because unfortunately "child-free" and EBFing aren't great bed mates) to a wedding is probably no where near as harsh and being told to go home once you're there. But to be fair, they were warned...

Yes. In the OP. Because they got thrown out:

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

They just turned up with a dog!! To a wedding! How self involved can you get.

(Obviously I wouldn't apply this to a service dog)

@RockahulaRocks just wow... wow!

That’s insane!

@RockahulaRocks I actually had a dog-(and child-) friendly wedding and now my MiL is upset because she can't bring her dog to her niece's wedding 😝 I think she kind of hoped we'd started a new family trend.

Do you know if the other baby had actually been invited though or was it a CF who had brought her child even though the child wasn't invited?

I wouldn’t have asked permission to feed my child. Been in similar position. Didn’t bring baby in to dinner / ceremony but did feed in between.

fair enough they have chosen child free wedding but they don’t control the car park or every minute of your time during their day.

YANBU of course. It’s wild they have that little self awareness. I would mention it and say ‘that’s why I couldn’t come as I needed to feed my child and you said no’.

being fair isn’t doing the same thing for everyone. Not everyone is solely feeding via a boob so not every child needs to be in close proximity to a boob for survival.

I have greater understanding of what child free weddings mean for guests now I’ve had a child so I wouldn’t choose to leave them out if I could afford it.

I had a child free wedding except for my 2 who were 8 and 3 at the time.

My friend's kid is a brat and and I didn't want him ruining my wedding as he done to birthday parties etc before by behaving badly when he doesn't get his own way. His parents accepted the invite, I told them it was due to cost as we had a small wedding, less than 20 guests.

@OooohAhhhh I think child free weddings in general are all a bit entitled tbh.

Yes, I agree couples planning and paying for the event are entitled to have the event they choose. Oh is that not what you meant..?

To be honest I wouldn't have asked about my husband bribing a Brest fed baby to a car park! I mean you food have gone out for a smoke or to buy a snack ( many weddings where you don't get fed for ages). I just don't see how the B&G have control over what you do in a public place!

But of course they are cheeky fuckers with no self awareness.

Your mum's retort was spot on. Your refusal to hold the baby wasn't, it was a bit petty. It wouldn't have been perceived as anything but a slight and you wouldn't have been making the point that you wanted to, sorry.

I'm always confused when people are soooo eager to jump in and input their valuable opinions (usually to try and catch the OP out) that they don't even bother to read the post they are replying to and then look like utter muppets.

I understand people dont read every single post on a thread (although really if a thread is several hundred pages long I would probably at least skim to check someone hadn't likely already made the comment I would have made once...or several times....before)

I don't really understand why people dont at least read all the OPs posts before commenting to avoid a CANCEL THE CHEQUE scenario, particularly when MN could not make it any easier to do so

But there is no justification at all for not even reading the opening post properly!

OP good on the wedding couple for chucking them out! Did they explain their rationale....were they completely aware that it was child free but thought their babu was an exception or what? I would understand a bit more if they were complaining to you that they'd had to refuse an invite because the wedding was child free albeit it would still be a "what comes around" moment (your mum is a legend btw!) but the audacity of them, unlike you, NOT rejecting it but rocking up anyway with baby in tow is what makes them ultimate cheeky, rather than just oblivious, fuckers!

Exactly, nothing applies to Moi !

I've been to weddings with, without and with stealth children (invited as very close family only / no big deal made of their attendance) and I think that the lack of control some have over their children (and sometimes themselves in control of their children), plus the lack of consideration, might be resulting in a blanket ban, which hits hard. Weddings are such expensive productions now, with everyone wanting them to be perfect, the days of them being family orientated and everyone knowing one another - thinking here that everyone took turns with babies / small children / and could help discipline (in a nice way) and keep them entertained, that children didn't bother anyone - seem to be long gone and I miss the friendlier smaller scale weddings. I also remember weddings where children went off at a decent time to sleep, or home, including me as a kid, but again weddings are often so far from home that this becomes an issue too. I eloped, as it wasn't the kids that were the issue for me, but their parents (my relations) and I wasn't prepared to put up with their antics, drunken behaviour and bringing up old fueds, so I ran off and avoided it all lol!!!

It takes a special kind of cunt to decline a mother feeding her baby in a car park! As if that was their decision to make. They sound vile.

Your mum's comment was spot on.

Many years ago a cousin got married , they announced it was a child free wedding . My DB and I were around 7 and 9 at the time, so childcare was organised as it was an overnight stay.Anyway my parents went and apparently found the event was full of children. My father was furious as he was her uncle, and it affected relationships down the line .

They certainly do seem to lack self awareness/empathy. Your mum's reply was good!

I wouldn't worry about not holding the baby - lots of reasons why people decline that and they couldn't have possibly known yours in that moment. As you've said - there will be more opportunities.

Unfortunately, there are plenty of people around who are like this. Hopefully, they will be become capable of some self reflection and growth in time and you can still enjoy a relationship with then rather than obligatory tolerance - that is probably 50:50 though...

If I saw a mum breastfeeding in the back of the car at a wedding I would be appalled that she had been made to feel so unwelcome that she had to sit in her car. Even if the wedding itself is childfree, surely the venue has some quiet rooms where a new mum can sit in comfort with her baby. Thoughtless and self absorbed.