To think that they had no self-awareness? (It's a child-free wedding one)

[Daisyoopsies]

One of my close relatives got married last year. It was child free but I was breastfeeding. I asked him if husband could bring baby to venue car park so I could breastfeed and then take baby away again during the day (it was in the middle of no-where) so that I could still attend and he said no because it was unfair on other guests. Fair enough. We decided to decline.

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

Do people have no self-awareness? Do people just not care about things until it affects them?

@AFmammaG they're close family. I've known him since he was born, we've been big parts of each other's lives. Our family is quite tight and I have to see them about once a month at a family gathering or some such event. It'd actually be a lot harder to cut ties with this person than it would be to just try and get along.

Why on earth did you ask for permission to have your husband bring your baby to the car park for a feed??? Do they own the car park?!
And how on earth did you keep your mouth shut when they were retelling their wedding story?
Bonkers.

@queenMab99 oh that's awful, I'm sorry. Weddings really can bring out the worst in people.

this 100%! and I wouldn't have asked in the first place, my god you just wanted your baby to be brought to a car park!!

We had a child free wedding but someone still brought their child, think they were 8-10 years old

It's very passive aggressive but the way I got my own back was to politely decline when they asked if I wanted to hold the baby... it's not the baby's fault, I was just angry in the moment and was just thinking "I'm not going to literally physically support your baby when you wouldn't support us when we were in the trenches..."

that’s a bit much. You weren’t in the trenches you just could not bring your kid,

@rainbowstardrops I genuinely just think they were so caught up in their own little world (at the time, planning a wedding and now with their own tiny baby) to even think about how the two situations were related. It really felt like they were complaining to me like "you're a parent too, you get it" so I really think they've probably just done a complete 180 in terms of perspective and forgotten the part of their life where they caused the same problem. To be fair, I obviously declined but I didn't really go into detail other than that I couldn't find childcare so I'm not even sure they ever knew how pissed off me and DH were at the time. Seemed pointless to argue at the time, we weren't going to change their minds!

As for the asking about the carpark, I literally only mentioned it as the groom was asking me after I declined if I could find childcare and I said no but that me and DH had come up with this possible feeding in the carpark plan. Agree that had I never mentioned it he probably would never have even known... we really did used to have a really good relationship before all this and I guess because he had expressed that he really wanted me there after I had declined I thought he might be open to working with me on an alternative plan. 🤷‍♀️ I was wrong. And then I think I was just a bit too stunned (and knackered no doubt 😝) to fight it any longer.

@Josephinesnapoleon ah, but you see, I didn't want to bring my kid! I wanted to breastfeed with my kid outside and then go back in alone.

That aside, I think having a newborn and trying to figure out your new place in the world with this brand new person who 100% depends on you can feel like the trenches sometimes and sometimes it can be a real life saver to have family to make slight accommodations to help you (like allowing your baby into a carpark outside a venue and them allowing them to have the baby taken away again). Totally get that they didn't have to and we respected that when they told us we couldn't, but it was sad at the time to miss out on going to the wedding just because I was a brand new mum and had to breastfeed. These things happen.

So you couldn’t bring baby to car park but they brought a baby into a child free wedding? Lol

@nosleepforme yup. I really think it highlights how for some people their outlook on some things really, really changes once they have kids.

I think some people with no experience of babies or young children just don’t understand until they have their own. It was ridiculous and stupid of him to say you couldn’t feed your baby in the car park but perhaps he was just ignorant (with its true meaning) and clueless. Lots of young men are, about babies and their needs. (Perhaps the bride might have said something different.)
Tbh I think you declining to hold their baby is taking it too far and holding onto a grudge for too long. They understand now. Better late than never. Let it go and resume your close relationship. In future years you can laugh about it with them.

I went to two weddings with my first baby who was usually a really quiet mellow baby and he shouted out in both weddings. I think it was the echo'y sound in the churches that made him do it. He was happy but it was disruptive. Obviously I left straightaway but I can really understand why people don't want babies at weddings.

Your mum reply at the right time!👏👏👏

Good for your mum!

When people put rules in place, they don't ever EVER mean those rules should also apply to them. EVER.

@Miffylou I actually agree with all you've said. I think he really, really had no clue. The annoying thing was now that he had a clue he brought it up to me even though he had done the same thing and clearly forgotten!

But yes, it was petty of me not to hold the baby, I agree. I was just a bit cross to be honest and it was a bit of knee-jerk reaction. To be clear, I did bring the new parents gifts when the baby was born and have messaged back and forth with my relative when he's asked for my advice re baby stuff but in that very moment, I was a bit upset.

It's all a bit petty really, it's just one of those things that's easier to vent about on the internet than to drag up the past in real life. What does it all really matter anyway? They're still married, I'm still on decent terms with my relative, they're parents now and clearly get it, even if they didn't at the time. Ultimately, it's all good and I've got plenty of time to cuddle the baby going forward and I'm sure we'll all be over it soon.

But I was a little cross at the time...

That’s fine. You’re human. If you didn’t feel like holding the baby in the moment, that is valid and it makes sense.

YABU for not reminding them in great detail what arseholes they were to you when your baby was tiny. And why they think they have a right to ignore a B&G's request for their own wedding, given that theirs was child free. Sorry, but I wouldn't have been able to let that pass. Glad your mum made a barbed comment.

Am pleased the B&G asked them to leave - cheeky fuckery should always be dealt with at the time. I don't like this thing we do of saying nothing but quietly seething or just bitching behind their backs.

I understand child free weddings - there are some parents who you just couldn't rely on the manage their children appropriately. The sort of parents who'd think it cute if their child ran up and down the aisle, chattering while the B&G were trying to say their vows. Or who wouldn't remove a crying baby from the church.
But you can't have child free and then moan if other people also have one down the line.

I'm sorry, but no it isn't true that people without children don't understand.
Selfish people - regardless of child situation - are just selfish people.

They've just had a baby and got invite to a child-free wedding and BROUGHT THE BABY ANYWAY and are now appalled that they were asked to leave.

I LOVE that the bride and groom of this second wedding asked them to leave. They probably thought that if they just didn't ask and turned up with the baby anyway, no one would do anything about it.

Splendid!
I'm not normally so nasty but I'm so pleased they got turned away.
How dare they begrudge you only breastfeeding your baby - in the car park!
This couple are the definition of "serves them right"
Imagine how annoyed they would have been as-well with getting all ready - for nothing!
I think child free weddings in general are all a bit entitled tbh.

Honestly, I wish at the time back then, or at the time more recently, you'd have quipped back to this idiot relative of yours that making a close relative breastfeed her baby in a carpark is the opposite of special treatment, and that it wouldn't have been unfair on other parents, it was only unfair on you and your baby. What an utter muppet he is.

If I'd been a guest at his wedding and seen you having to breastfeed in your car, I'd have been appalled at the B&G. I'd probably have gone to your car, ushered you both inside, then passive aggressively said "can you believe this woman wasn't allowed to bring her EBF baby to the wedding of her XXX relative?"

Anyway, he's a muppet, and I hope he has realised "karma", after your Mum's quick-witted quip.

People rarely have self awareness when it comes to babies and weddings.

DH and I were the youngest in our friend group to have babies. When DS was 14 weeks we were asked to leave him at home for a wedding. I was put under a lot of pressure to go to the wedding - and I genuinely wanted to - but as soon as I got to the reception (beautiful big marquee in the grounds of the brides family home (middle of nowhere and so what reliant on the transport they’d put on!) I realised I’d made a terrible mistake.

about an hour later I noticed another guest had her (slightly older) baby with her and I was devastated. It really hurt me. That was 18mths ago and I still think poorly of her.

You could look at it another way and say people don’t realise until it effects them, Can’t believe someone was asked to leave a wedding though, humanity just seems to be going lower and lower

You missed a trick there OP. You should have asked if they'd offered to feed it in the car park so one of them could stay.