Is this appropriate? As I would never do that.

[nocarbsandsugareveragain]

Ok we all know each other from kids school(myself and partner and the other couple - couple B)

I have gone out the other lady and some other mother a few times. She is like a school mum friend to me (not close)

Our kids are in the same class and are friends

Go to same clubs etc DS just started the football club in the last few weeks so DH is now on what's app group of the football club and I am not. This is how she (of couple B) is got DH's number.

DH does not talk much at all and only know the couple on a hello hi bases

DH just told me she's privately messaged him asking him if he can take their son to football next week because they are going to a funeral and of course he's said yes. I don't have an issue but I am thinking I would never do that in a million years, message someone else's husband or partner privately asking for anything. I would have messaged the lady asking her to ask her DH if he can help get their child the club. Or is it because she knows I don't ever got to the club?
Or am being unreasonable and that's the way things are done here? Sorry I am from a different background and culture

I don't see an issue. Your children are friends. Your DH is the one that goes to football not you.

Seems fine to me. This club is DH responsibility. Why give the wife an extra job which she doesn’t need?

If he's the one that deal with football and they're in a group chat then I'd not think anything of it. They're two adults they don't need you as a go between to have a perfectly innocent conversation.

Sounds fine to me. Your DH is the one who sorts football in your house so fine not to go through you. In fact a lot of women would complain about having to do the 'wife work' if you went through her to message home.
I have the numbers of some of the dads of my kid's friends and have messaged them directly and they me, if we know they're the one doing a certain activity.

YABU. Why should she ask you to ask him, when she could just ask him direct? He is the one she knows from football and it was football she needed help with.

Perfectly reasonable. Most mums would be glad she messaged DH directly and didn't expect them to be his secretary to make a very simple and straightforward request.

Seems fine, she knows he does the football s asked direct.

Yabu. Why would so go via you if you don’t have anything to do with the clubx

If dp sorted a hobby for ds and woman came to me for arrangements I would be annoyed to be honest. Why is it a woman’s job?

YABU

This is a non-issue. I’d have done what she did.

Thanks all
Like I said I am just wondering thank you

I wouldn’t think twice about doing that & I wouldn’t think twice if Dh did it either.

^this!

Why on earth would you think it's better to make the wife carry on a message rather than just contact the right person directly? As if women aren't expected to act as unpaid PAs for their DH enough already!

DH is now on what's app group of the football club and I am not

YABVU

She messaged your DH ABOUT TAKING HER DS TO FOOTBALL as you aren't on the football group WhatsApp 🙄

I agree with pp that he is the one she has football contact details for and so it's logical she contacts him.
Also if they are going to a funeral it is possibly someone close to them that has died and they will be upset and wanting to make the arrangements re the football as quickly and easily as possible. So again contacting your DH this way makes sense.

She clearly thinks the club is his "job" not yours so why on earth would she ask you. She doesn't want to add to your mental load

If it's you that takes your DS to football and not your DH then that would be a little odd.

If your DH takes your DS to football then it would have been odd for her to message you.

You message the parent that's most relevant!

I'm on the fence with this one. on the one hand, its your DH who takes DC too football practice so in a way it makes sense to contact DH

BUT... i am NC with a sister who would randomly message any male i was in a relationship with, with a hope to bedding them! i have to say that 2 actually did!

so, it could be quite innocent or it could not. On the last occasion many many years ago when she messaged my now husband, he of course told me immediately and i messaged her asking why and she said she 'just wanted a, b or c'. i then replied very politely saying 'in future if you need anything, then please direct your questions through me!.... then blocked and deleted!

Totally fine. Did you think it was inappropriate because you think it was cheeky to ask a favour,? Surely it's not because you don't think it's appropriate for a woman to message your husband (about a perfectly normal thing)...

This segregation of the sexes is tedious and childish.

She's asked if he can take her kid to a club not for a shag

Yes, and the fact that apparently one of half of a couple should gate keep for the other half.

Is it because he's male and she's female OP?

They are both just people. It's absolutely fine to go directly to the person you want to ask a favour of. In fact I think it would be rude not to.

It is totally appropriate / normal. DH also does the football in our house & so will often have messages from our friends asking him to do lifts etc. These are people who are my friends too / more, but they know that if they messaged me about football they’d only be adding an extra step into the process as I’d then have to ask DH. Much simpler to go straight to him

It's entirely appropriate. It would be annoying if she'd messaged you given that you don't go to football anyway. She'd just have been creating wife work.

Of course she doesn’t have to come through you!
Imagine thinking she can only ask a favour and your dh can only grant one with your explicit blessing 😬