Is this appropriate? As I would never do that.

[nocarbsandsugareveragain]

Ok we all know each other from kids school(myself and partner and the other couple - couple B)

I have gone out the other lady and some other mother a few times. She is like a school mum friend to me (not close)

Our kids are in the same class and are friends

Go to same clubs etc DS just started the football club in the last few weeks so DH is now on what's app group of the football club and I am not. This is how she (of couple B) is got DH's number.

DH does not talk much at all and only know the couple on a hello hi bases

DH just told me she's privately messaged him asking him if he can take their son to football next week because they are going to a funeral and of course he's said yes. I don't have an issue but I am thinking I would never do that in a million years, message someone else's husband or partner privately asking for anything. I would have messaged the lady asking her to ask her DH if he can help get their child the club. Or is it because she knows I don't ever got to the club?
Or am being unreasonable and that's the way things are done here? Sorry I am from a different background and culture

Niessechalk
Completely inappropriate. Your husband and this woman are 99% likely to be having an affair.

Oh really? I can't recall stating anything about they having an affair in my original post or that I am worried that they are.

What were you concerned about then @nocarbsandsugareveragain ? It's pretty weird.

Yabu, just be glad you dont have to deal with the admin. You either want a 50 50 parent or you don't.

^This

To me it makes sense given that dh is the one who's in the football WhatsApp group. She's recognised that this is something he predominantly takes responsibility for and therefore she contacted him. Yabu unless there's some sort of back story.

I wouldn't overthink it.
Your husband does the football and you dont, you and the mum aren't close. Its been asked on a group about football so i wouldnt worry about it.

So if married men and women sending PMs to the other sex is bad manners, should I ask my son's male footy coach (another parent) to PM my abusive ex next time to check up on my son's injury, when my son's with me? Attack of the vapours coming, I'm also 'gasp' single, though technically still married, oh the horror. So I must be after any man I can get and luring them in by getting my son injured at footy training 🤣.

OP jokes aside it is the cultural norm to contact the parent who is involved in the activity or the one you want the favour from regardless of their sex.

I generally always contacted others mums. One dad got a bit creepy with me (and other mums) so after a while, I used to get my partner to text him if he contacted me. My partner wouldn't have texted other mums, and if they asked for play dates, he'd always say to ask me. Not because he wasn't an involved dad, but because we'd both seen issues arise before with others and didn't want that to happen.

Saying that, I wouldn't worry about it, it makes sense that she's contacted your husband as he is the one that takes your son to football.

I messaged one of DDs friends dad's, only had his number from a birthday party rsvp, not the mums. He replied and said play date would be fine then the wife replied from the same phone to say her daughter couldn't come over, it was all rather strange at the time, but this thread has given me some clarity on the situation.

@FlyLice

As you're not British then it seems rather pointless to try to impose your cultural norms onto us as we value women's independence more than man made misogynistic (religious) nonsense.

Agreed and the fact she resorted to name calling isn't exactly classy and well mannered either!

Lol my mechanic is married with kids. Unfortunately I had to Whatsapp him far too often frequently

I find that so cringeworthy. 🫣 fancy being that controlling!

I am confused. When I email a man at work and I know he is married should I cc in his wife?

Even if she doesn’t work there?

I do work with a few married couples who work in the same department. If I started copying in their wives, every time I sent an email they would want to know why I was including them in something that’s nothing to do with them. I would expect HR to come have a word.

What did I miss as I see the exchange I had was also deleted - it was fairly innocuous although the PP did seem to want to create conflict, so im
Mildly curious now.

You misunderstand. You don't email your male colleague at all. You have to email his wife and ask her to vet your email and forward it to her husband if she deems it appropriate.

This does mean that if there are any single men in your company you can't communicate with them. At all. Or maybe you could find someone else's wife and ask her to ask her husband to contact the dangerously unattached man on your behalf? Hopefully it's not urgent. Or, if you're married, maybe get your husband to do it?

Ah! Perfect! Got it!

Sounds like a really good reason to not do anyone work.

I mean, how do I get all the wives emails? I can’t email their husbands to ask? For their wives email addresses. Going to ask HR to write a policy on it and compile the wives email addresses.

I am not married so I guess non of the men can email me. So I only have to deal with women I work with? I can do that!

What's the problem ?
Are you insanely jealous or something ?
Why shouldn't she message him about a football issue ?
I not only think you're being unreasonable I think you're being absolutely ridiculous about this.

I don’t really understand the question. How could this be construed as inappropriate?

Yes let's make sure men never have to take any responsibility for anything to do with their children and ensure you dump it on the woman

If both parents went equally, I'd probably message the mum but if it was the dad who always went, I'd message the dad. It would have been weird if you were always going and she'd messaged him but it isn't so YABU. Not every woman is trying to sleep with your husband.

A friend of mine is from a very eastern country with strong conservative values and I know she would be upset about something like this.

Personally I don't think there is anything wrong with it at all. Different cultures have to rub along though.

Hi - I’m going against the grain here. I think many women on here saying it’s fine wouldn’t actually think that if their husband was written to directly by another mum. I wouldn’t like it - it has happened to me and I’ve always been surprised. Especially when the mum doesn’t mention to me. Once spare football tickets for a match were available and she offered them to my partner - the first I knew was when he got on his bike to cycle to her house. She’s still never mentioned it and there was a sequence of events where the season ticket was then cycled back.
I’ve never done it and never would - it’s just a common courtesy amongst my friends. I’m not sure I even have the number for friends’ husbands / partners (school mums). It’s sort of an unwritten rule. We don’t have a huge number of divorces etc I’m aware of - and maybe old-fashioned - but why cause any potential misunderstanding? Not really worth it.

I think it’s weird too. She should have messaged you about this.

I agree. What is the point of her asking you, you asking DH, and then you replying with his answer. She's just taken the shortest way to get a reply.

She’s not privately messaged him and asked for a date, she’s asked him to give her son a lift.

what is it that you fine inappropriate? That a woman has messaged a married man?! God forbid! 🙄