Is this appropriate? As I would never do that.

[nocarbsandsugareveragain]

Ok we all know each other from kids school(myself and partner and the other couple - couple B)

I have gone out the other lady and some other mother a few times. She is like a school mum friend to me (not close)

Our kids are in the same class and are friends

Go to same clubs etc DS just started the football club in the last few weeks so DH is now on what's app group of the football club and I am not. This is how she (of couple B) is got DH's number.

DH does not talk much at all and only know the couple on a hello hi bases

DH just told me she's privately messaged him asking him if he can take their son to football next week because they are going to a funeral and of course he's said yes. I don't have an issue but I am thinking I would never do that in a million years, message someone else's husband or partner privately asking for anything. I would have messaged the lady asking her to ask her DH if he can help get their child the club. Or is it because she knows I don't ever got to the club?
Or am being unreasonable and that's the way things are done here? Sorry I am from a different background and culture

Definitely YABU.
My kids friends dad does all the play date arranging as mum works longer hours. I always message him to arrange stuff.
I am married and love my husband very much. I am not interested in the kids friends dad at all!!! I just want to sort out play dates/meet ups.
Another kids parents have both given me their number. When the kid comes over I msg the parent who dropped him off. (A pic of them playing or what they had for dinner etc as they are 6).
I defo DONT want anything from the Dad 🤣

I'm not one to pussy foot about.
Ask my granny to ask her son to ask their dog if he wants a treat.

No, I'm going straight to the dog to see if it wants a treat.

I just made that up 🤣 but I hope you understand what I'm trying to say.
I also do understand why you feel the way you feel.

Completely harmless, and taking mental load off you.

I'm aware I can be rather passive aggressive, but am I the only one who has asked DP/person texting is his phone broken when someone (with his number) has messaged me to ask him something?

@nocarbsandsugareveragain If you are in the situation where you need a favour from another parent and it's the dad responsible for the associated task, please don't message the mum if you have his number. It's a quick way to annoy many mums.

do you think your husband should never communicate with women? It seems either very 1800s or insecure.

i Assume this has bothered you because she is a woman and he is a man? Would it have been a concern if the husband had texted? Does your husband have previous form that makes you less trusting of him?

Considering it seems like he’s the one who takes your child to football, it would seem a bit strange for her to ask you for you to ask him. I’m tired of people acting if two people of the opposite sex talk it’s automatically suspicious and the person has an alternate motive - like all she done was ask a simple request in a time of need.

Unless she added a million kisses and flirty emojies then no it's not inappropriate in the slightest.

I think you’re overthinking it, it sounds like efficiency that’s all

Are you this paranoid if he talks to a waitress or shop assistant? Is your DH so hot that EVERY woman must fancy him?

I message my mates husbands all the time. One is my mechanic, one is my odd job go to guy and one is organising a massive surprise for his wife for their anniversary with my help.

By your logic I should ask DH to message them in case I make them do seggsy time accidentally 😉

I would not think twice about this, my dh is genuinely an equal partner, perhaps even does more with ferrying the kids places, so he definitely makes more plans with their friends' parents than me. I didn't realise some people might think it was an issue.

Makes noise sense the message clearly said what was needed and why no reason to think it's anything else.

Is there a mums WhatsApp group too? It seems pretty sensible for her to ask him if it's him that's going to be doing the thing she's asking.

I work in a male dominated environment and I remeber speaking to a male colleague at a wedding. His wife went mental😂. Actually shouted across the table at me to find my own man😂.

I was 25, he was early forties happily married with three kids. He was mortified. All my friends thought it was the funniest thing ever.

I occasionally wonder if she actually thought we were having some sort of sordid affair, or she genuinely got the rage anytime a female spoke to her man!

to be clear - there was no affair.

edited to say I have no idea where muni came from!

Perfectly reasonable.

Is there a backstory here?

Lol, give it a few years of doing lifts for multiple children and multiple sports. The. You won't care who you are WhatsApping. I message husbands all the time as they're coaches/ other dads and it's me that likes/ does the sports. Some of them I'm even friends with! If you're in a secure relationship then chill out!

Yup, it would be normal here for the school parents that know dp better to message him.

When it's innocent I wouldn't worry OP.

I've messaged and has messages from dad's at football cos I was the one taking them and when a mum was having an issue with something that is my DPs forte, I told her she should message him over what the issue is and he'd be able to talk her through it. Men and women can converse about innocent things without it meaning anything deeper.

You're from a different background and culture and it's not the done thing and that's ok, for others we contact the person directly who is more involved in the sport etc

Tbh the woman probably never thought that this would make you feel uncomfortable, she would have been looking for the quickest answer to her predicament and getting your dhs number from WhatsApp was that and messaged him rather than put her family situation on the group chat .

If you are uncomfortable with women messaging your DH, for cultural , religious reasons, there is absolutely no problem in saying /explaining to them why, anyone with a bit of understanding will be fine with this and you can always ensure that you give them your number so that they can contact you.

If your DH takes responsibility for the football "run", it makes sense to me to ask him, not you, as you would then have to ask him and the question is going through several more stages than it needs to to get a yes/no answer.

A lot of mumsnet mums would be delighted that she wasn't putting the "mental load" of getting an answer to this question on you when the other mum knows your DH does the football run!

It’s only proper manners??
What on earth?

I'd love the other parents, of either sex, to arrange things through my DH rather than me. There's no nice way to say it but you seem very controlling and may want to reflect on why this has annoyed you when the other mother has acted entirely appropriately 🤷‍♀️

Op has already said she was just wondering and has now accepted the replies that it's totally normal, yet people still need to stick the boot in 🙄

Everyone is an adult, all sounds high school drama to talk through you because hes a different gender....unless ofcourse you are a messenger pigeon and being made redundant 😂