Is this appropriate? As I would never do that.

[nocarbsandsugareveragain]

Ok we all know each other from kids school(myself and partner and the other couple - couple B)

I have gone out the other lady and some other mother a few times. She is like a school mum friend to me (not close)

Our kids are in the same class and are friends

Go to same clubs etc DS just started the football club in the last few weeks so DH is now on what's app group of the football club and I am not. This is how she (of couple B) is got DH's number.

DH does not talk much at all and only know the couple on a hello hi bases

DH just told me she's privately messaged him asking him if he can take their son to football next week because they are going to a funeral and of course he's said yes. I don't have an issue but I am thinking I would never do that in a million years, message someone else's husband or partner privately asking for anything. I would have messaged the lady asking her to ask her DH if he can help get their child the club. Or is it because she knows I don't ever got to the club?
Or am being unreasonable and that's the way things are done here? Sorry I am from a different background and culture

Most people are hard work actually, this thread is proving that

I’m grand, how are you?

This post is sounding realll sexist.

‘Why wouldn’t she, as a woman, as me, as I’m also a woman, so that I can ask my DH instead.’ As if women should just be burdened with unnecessary tasks when your husband is more than capable of responding and speaking for himself….

This thread is absolutely totally bonkers.

I was the other mum (I considered her a friend) who arranged an out with the dad of another boy from school. We discussed at Ftj afternoon school run. Basic meet at the park on Saturday AM for 1-2 hours. The mum had a new baby with serious medical complications - I thought I was doing her a favour.
She texted me before the meet w her husband complaining a bit of how dare you not check in regarding a non-issue about healthy vegan snacks which I knew about.

Anyway, she turned-up at the park, bitchy 45 mins into the play date, with new baby. So awkward, claimed to be checking in regarding healthy snacks.

And totally ruined her own “rest” with baby by hauling herself to a large park to check on us - as if I was after her husband.

Weirdly, she was never really nice to me again. Shocked if I gave off man-stealer vibes. She was younger than me by at least 10 yrs, stunningly beautiful and I had zero interest in her man, I had my own!!

@ItsTheGAGGGGGGGG i agree, I also don’t like that the woman who texted the DH, is subtly / actually the OP is assuming she is being inappropriate, it’s not subtle (some random poster didn’t get my tongue in cheek reference to OW but I don’t care), by asking the person who organises the football logistics to take her child with him when he takes his.

She text asking for a favour, not a picture of her knickers!

Calm down!

What if her husband had text you the same text? Would you be so pearl clutching then too?

Why would you message the ‘lady’ when it’s the father on the group and the father who does the club drop-offs/pick-ups?

It seems fine to me - they're the ones in the football group, and it's not been kept secret from you as your DH told you, so there's nothing to suggest any boundary crossing. Cultural differences can be tricky to navigate sometimes, and if you and your DH feel you'd prefer a different way of arranging these things, you can always discuss that with people, but from what you've described this is a fairly standard interaction that happens regularly across the country.

Are you new to this forum, this is tame 😂I am not being rude, I’m just surprised you’re surprised

What you’re implicitly saying is that all the responsibilities for children need to go through the woman first. This is clearly not the case and you are definitely reading far too much into it.

Been here for decades, thanks for your concern.. hopefully common sense will arrive soon..

That sounds OK. You don't go to football.

😅

But DH is the one on the football club whatsapp, not you. I don't see the problem in what she has done.

No issue here - he’s the contact parent on that activity, so naturally she’d contact him. If she contacted you, you’d have to ask him, wait for a reply and then go back to her with his answer - two extra steps in the chain.

Exactly this.

I was pretty much the sole female amongst the footie dads for weekend football. If I wanted to ask them for a favour or anything else to do with the activity, I'd message them directly. It wouldn't even have occurred to me to message their wife to ask her to ask him etc

You are not being unreasonable in the least. For the people who are properly brought up, there are certain rules - you do not contact a married man/woman privately. End of. Not on. You go through the spouse of the same sex. Certainly there are rules - remember the cringe-fest when Tom Cruise proffered his hand to K.Middleton in the presence of her husband, helping down the stairs or whatever. It is embarrassing for that woman and shows total lack of manners. If she wrote him and email and cc-ed you, then fine. Same with WhatsApp.

Is this a joke post? This thread is so batshit I actually can’t tell.
Properly brought up 😁

YAbU. I (f) took my son to football and had other dad's message me directly if their child needed a lift. I also had messages from mums if they primarily took their DC to football. People generally message the person they need the favour from, it's ridiculous thinking a female would need to go through the wife to ask a male for help.

Do you usually act as your husbands PA? Perfectly normal to message either parent for us.